A friend gave me a family photo Christmas card. The girls (about 12 and 6) were smiling with a lovely Christmas tree and presents behind them. The eldest of the girls asked me how I liked the card and I said it was very nice and they looked pretty in it. She then told me how she'd been "sick as a dog" that day and that she'd "puked her guts out" before the photo was taken. Then she said, "I take a pretty good picture when I'm sick."
Another young girl I know was asked recently if she cooked and she piped up proudly, "Yeah, I'm a great cook!" Now I happen to know this is an exaggeration as she rarely even tries to fix food. Had I not known this fact, I might have mistaken her for a young Rachel Ray.
Several years ago, the diagnosis of the day for any problem that came up with children was a "lack of self-esteem," and the cure was to build their self-confidence. Not so with these 2 girls. There was no lack of self-confidence here. Just ask them! Granted, both these girls are young and immature but it does give me pause to ask where all this "hooray for me" came from?
I will admit that I used to know a lot more stuff some years back than I do today. In fact, it seems I'm sure of fewer and fewer things as the years go by. Back then, I knew right was right and wrong was wrong about so very many issues--even ones the Bible wasn't clear on. If you asked me, I could tell you what was what. Case closed.
I like to think as we grow older our edges soften, our hearts widen and empathy is the balm that soothes us when disagreements arise. Please understand, right is right and wrong is still wrong. There is absolute truth and on this the Bible is clear. Where there is any leeway at all, however, I want to temper my heart with love. When it comes to difference of opinion, I try to remember what a wise pastor once taught us. It is better to love than to be "right."
I don't have as much self-confidence as I once did, I don't do everything well, and I don't have as many 'right' answers as I once did. But I do have more love, and I try to show it more often than before. And when I grow really old, I want to be one of those sweet, lovely, kind, Jesus-loving old ladies with my eyes on heaven.
I love you all.
Suzanne
Monday, December 17, 2007
Sunday, December 16, 2007
precipices, lasagna, and issues
I've gotten a few things done this week, except write in this blog. I thought it would be easier to write everyday, but it hasn't been. Seems I've got to have something to say first. Fancy that.
I've done a little shopping, a few good deeds, and with Holly's help, finished a few small projects around the house. I've also felt solemn and had few smiles to go around. Sadness seems to be my companion lately. I don't feel horrible, just serious and not so jolly. I miss my mom and the way things were. I know it will pass, but for now it's very present. Having Kayla with us helps. I'm not going around the house in a mood of gloom and doom. She needs a few laughs and happiness so I make the effort.
I went to a new doctor who specializes in hormonal problems. She's started me on one hormone and some vitamins and I've had a bunch of bloodwork to analyze where I'm at, so to speak. I'll find out in a couple of weeks what she thinks and hopefully level out my system. I'm tired of standing on the edge of "the hole." I want to bask in the sