Thursday, October 27, 2011

Day 28...countdown!

The team only has today and Friday to work at the job site. They have all 3 buildings blocked and are now working on the central octagon. Two walls of the octagon are 11 courses high and 5 other sides are coming right along. They have to leave one undone for dirt work, etc, inside. The Africans have been working together with our guys to get this project as far along as possible while we are here and will continue after we have gone home to finish up. It's been a tough job all around. Fatigue has been a challenge, as well as the rain. The blocks are not uniform which makes laying them difficult and the uneven ground along with the mud makes just walking from place to place a challenge! Despite all these things, though, the team has done an amazing job and the place looks more like a Bible school every day!

I wish you all could see the beautiful grounds of the Malabo Bible School. Rolling grass covered hills are highlighted about with lush greenery. Coconut palms, banana, papaya, carambola, and avocado trees dot the property. Giant Ceiba trees that can grow 230 ft or more are also scattered over the landscape. They are straight, with a mostly branchless trunk that culminates in a huge, spreading canopy and buttress roots that can be taller than a grown person. I've never seen anything like them until we came here two years ago. It's not a sight I'll likely forget!

Local women wash their clothes and bathe at the small river that runs through the property. They scrub the clothes and slap them on the rocks to clean them as best they can, while young men wash cars downstream where the river runs by the highway. A hen and her chicks meander the property while a battle worn rooster crows throughout the day. Pastor Carrol has 8 pretty little goats that graze the fields during the day and are put in their pens for safety at night. Lizards are abundant and run everywhere over the place. I saw some that were large, beautiful pastel blue and green and yellow running up and down one of the palms the day we went there to see the goats.

The school property is a peaceful place. I imagine Bible students walking from place to place on campus or sitting on a bench beneath a Ceiba tree reading and studying or praying. This Bible school is one of the prettiest places in all of Malabo and will be a light shining in the darkness, training the many people who want to come study God's Word.

The days are passing by--28, so far. We've marketed many times, cooked many meals, prayed many prayers, slept many nights, made many phone calls home and missed our families tremendously. A man cut the grass yesterday. The Deal's five puppies are growing up fast. The team has laid nearly 7500 blocks so far and are working hard today to get as much done as they can because our time is coming to a close. Each day done is a day closer to home. Gayle is fixing a turkey tonight and if it's as good as the last one, we're in for a treat.

It's a good day here in Malabo.

Father, thank you for your strength in this assignment. You are blessing the team with good health and strength and good results. Thank you for Pastor Carroll's and Gayle's vision to build the Bible school and for the strength to see it through. It's going to be good, Lord. Real good. I love you and appreciate your grace and mercies that are new each morning.

Suz

Monday, October 24, 2011

our last week

The rain has been pretty regular lately. It's nearing the end of the rainy season here in Malabo and it seems it's going to go out in a downpour! We had rain on Friday, Saturday, Sunday night and Monday morning. The guys left to go to work this morning and turned around and came back for a few hours until it slacked off enough for them to do some work. It's overcast but not raining now and they will probably work a bit late tonight because it's their opportunity to catch up and work hard to accomplish their goal of finishing building three and getting busy on building four.

Our three replacements, Joyce, Kathy and Steve made it with only one missing bag, and even it showed up the next evening as promised. Kathy and Steve joined the guys on the job site, while Joyce has been a big help to me in the kitchen. We're making chili, espinacha (African spinach), fresh green salad with homemade honey mustard dressing and Apple Walnut Cake for dessert. I know they will all be hungry tonight. Longer work days will do that to ya!

Since we've been gone my poor pup, 12 year old, Treasure, has been having some health issues and isn't doing very well. The vet thinks it's her bile duct, maybe gall stones, etc., so in turn, Amy has been dealing with sick dog issues. It's been hard on her trying to take care of her family and our three dogs, one of which has needed special meds, food, treatment and trips to the vet. I had so hoped things would go smoothly for her but it hasn't been the case at all. Wonder why issues come up like this when there's no way to remedy them? I have been praying for Amy and for our pup. I'd like to be there to fix it, but it's way out of my hands and solely in the Lord's.

We went out Saturday for a hamburger and ice cream as a special treat and it was delicious! I actually had a small Margherita pizza, which was delicious, but the real treat was the small scoop of coconut ice cream! Now I'm not a big ice cream person and I can usually take it or leave it, but I'm so glad I chose to take it on our outing. This tiny scoop of ice cream was truly creamy and sweet with a fresh coconutty flavor highlighted by tiny bits of fresh coconut throughout. I don't know if we will be heading there again before we go home, but I will remember this frozen treat for a long time to come!
Church was great yesterday. Each Sunday we've gone, the attendance has increased. The preaching was excellent and I love the African worship! The music is unique with the African harmonies and rhythms and since Malabo is on an island, I think there's quite an islandy sound too. The most fun part is the dancing as worship. It's spontaneous and fun and celebratory! Wouldn't it be fun to have this type dance at Glad Tidings? A little bit of Africa in Ocoee, Florida...

We have just a few more days to labor before we head home. Time to keep going so we can get as much done as possible while we are here. Please pray for rain free and injury free days for our team! God is good and blessing our efforts!

Father, thank you for these new experiences and for helping us to learn how to trust you even when we're a long way from home. I'm so glad there's no distance in prayer. I love you and trust you.

Suz

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

catching up

I'm going to skip a few days journal that I've already written to update all at once. We've been without internet for a few days but I hadn't blogged before then for a multitude of reasons. I guess the first one is that I was simply too tired to put down my thoughts. The work day is long and constant with a few breaks here and there, and there are so many new experiences and things to think about that I couldn't capture them all if I tried. I wouldn't be living my days, I'd just be thinking and writing!

We've been getting a lot done. The guys have completed blocking up two whole buildings, are starting the third and are coming right along with it. Chuck, Stuart, and Chester went home on Saturday night and tomorrow night, Joyce, Kathy, and Steve will arrive and stay and work until we all come home the following weekend. We'll be so glad to see them and have them here to help us along.

I celebrated my 59th birthday here in Malabo and it was a good day. Dinner was meat loaf, mashed potatoes, green beans, carrots, salad, corn bread, with chocolate cake topped with a dark chocolate glaze and homemade whipped cream. Yes, I made my own birthday cake but it was tasty and we all enjoyed it. We didn't have regular candles so Gayle found the one she used for her granddaughter's 3rd birthday. I guess each year can stand for 20 years for me---almost...

We've been having some good produce and nice meats so the meals have been good. I've made French toast for the first time and also BBQ sauce from scratch. They were both good. There aren't a lot of prepared foods in the stores so I look through Gayle's recipe books or go online and research simple recipes that can be made with basic ingredients and stuff turns out nicely. I think I may try to do more scratch cooking when I get home. It really isn't that difficult and it tastes good! I'll bet it even costs less, too.

The worst thing that's happened since we got here, at least for Byron and me, was that my dearest friend's husband, Jerry, died suddenly on Monday, Oct 10, 2011. Jerry had been recuperating from recent surgery when he began having problems and died in the night at home. I can't tell you how helpless I felt knowing that my friend was hurting and I couldn't go to her. If we'd been home, Byron and I would have flown out immediately to be with Alice and her children, but it wasn't the case. We prayed, individually and as a team, for her and depended upon the Holy Spirit to comfort her in ways we never could--even if we'd been right beside her. It's in the times where we have absolutely no control over a situation that we find out just how good the Lord is. I was able to talk with her via Skype a couple of times and email her a few more times, along with our other best friend, and together we supported her long distance in the Lord. It may not have been what we wanted most of all, but the Lord guides our steps, and I have to believe that He knows better than I do what best for us all. I'm so thankful that our internet loss didn't happen in the middle of her crisis.

I miss my home, I miss my pups, I miss my friends and I miss my family, but I will say without a doubt that my heart is content to see this task though that we've been called by the Lord to do. Malabo is not home but we are comfortable, well fed and have good friends and most of all, we have the Lord, with us. The tasks God calls us to are not always comfortable. They are not always easy. They cost us something, but in return for obeying, for working, for going, the Lord gives peace and contentment that are unfathomable.

So, it's a good day here in Malabo. Tonight's menu is Homemade Chili, Coleslaw and Saltines and Dark Chocolate Cinnamon Brownies with the last of Benny's walnuts! Sounds yummy to me:)

Father, thank you that there's no distance in prayer. Thank you for comforting my friend Alice and her children when we couldn't be there with them. Thank you for tasks given and strength to do them. I love you!

Suz

Monday, October 10, 2011

a regular day

Breakfast at 7 am: Scrambled eggs, toast, buttered oatmeal, fruit juice and pork sausage seasoned by moi! Then it’s clean up and a little writing time. I did a little laundry and straightened up our room. We are comfortable in our place. It’s an upstairs apartment that occasionally houses missionary families but it’s not occupied now except by Byron and me. It’s cool and comfy and we are sleeping well there.

Gayle fixed lunch while I started supper. Homemade spaghetti sauce with pasta, fresh garden salad with olive oil vinaigrette, buttery toasted French bread, with homemade apple walnut cake and real whipped cream for dessert. All in all, I’d say it was a yummy meal. I found the cake recipe in an old church cookbook of Gayle’s and even though it is easy, it is a tasty recipe. Here it is:

Apple Walnut Cake

4 C coarsely chopped apples 2 C all purpose flour

2 C sugar 2 tsp baking soda

2 eggs 2 tsp cinnamon

½ C vegetable oil ½ tsp salt

2 tsp vanilla 1 C chopped walnuts

Combine apples and sugar; let stand. Beat eggs slightly. Beat in oil and vanilla. Mix flour with baking soda, cinnamon and salt. Pour egg mixture and flour mixture into bowl with apples. Mix very well. Bake at 350 about 1 hour in a 9 X 13 pan. Serve with homemade whipped cream or a scoop of vanilla ice cream.

The guys came in about 5:30 cleaned up and came to the house to wait for supper. A few of them checked emails and tried to call home and another couple of them dozed off on the couch for a little cat nap before our meal.

I set the food out, Byron asked the Lord’s blessing on it and we ate. During the meal and afterward there was great conversation and lots of laughter and later more attempts at communicating with home. Someone put in a comedy video and we enjoyed Tim Conway and his humor.

Bedtime came soon for us as we went to bed a little early. Early for me, anyway. Even I can’t believe it. But I’ve worked hard thus far and by that time of night, I’m ready to call it a day.

I hope most days will be pretty uneventful but good, and that the work progresses smoothly. It seems that will be the way most progress will be made and our time here will be most productive.

But the people who trust the Lord will become strong again. They will rise up as an eagle in the sky; they will run and not need rest; they will walk and not become tired. Isaiah 40:31

We just keep walking…

Suz

Saturday, October 8, 2011

conditioning and cleanliness

I tried fixing French Toast this morning for the first time ever and I’d say it was a success! We had French toast, bacon, oatmeal, fruit juice, and coffee. Then I cleaned up the kitchen, swept and mopped, and wrote for a bit.

Keeping a journal and putting some of it in the blog isn’t as easy as it might seem. There are many things I’d like to capture but busy-ness creeps in the way. I want to write down how I feel about this place and the new things I’m observing but I often have a difficult time with putting my feelings in type. The city is cleaner than it ever has been according to Pastor Carrol but by U.S. standards it’s still pretty dirty and it often smells bad. When we stepped off the plane into the terminal at Malabo, I noticed the odor and I remembered it from our last time here two years ago. I do try to remember that I am also conditioned to U.S. standards and it’s just not the way it is in the rest of the world. I’m not sure we always do ourselves a favor by becoming such germophobes. I’m trying to lighten up and adjust.

I started dinner fairly early today. We had BBQ pork chops with homemade bbq sauce, white bean soup with tomatoes and seasoned with a few carrots and onions, buttered carrots, steamed potatoes, leftover green beans, leaf lettuce and tomato salad with olive oil vinaigrette, and buttermilk cornbread, iced tea and soft drinks.

This was a day of firsts for me, I suppose. I made French toast AND BBQ sauce for the first time ever and both turned out pretty well. I took Gayle’s advice and added a bit of milk, a few drops of vanilla and a sprinkle of cinnamon to the egg mixture. It was tasty and I’m not a big French toast fan. The BBQ sauce recipe I got online and it was simple and pungent but went well with the other more low key flavors in our meal. I’d make it again, and I probably will!

When we'd finished dinner Benny called us all together for a time of reflection about our stay here so far. There were some great feelings expressed and some told how the Lord is speaking to them in this place. I recounted my green bean revelation and asked for prayer for a friend from home. Others shared testimonies of the Lord’s goodness and lessons learned and it was a good time of encouragement and support in this place so far from home. Times like these on a mission trip are necessary. We know why we're working so far away from home, but sharing our thoughts and needs with one another and praying for one another helps us keep our focus on the truly important things on this trip and in life.

It was then time to turn in and rest up for the next day. I’m not used to so much activity. My life is pretty sedentary at home, so this is a challenge for me. My bed time now reflects the difference and is much earlier here--but I welcome it. I know how necessary rest is when the body is at its limit.

The days are long.

My work is steady.

My body gets tired.

My heart is content.

God is good.

All the time.

Father, thank you for this expansion experience. I’m stretching and I think it’s good. We are not all alike over the world and not everyone has to think like I think or to do things as I do them. You are who is important and the condition of our soul is more important than the cleanliness of our cities, our homes or our hands. I love you and thank you for opening my eyes and for helping me keep them on You

Suz

Friday, October 7, 2011

Day 3 stringing and popping

Up, bright and early at 5:45 am. Gotta have food ready by 7 for the guys. A similar breakfast for most days: scrambled eggs, buttered oatmeal, toast, bacon, fruit juice, tea and coffee. Then, it’s off to work! For the guys, and for me!

First, it’s kitchen clean up, then shower time and a little bit of writing before fixing sandwiches to take to the guys for lunch. We make ham and cheese sandwiches along with peanut butter and jelly sandwiches on bread fresh from the bakery, with Pringles, cookies and drinks for their midday meal.

We take them their lunch at noon and I see that the Bible school is coming right along! The library is nearing completion with finish work. The windows are in, painting is finished, and the light fixtures are up. It‘s going to be a beautiful building that serves the campus well.

Gayle and I visit with them for a few minutes and then it’s back to the house to begin prep for supper. We have lots of fresh green beans to string and break up, potatoes to wash and cut up, whole chickens to clean, soak, cut up, and season to grill, cabbage to chop for slaw and brownies to bake for dessert. It is going to be a busy afternoon of work!

Fresh produce is one of my very favorite things. I love all types of veggies and if they are fresh from the garden, all the better. We had the bounty of fresh produce that Gayle brought back from Moka on Sunday afternoon, some were gifts to her, some she purchased. One of the things she purchased was a big bag of green beans, a lot of them—a whole lot. I don’t mind prep work but what I really like to do is cook, so as I’m sitting at the table taking the ends off, stringing each one and then popping it into a couple of pieces, I start getting bored. “These are going to be good. They’re nice and fresh. I wish I could get beans like this at home.” I prep a bunch more and I think, “Man, there sure are a lot of beans. Four steps to each bean. I’ll never get done. What a bunch of beans!”

It escalated from there. Then, as I kept stringing and popping, I thought about working for the Lord. Some jobs are in the limelight. Some are not. I was working for the Lord, and I was prepping veggies. I realized that doing something for the Lord isn’t always the big job, isn’t always up front, isn’t always fun or always interesting. Working for the Lord at the task He’s set before you is about walking and not fainting. It’s the daily task that’s rarely even noticed. It’s being faithful in well doing, regardless.

So, as I was stringing and popping the Lord spoke to my heart gently. He said, “If I was sitting beside you in the flesh and I asked you to string beans, would you do it?” No answer was necessary on my part. Of course I would, and I’d be honored to do it! It was so simple. My task, for that very moment, was to string and pop beans.

Dinner turned out well, but I thought it probably would. With all those great ingredients, it had to be good. Grilled chicken was juicy, beans and buttered potatoes, tasty, brownies…yummolicious! I’ve cooked for my family for 41 years and as a kid since I was 12 yrs old and I still get nervous when preparing meals for others. I want everything to be perfect and, let’s face it, it won’t always be so! The Lord has helped me on this trip and I need Him to keep helping me. I’m always my harshest critic when it comes to cooking or baking but so far, even I think the food has turned out pretty well. Thank you, Lord!

Cleanup doesn’t take too long as everyone helps out some, even after laying block all day. I try to stay up and write then but I am exhausted so Byron and I go to bed at 8:30! Me? Before 2? Yep. And I slept all night, too! It was a busy, very busy day, but a good day. A very good day!

Father, thank you for lessons about the small things. It's not just the one in front who has a heart for the things of God. You use even the most minute tasks to show us what is important to You. Help me to walk and not faint. To do the job set before me with a content heart. I love you and thank you for the task at hand.

Suz

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Day 2

Saturday night as we prepared to turn in, we heard African drums and chanting. It was loud and ominous and captured my attention immediately. First came the drums, then we heard chanting, then cheering. For a split second I wondered if it were some sort of sporting event because of the cheering but then I’d hear the drums and chanting and the whole feeling changed. It wasn’t a good sound. It sounded dark. I asked Gayle about it the next day and she asked me if it could have been a bar or night spot noise. I didn’t think so. It didn’t sound celebratory or drunken at all to me, so she said it may have been a witchcraft ceremony.

The menu for this morning included oatmeal, scrambled eggs, toast, fresh apples and watermelon, orange juice and mixed fruit juice and coffee. I got done in record time and everyone said it was good. We had to leave for church at 9:30. Thomas, a friend of Pastor Carrol’s, drove us to the church in his van because Gayle had gone to Moka where she pastors a small church, and she takes the car. Thomas is from Ghana and is a tradesman. He makes rattan furniture, etc. He has a wife and some of his children here in Malabo and he very kindly drove us to church just in time for Sunday School.

There were three classes being taught at the same time in the unfinished sanctuary. Two classes were taught in English and one in Spanish. We broke up into two groups for the English classes so neither teacher would feel slighted. Our teacher, Paul, was well versed in the lesson and with the exception of the acoustics (it was very loud and echoey), I enjoyed the class. I thought he did a good job especially when someone asked a question and no one volunteered to answer. A man asked a question was about how the Lord’s mercies are new every morning. He wanted to know what it meant. No one wanted to commit himself to answering it so our teacher said, “Our brother asked a question to learn more about the things of God. Will no one help him understand what he needs to know? “ It took twice asking this same question but finally a woman gave him an answer.

She was Christy, a diplomat from Nigeria living in Malabo. She explained how the Lord meets our changing needs every day and the Lord is merciful to each of us by meeting these needs when we call to Him. She answered his question in a way that the man understood and he left knowing a little more about the Lord and His goodness.

The worship service was great! Lots of music, prayer, offerings and dancing. We also had communion at the end of the service. I love how the church in Malabo receives the offerings, tithes and missions giving. There are labeled boxes on pedestals for each type offering: tithes, missions and general offerings. They are lined up across the front of the church. First, tithes payers come up bringing their tithes with them. They stand in front of the box and the whole congregation and pastor prays for them and over their giving. It’s a solemn moment and, yet, happy. They are doing what the Lord requires and it is good.

The other offering boxes are lined up and the music begins again, loudly and lively! People come from both sides dancing as they bring in their offerings at the same time, meeting in the middle and then leaving up the center aisle. They sing, they clap, they dance. It’s beautiful! I love the joyfulness of their giving. It makes me want to dance, too!

Communion requires one be a born again and a water baptized believer for participation. If you qualify and want to partake, you must walk forward with everyone else to receive the bread and wine. One man prayed over the bread, another over the wine. We prayed, partook and praised. It was beautiful.

If I had to describe the main difference I see in US church services and Malabo services, I think it’s that everything is not so private. You come up front to pay your tithes. You come up front to bring offerings. You come up front for communion. It creates accountability and allows others to see Christians following the Lord, obeying His teachings. Another difference is that anytime during the service, music, preaching, or even after prayer if someone likes something she heard or if something sung blesses her, that person brings up an offering right then. It doesn’t disturb the service and it blesses the heart of those in the congregation. It allows one a quick view into the heart of another.

We ate lunch at a nice Chinese restaurant. I had chicken and pineapple which sounds really good, but the sauce was a clear cornstarch sauce that made the dish unappetizing. I mostly ate the rice, spring roll, bok choy and my hot jasmine tea, so I still left satisfied.

Dinner was grilled burgers, pinto beans with tomatoes, garlic, and onion, jasmine rice, fresh lettuce and carrots from the garden. Gayle received the lettuce and carrots from someone’s garden as a practical offering and they were delicious! She also brought home a big sack of fresh green beans and cabbages. I think I see beans and coleslaw on our dinner plates soon.

It was a good day and after our late dinner I went to bed early because I was tired. I find it hard to write down all I’m seeing and experiencing. I can’t overcome my feelings of desperation for the people of Africa—and it is spiritual need that I write of as with witchcraft ceremonies, but also of physical need. There is no place to look where poverty does not invade. Like the ubiquitous trash everywhere one looks, there is poverty and lack. The weight of dust, dirt, filth is overwhelming. It breaks my heart to see people living this way but, I also wonder how much of it is my American culture that pushes me to think how hard it is here. Not every culture has the same standards of cleanliness so is it them…or me?

I will write a lot about food on this trip but it’s my focus because I’m the cook. It’s on my mind all the time; what’s for breakfast, lunch, dinner. What’s the plan for tonight? How can I make this taste like home? Should we have a dessert EVERY night?

Food is our fuel for the job at hand. The guys need good food and lots of it. I want to make it tasty. When our need for nourishment is met generously, when we have familiar foods prepared in familiar ways, I think it makes being the distance a little shorter, the longing for home a little less painful, being away from home a little easier.

Father, thank you for providing for us in safety, in strength and in sustenance for this trip, for every day. Jesus prayed, "Give us this day our daily bread." We are grateful for needs met, however great, however small. I love you.

Suz

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Day 1

Our flight to JFK went fairly smoothly. We had to pay a $300.00 oversized baggage charge for the two weed eaters we purchased for Pastor Carrol in Orlando and at JFK we sat on the runway for an hour and a half waiting for our turn in line to take off. The delay made us hurry to our gate in Paris so we had no time to look around or try any foreign treats. We went straight to boarding for our flight to Malabo. Byron and I had seats on opposite sides of the plane so I asked the young woman sitting beside me if she’d switch seats with Byron so he could sit with me and she agreed. So my hubby and I got to sit together for most of the 8hr flight. It was a nice thing for her to do.

I talked her for a little while at the end of the flight and she said her name is Dilara and she is a 20 yr old Turkish college student. In Texas, the others pronounced her name just as it's spelled and they ran the "Di" and "lara" together. It should be pronounced "De-lata" with a little roll on the "r." It's much prettier said this way and she wishes the others had pronounced it the way her mother intended. She had just completed a 3 month work/travel program in Corpus Christi, TX, where she worked as a hotel housekeeper. The bonus was a five day stay in New York City where she did some shopping, sightseeing and saw a Broadway show: The Addams Family She was heading home to start her new semester two weeks late but was confident she would catch up with her missed class work. She is studying to become an ecological engineer like her father and sister and is beginning her second year at Istanbul University.

I asked her about ecological engineering and she told me she was only studying it because her father and sister did, and her father was the one who had suggested the work/travel program. I was impressed with her courage, this girl who’s never left Turkey, never been to the USA, who's never even had a job, and who doesn't really want to be an ecological engineer. Her heart is in the arts. She wants to become an actress and be on stage. Ecological engineering is what she studies because she doesn’t know what else to study and because it was a family choice. Quite a conundrum. Why does someone with her whole life ahead of her spend 4 yrs and much of her father’s money pursuing someone else's dream?

I enjoyed talking to this young woman who may one day become a talented actress or even a great ecological voice. She has potential for anything she wants to do, but I wonder if it will be her dream, her father’s dream or will she make choices in her young life that will take her down a completely different path. She wants to be known by her correct name, “De-lata,” but she’s studying a field that’s not truly hers.

Does the Lord look at us and see great potential for us in Him and see us going down avenues that don’t suit who we are? Are we following someone else’s dream and passing by God’s best for us? Each one of us wants to be known for who we are and still sometimes we wander off into directions not at all good for us or we do things that totally change our course from which we can never return.

We made it to Malabo along with all our bags and the weed eaters. Gayle had a great pot of homemade chicken veggie soup and we made ham sandwiches to go along with it. We talked a while. We caught up. Had fun fellowshipping and turned in pretty early. We had church in the morning and my job was just beginning. Breakfast bright and early at 8. It would be a good day!

Father, thank you for safety, flight connections met, and meeting new people. Guide Dilara, guide us in your chosen way so our potential in You will be fulfilled. Give us strength to do the tasks ahead of us. I love you, Jesus.

Suz

Friday, September 30, 2011

our departure

We leave for JFK in a few hours, then to Paris and on to Malabo. It's hard to believe how quickly the time has passed--even though it's not been a terribly long time--just since June. I'm happy to report we should have power when we get there. That's welcome news--and even though it will certainly make things easier for us as a team, it's difficult to imagine how Pastor Carrol and Gayle have tolerated it for 4 weeks now! The generator they have is old and expensive to run so it wasn't used as often or for as long as they needed it to.

I've been doing errands for the last two weeks making sure I have all my necessities and a few wants. Today was a very long day of transporting pups to Amy's house, picking up last minute items, and dinner and dessert with our girls and families. There was also a trip to the doc for me because of a diverticulitis flare up. He added a couple of prescriptions to my list and I'm feeling much better now.

Pastor Gary recently preached about Jesus sleeping in the boat while the storm raged as He and his disciples headed across the lake. Their destination was the other side of the lake and they were going to get there. Jesus said so. But the disciples became terrified on the way because of the storm. They panicked when the way to the other side wasn't what they'd expected. The way hadn't been smooth, painless and perfect. They lost sight of what Jesus told them. They awakened Jesus and He calmed the storm and, ultimately, them.

We've had a few, very few, glitches as we've prepared to go on this trip, but we are heading to Malabo as the short term destination the Lord has set for us. It's not going to be a vacation. We are going to work to complete a goal, but I know it will be enjoyable and satisfying and fun because we are setting out to do what the Lord has asked with people who all have the same focus. How much better can it get?

I'll post as often as I can and bring you along with us on our adventure of a lifetime. Please pray for us all.

Father, thank you for this opportunity and for providing a way to go on this trip. I am humbled and grateful for your hand on this project, for your hand on us. Please bless us and help us to accomplish all that YOU have planned. I love you utterly...

Suz

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Aunt Wanda's birthday!

It was a Sunday, Sept 23, 1928, in Sweetwater, Tennessee, when my maternal grandmother, Myrtle Patterson Kidd, gave birth in her home to Wanda Lou Kidd, my dear aunt. She already had 3 sons, Garnet, 7, Earle. 5, and Kenneth, 3. Wanda was her first baby girl.

Even though weak in her body from chronic asthma, tired from taking care of her 3 active little boys, and exhausted from labor, she must have been happy to finally have a daughter. Wanda was the baby for three years until the others started coming along: Barbara, Margaret, Don, Polly, and Nancy.

The family struggled to make a living. George, my grandfather, was a sharecropper and sometimes worked in the woolen mills. As a girl, Wanda and the others had to feed the chickens, milk the cows and tend the garden, as well as go to school. It was a hard life and they may not have had much, but they never went hungry.

Wanda grew up and went to work as soon as someone would hire her. As soon as they were old enough, all the children had to have jobs and contribute to the household budget. As long as she lived at home, she never questioned that it was her responsibility to work and help bring money in to support the family.

Wanda grew up to be a wonderful young woman who married her sweetheart, Bill. They moved from Tennessee to Michigan to begin their married life and my parents followed. After I was born, Aunt Wanda took care of me for a year while my mother worked. As I grew up she took me with her on bus trips to Tennessee to visit family and other trips to Indiana to visit Uncle Bill's family. We were travelling buddies. She took good care of me and we had lots of fun together. She was my friend then, as she is my friend now.

Aunt Wanda has always treated me with respect and listened to me. I remember having conversations. She'd talk, I'd listen. I'd talk, she'd listen. It's a rare gift when someone really listens and even more rare when she listens to a child or young adult. Aunt Wanda listened and I always felt important when I was with her, as I do now.

When I spent Saturday nights at their house there was always church on Sunday morning and I watched her live a Christian life in a practical way. I saw her write out her tithe envelope. I heard her sing in church service. I learned how to behave in church by her example. I learned that church was a place to worship the Lord, but where you could also make great friends! I still remember some of the ladies she was friends with at Missionary Church in Royal Oak, Mich. She was my example of a true Christian in every day life.

Over the course of their lifetimes, Aunt Wanda and Uncle Bill opened their home to many family members when they needed help for a time and also took on the responsibility of raising foster children. As a young girl, I remember meeting many new "cousins" and observing how each one was brought into the home and simply accepted as one of the family.

Aunt Wanda turns 83 years old tomorrow and is still interested in what's going on in mine and my family's lives. She has her own tremendous aches and pains but still asks me about my children and grandchildren, about what we've been doing and what we plan to do. Although her health does not permit much activity, her interest in life beyond her bedroom walls is amazing, vibrant and alive!

Happy Birthday, to my dearest Aunt Wanda! You have been my best friend from the day I was born until this very moment. I love you and wish you only good days! The Lord truly blessed me when He brought us together!

Father, Thank you for your gift of Aunt Wanda to me. She's a perfect fit! I love you, Lord, for your great blessings to us. Please bless her in amazing ways even now!

Suzanne



Wednesday, September 21, 2011

check, check, check--Malabo, here we come!

Dogfood, check. Dog gates for Amy's house, check. Blue's meds, check. Instruction letter for the three pups, unchecked. It seems like a simple task taking care of 3 pups--after all, they are dogs, not children, but they do require some instruction about their habits, quirks, behaviors. If for no reason other than it will probably make our month long absence easier for our daughter to take care of them. Probably. I hope so.

Three, old, cantankerous Chihuahuas aren't a walk in the park--even for us! At this very moment, Treasure wants to go to bed so she's staring at me and "harrumphing" every few seconds so I'll go to bed and take her with me. I'm not ready to go to bed. She's just going to have to get over it. I'm not going to be put to bed by a bossy pup!

The pups are only one element that need attention so we can leave in a week and a half. I'm also trying to get our clothes together. You know, just enough, not too many, and just the right type--not too hot, but what if it gets a little chilly? I don't want to over pack--I can't over pack. I get one suitcase of up to 50 lbs and a carry-on and I don't want to be packing the night before we leave this time. I would like to be done with everything a day or two before. I've never done it before. Maybe this will be a first!

I'm going to miss my family like crazy. I've had my kids and their kids close to me their whole lives with the exception of vacations and mission trips, so this bothers me. Communication is a nearly daily occurrence...now. Soon? Not so much. I guess if there's one sacrifice long term missionaries make that touches my heart the most, it's the loss of geographical closeness with their families. Even now, my dear friend's daughter, son-in-law and and two young grandkids are preparing to go to Eastern Europe as long-term missionaries. Even though it's a God ordained assignment and they have worked hard and waited for this day for a very long time, my friend will be away from them for extended periods of time and she will miss them all terribly. I am happy because her children are doing what the Lord has set before them and I am heartbroken for my friend's pain.

There are still many things to think about and so many things left to do. Many boxes to check--to cross off the list. This is a story yet to be lived and written and I can hardly wait!

Father, Thank you for this upcoming adventure! I don't know what the days and weeks will bring but I am trusting you, regardless. I love you utterly.

Suz



Tuesday, September 6, 2011

planning for Africa

We had an organizational meeting about the Africa trip last night and everything went well. We met a couple new guys who are going with us on the first leg of the month long mission and I think they will work well with our team. There was talk of immunizations, flights, baggage, what to take, tools, mud for the blocks, how many block there are to lay and how many the team can lay in a day. I thought about my roll in the mission, cooking and helping with team support and wondered if I am up to the task. Sleep eluded me all night last night as I mentally went over my list of things to remember, to buy, and to do before our date to leave.

Byron and I went to the doc today for new prescriptions and advice about malaria and travelers diarrhea--ever present possibilities when going to a third world country. I wrote out my list of errands to do and purchases to make and with each check off, I thought of two more to add!

I know I'm stressing over this stuff and I don't want to. I'm sure if I were more confident in my ability to organize, I wouldn't keep going over these things, but I'm not, so I stress. But it's really ok. I'm not in a tizzy or anything, I'm just trying to be thorough. I am really looking forward to this adventure. I can't wait to go to church with our African brothers and sisters! Their services are such celebrations with great music and dancing! It's different and worshipful and fun :) I wish I knew more Spanish so I could communicate better, so I'm going to drag out my Spanish textbook from community college and see if I can refresh my memory a bit. I'm sure it will help some!

It's going to be a good trip! I just know it will! It will be hard work, but it will be good. The Lord has His hand all over this one in the way it was brought up and worked out. It was only June when our team was asked to come--and now, with the Lord's help, we are leaving Sept 30 and will return Oct 28! How's that for amazing? What a privilege to be doing this!

Serving the Lord is nothing if not exciting! Please pray for the team as we move toward our departure date.

Father, you amaze me! I am in awe of your providence and ability to orchestrate circumstances and situations. There is no one like you! I'm so happy to be called your friend:) Thank you for your love and your guidance. I love you utterly.

Suz

Monday, August 29, 2011

bright, bright sunshiny days

Getting ready to go. Cleaning up. Packing up. Revving up. Looking forward to the days, weeks and months to come. The sense of anticipation toward the future is nothing to be taken lightly. We need a sense of expectation. We crave the excitement of a new day and all it holds. We must have hope! We need vision!

There are times though when I am on the other side of hope. When I cannot fathom putting one foot in front of the other--when I've done all I know to do, when my heart is weary and when hope feels like the last drops of water going down the drain. It's a miserable place to be. That's when there's little chance of "pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps," when we need outside encouragement from someone who understands our pain and weariness. It's when we need Jesus to remind us that despite the trouble of the moment--despite treading water in the lake of sheer misery--whether the Lord chooses to relieve us from our storm or to take us through it, we will never be left alone to weather it for ourselves!

2 Cor 4:7-8 We have this treasure from God, but we are like clay jars that hold the treasure. This shows that the great power is from God, not from us.8 We have troubles all around us, but we are not defeated. We do not know what to do, but we do not give up the hope of living...

5:16-18 So we do not give up. Our physical body is becoming older and weaker, but our spirit inside us is made new every day.17 We have small troubles for a while now, but they are helping us gain an eternal glory that is much greater than the troubles.18 We set our eyes not on what we see but on what we cannot see. What we see will last only a short time, but what we cannot see will last forever.

There is a better day coming. We can look ahead to better times. We are not mistaken or putting our dreams and hopes into something futile. We are trusting very God! Our Father. The one who loves us more than we love our own children--the one who IS love.

We must lift up our heads and look beyond what's in our faces saying, "There's no hope!" Look ahead to days filled with expectancy of the Lord doing a new thing in us, for us--through us. In the Lord, life is good!

Father, Thank you for a new sense of urgency and expectancy in life, in You! I'm so glad to look forward to what's planned for the coming days, should you tarry. Help us to look to you for encouragement. There's no end of hope with you. I love you so much.

Suz


Friday, August 19, 2011

idyllic places...ha ha ha!

Another good day on Thursday in Ashland even if it wasn't quite as idyllic as reported the day before! I did a few things around the house and then went to visit my friend for a while and check out their chickens. They are the ones I raised and gave to Marsha and Odis. They had nearly 30 eggs hatched and now they have a wonderful flock of beautiful Brahma chickens. There's just something special about a sweet hen...

I thought a lot about Africa today. Those are our big plans coming up--a month long mission trip to Malabo, Equatorial Guinea in October. Pastor Carrol asked our team to come for a month to lay block for the Bible School we started there in 2009 and we said, "Yes!" Our longest mission trip thus far has been about 11 days and this one will be nearly 3 times that one. It's a little scary to be gone that far from home for that long but we feel as though the Lord is directing this trip and even though the assignment will be a tough one, we are eager to obey,

I often worry about all the details when we have a mission trip coming up. What should I bring? Will I have enough stuff? How can I plan and make this trip as seamless as possible for us? And that's when the trip is only a week or so. What about my energy level? Can I handle the work ahead? A month long trip really brings out the big guns of worry! I know it will all work out but until then, I stress over it, making list after list in my head. Probably ought to just write this stuff down and get it all together. I'm trusting the Lord to help me plan.

Our pup, Blue, had some kind of allergic reaction last night. I think it was my new fabric softener because of how it came about. Poor little guy was miserable; itching, running around trying to get relief, not being able to rest at bed time. Byron drove me to Piggly Wiggly to get some Benedryl for him and it eased his symptoms a little bit but only for a short time. I waited a few hours and gave him another dose and it helped a little bit again but not really well. I prayed for him and took him to bed with me. He slept for an hour and then got miserable again so I wiped him down with a cool wash cloth trying to get the softener off him and cool his hot little body and it seemed to give him a bit of relief. We went to another room and he slept the rest of the night snuggled up to me. Poor baby. He was so miserable and all he wanted was his Mama. Another dose today and he's much better. I rewashed his blankies sans fabric softener and he should be ok. I hate it when my babes suffer.

So, life isn't perfect in Ashland, AL. Fancy that! Maybe the contentment I feel when I first get here is what most people feel on vacation. I don't relax easily, so on trips, etc., I'm usually wound up, anticipating the fun ahead, or the work to come. No matter. Life isn't perfect and trouble-free anywhere in this world, but I love it here in our little house on the hill.

Thank you, Lord, for your loving care and supplying all our needs from helping me plan well for a longer mission trip to a faraway place, to calming an itchy little Chihuahua named Blue. I love you so much!

Suz





Wednesday, August 17, 2011

uncluttered days and contentment

I had a good day today in beautiful Alabama. It was cool this morning, hot this afternoon and cool again in the late afternoon. The woods are looking a little ragged with the Tulip Poplars' leaves already turning yellow. My plum tree's leaves are getting crunchy and they are starting to drop and with the exception of the long leaf pines brilliant new leaves, the green is starting to fade throughout the landscape. The cicadas and night bugs sing loudly as soon as the sun goes down. Summer is definitely waning, and even though I'm not pushing any season out of the way, I can almost see fall waiting in the wings ready to take its place on stage.

I cooked three meals today and I loved it. In Florida we would have a simple breakfast, a hurried sandwich for lunch and then a regular dinner. It's different here. The day seems to start earlier and last longer. There are no pressing appointments, only a few special people to visit, and life, at least for us, goes at a snail's pace while we are here. I have time to fix a simple hot lunch. Take ground beef out of the freezer for supper, let it thaw, then fix some spaghetti with meat sauce, salad and garlic bread for our evening meal.

While Byron worked on the yard and later, the mower, I finished unpacking our containers of the things I brought with us and put away all our clothes, etc. for the weeks we will be here. I made the bed, cared for the pups, including taking all three of them out umpteen times to potty. (It takes them a day or so to become readjusted to this place and the potty routine.) I also had time to read more of my book, The Help. It's one I'm really enjoying so I only read it in fits and starts. I don't want to gobble it down. It's hard but I'm trying to savor it. I called my daughter and talked with her a while and with the little bit of clean up from the meals and straightening up, I stayed mostly busy in a contented way, today.

I felt purposeful and necessary and productive. Is this what getting older is supposed to be for me? I don't know how I'm supposed to feel at nearly 59 yrs old. I don't want to be "old" before my time, and on one hand, I feel as though I should fight growing older tooth and toenail--clinging to youth, such as it is at this point, with a death grip. On the other hand, this feels so nice and satisfying. Simple, and good. Normal. I have time to enjoy the things I'm doing. My heart is peaceful.

I like it.

Working at this slower pace allows me time to think--a lot. I think about my family and how dear they are to me. I think about my grandchildren and the people they are becoming. I think about dear friends and remember the fun times we've had, and this uninterrupted time to think allows for simple prayers--you know the kind, "Lord, you know the troubles he has. Intercede for him, Jesus." "Father, she's having a tough time, give her Your strength." "Jesus, I love her so much! She makes me laugh! Thank you for her place in my life." It's spontaneous, but timely conversation with my God at an easy pace. What a treasure!

This was my uncluttered day. If you are my friend or family, I probably brought your name before the Lord today. If the Lord allows them, there are big plans in the months to come on the horizon, and I gladly anticipate them, but for this season, this time, in this place, I want to immerse myself in this day, in this moment, and experience everything the Lord has for me here. There's much to learn from even the simplest tasks and encounters. I don't want to miss anything!

I am not telling you this because I need anything. I have learned to be satisfied with the things I have and with everything that happens. I know how to live when I am poor, and I know how to live when I have plenty. I have learned the secret of being happy at any time in everything that happens, when I have enough to eat and when I go hungry, when I have more than I need and when I do not have enough. I can do all things through Christ, because he gives me strength. Phillipians 4:11-13

This is where my aspirations lay--to be content in any situation--because the Lord is my strength!

Father, Thank you for today. It was a peaceful, satisfying day all around. Help me learn to be content in all my days, even those that are not so peaceful. I love you with all my heart.

Suz

Sunday, July 31, 2011

laying aside worries

                                       August 30, 2018


I wrote the following blog 7 years ago and I can't remember what was weighing so heavily on my mind.  Health?  Finances?  Loved ones?  I do not know.  What I do know is when I reread it tonight, it rang as true now as it did then. There are many issues I could list right this minute.  Dear friends with life threatening illnesses being the biggest on the forefront.  I'm concerned. And there's not one thing I can do in the natural realm to help them. Then there are health issues of ours, not life threatening, that hinder day to day living. Most of these worries are health related, some are financial, some are relational, some are of the future for us. One worry, albeit small, is what to do before we cannot do it anymore. Do we travel and if we do, where do we go?  Along with this one comes thoughts of our old age and mortality. It's not exactly light dinner conversation. Everyone of these is simply life in action and sometimes it confuses, often it hurts, and it can be weighty and painful.

The beauty of all this is that our father, God of all creation, loves us and hears our cries of pain and confusion and he will often answer our prayer for healing or guidance and our friends or family receive miracles!  This is how the Lord's children handle worry.

                                                                July 31, 2011


...let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us...Hebrews 12:1

When the Lord tells us to lay aside the things that bother us, it means that it's possible to lay them aside. There's nothing too pressing, too big, too important, or too worrisome that we cannot lay it aside so we can draw closer to the Lord.

It's like wearing a big, ugly, dirty, heavy coat in the middle of our summer. We don't need it, we don't want it and it does nothing to help us. It makes us stinky and miserable. It keeps our focus on issues that will not be remedied by worrying about them.

Prayer makes a difference. Worry does not!

We are perfectly able to unbutton the awful thing and take it off, allowing ourselves to breathe easier, move more freely and give our minds space to think about what the Lord has for us today. Worry is fruitless and harmful. I've been worrying about some things, and if I am worrying, then I'm not trusting.

Tonight, as I sat on the porch at dusk, swinging and praying, I wondered just what steps to take--you know, like 1. 2. 3..., to lay aside my worries and draw near to the Lord, because I know this is where true joy resides. I thought of, "Come near to God and he will come near to you..." James 4:8, and I talked to the Lord some more about all those things I'd been carrying around. I took each one and I gave it to my Father. It was hard to let go of some of them because I'd grown so accustomed to holding them closely and worrying about them so much, but because He said I could lay them aside, I laid them aside.

As I lay each one down, I felt irresponsible--putting these important issues away like this--giving them to someone else--not worrying about them anymore. But it was necessary. The Lord said He will take all my burdens, so I'm not irresponsible but responsible for giving these worries to the only One who can do something about them!

I cried and prayed and my coat of many worries fell to the ground at the feet of my Father. My heart lightened, and as I thought about my Father, I looked up and saw the first star of the night twinkling through the clouds...at first, a tiny glimmer, but moment by moment, it brightened. As I considered His goodness and grace, I saw another star and thought of Jesus, my elder brother, my advocate, my friend. Just as I was about to go inside, I saw the third star of the night and was reminded of the Holy Spirit, the Comforter, my Helper. I felt surrounded by strength and love. It was wonderful!

Father, Thank you for taking my worries and bothersome issues for me. I know I am not able to fix them but you are able to take care of them in the very best way. I love you! Help me to always hear your voice clearly and to do what you say. No one loves me more than you do!

Suz






Friday, June 24, 2011

the entirely possible

What do you do when an opportunity comes along and you'd love to participate but it's a big thing? A really big thing. It's going to be longer than you've ever been gone before. It's going to cost a lot of money. It's going to be hard work and you're not so sure you're up to the physicality of it all. How do you jump in with both feet off that precipice of your personal "normal" and fly smack dab into extreme unfamiliarity and the mostly unknown?

My cousin says, "God doesn't call the enabled. He enables the called." I believe this. I do--and it's a comfort for sure. I just want to know we've been called to this particular task--to this experience. I get excited when I think of it--the adventure--the tremendous opportunity. Wouldn't it be wonderful? When I think about doing something this new and exciting for the Lord now, at my age, it's humbling for sure.

If you don't know what you're doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You'll get his help, and won't be condescended to when you ask for it. Ask boldly, believingly, without a second thought. People who "worry their prayers" are like wind-whipped waves. Don't think you're going to get anything from the Master that way, adrift at sea, keeping all your options open. James 1:5-8 Message

Whether it's a small thing or a big thing--in our eyes of humanity--isn't the process the same? We pray. We ask the Lord to open doors, close others and move in the direction of the prize always looking with great anticipation toward the entirely possible!

Lord, Thank you for your promise of freely offered wisdom. Guide us in the way you'd have us go and make that way clear for us. Without You, we can do nothing. I love you, Father.

Suz

Thursday, June 16, 2011

my mother, my friend

Four years ago on June 17, 2007, my mother, Barbara Bryant, died of lung cancer. It was nearly a four year battle for her and she fought a good fight. She endured treatment that I'm not sure I ever could. Chemotherapy was hard and I think the radiation treatments were the worst for her, but she pressed on and did all she could do to be here as long as possible--for her grandkids. She knew as long as she was here, they had a home and stability. It wasn't about her and her relief and comfort. It was the sacrifice and giving that a loving mother provides for her family.

I spent a lot of time with her those nearly four years she was sick because there were doctors' appointments every day for a long time. We ate lunch out after most trips and loved doing it. It gave us some light moments and some good food. I learned much about what she enjoyed eating and about her, her life and what she thought about many things. I tried to make sure we had something good and made new memories each day. The days were long for us both and exhausting for her, but every morning, she got up, got ready and we left for our adventure du jour.

At one point it was necessary for Mom to have a feeding tube for a few months because of the radiation treatments. Lunch wasn't an option during that time but she still loved to think about and talk about good food--a lot. One day as we were heading home, she spotted Jason's deli in Altamonte Springs. She told me she'd wanted to go in there for a long time and as soon as she was able, we'd have to go there for lunch. I told her that's exactly what we'd do...and soon! But then I thought, why not just go see what it was like in there? So I made my way to the parking lot and we went inside.

We took a seat on the bench on the take out side and just sat there for a while checking out the menu, smelling the delicious aromas and watching the people. Even though she couldn't eat, she encouraged me to get something to go, or to even eat there. I declined and told her that we'd both come back first chance we got and get something really delicious and take our time to enjoy our meal together. After about 20 minutes or so, we left and went home.

After a few months when she no longer had the tube and her esophagus was healed, I made good on my promise to Mama and we headed straight to Jason's after an appointment. She ordered a hot pastrami sandwich and potato salad and I had a quarter ham muffalatta. Our lunch was delicious and we both totally enjoyed it. I was so glad we'd finally gotten to try out our great deli place, and so was she!

I'm naturally shy (oh, yes I am!) and not usually the one who openly stops to "smell the roses," even though I believe it's important, but I'll never forget our 20 minutes or so on the bench that first time. We sat next to one another quietly chatting, absorbing the whole atmosphere, anticipating our next time when we would enjoy our meal together. It is one of my most precious memories with my mother.

I broke the ice that day on living in the moment and Mom and I had many more times of enjoying what was going on "right now," but it's also something I have continued to this day. It's too easy to always look to what's next on our list of things to do. There will always be the next thing and the next. We can get so caught up in what's coming up that we lose sight of what's right here, right now.

I miss my mother very much and at times, when something good--or bad--is happening, for just a split second, I think, "I'm going to call Ma...," but before I even complete the thought, I realize it's not going to happen and it makes me sad. I feel the loss all over again. Even though I don't have her here with me now, I do have an especially personal insight about life and living it fully.

My mother wasn't perfect, nor am I, but she was the perfect mother for me, and I thank the Lord dearly for her and her influence on my life. I miss you, Mom. You were a good mother and my dear friend. I love you.

Suz

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Summer time

Summer and I went to the movies last Friday for the opening day for Judy Moody and the NOT Bummer Summer. Summer has read many, if not all, of the Judy Moody books so she was looking forward to seeing this particular movie a lot.

We got there a little early, which was good, so our first stop was at the snack counter. She chose the kid's pack of candy, sm popcorn, and soda. All the right parts for a fun treat! There were plenty of seats so we got a couple of the best ones for our movie. I think I like those sour gummy watermelon candy things!

The movie was creative and funny, sort of. Because I do not know Judy Moody, I was surprised she was as whiny and ill tempered as she is. I was expecting excitable, fun, creative and very high energy--not grumpy and disrespectful. As long as things go exactly her way, she's very fun but look out if disappointment comes her way. Despite my slight dislike for Judy's character, there were enough cute, fun things that made our afternoon enjoyable.

After the movie we made our picture in a photo booth and we got a little silly but with my granddaughter, silly is great! We went to lunch--yes, even after our movie snacks--at Olive Garden. We didn't hurry and we talked a lot. Summer is growing up so fast. Seems like only yesterday she was a cute, chubby little baby and now she's a smart, lovely, soon to be fifth grade young girl who uses words like "ironic" correctly! I love it!

Nothing miraculous happened. No crisis. No double rainbows with lots and lots of glitter. Just a wonderful afternoon with my favorite blonde granddaughter, Summer. Time together. We've been gone a lot lately and I've missed it. I want more. I've watched a lot of people recently on tv talk about how they want to "get their lives together" so they can spend more time with their family. I got to do it last week with my little grandgirl. I can't wait to spend time with Hannah, too, and to see the rest of my group (Sid gets to come, too!) on Father's Day. It was a satisfying way to spend a summer afternoon.

Thank you, Lord for such a sweet blessing!

Suz

Friday, June 10, 2011

being in control

I've seen a few people lately whose lives are completely and totally out of control. They just can't hold it in the road. They cannot change the paths they are on because they follow any new wind of desire looking for the next thrill. They are then off on a destructive journey which inevitably leads them back to revisit those all too familiar detrimental places that always made them feel comfortable before.

They go from bad to worse with dire consequences from which there seems to be no escape. After a while they feel compelled to follow these ever worsening winds of change. Lying, stealing, drugs, even intense anger help them momentarily forget the pig pen of disaster they live in. They've lost hope and any inkling of how to remove themselves from their pit of despair. They are at the mercy of whatever sounds good at the time. It's a heartbreaking place to barely exist.

There have also been times in my own life when control was the last thing I had a good grip on. Questions arose for which I had no answers. Things happened I couldn't change. Family and friends got sick and I couldn't make them well. It was different in some ways, but I, too, did not have control of what was happening. I wasn't calling the shots. I couldn't make anything go the way I wanted it to go. I wanted to make it all better. I wanted to do something to help--to fix it--to change it, but it wasn't going to happen, and despite all my good wishes and hopes for the future, I felt totally useless.

The answer to both these scenarios is simple, really. Each situation requires the same action for remedy: relinquishment of the reins of our lives to God. Whether we're talking about being bound by sin and addiction or by our own powerlessness to effect change, we need God to do the work! We must make ourselves vulnerable, pliable in His hand. He is the potter. We are the clay. Without Him, we can do nothing.

"My grace is enough; it's all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness.
Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become."
2 Corinthians 12:9-10

I pray for those I know who are slaves to their own desires and addictions and I am still working on relinquishing my so-called control to the Lord's hand. I am finding rest in letting the Lord take the lead. It is a job that is way too big for me and I'm learning to love the freedom that comes with letting go!

Father, Thank you for taking me up and being my strength. Help me to trust you more fully every day. Help those I love who are totally out of control in their own ways. Only you can save us and make us whole. I love you utterly.

Suz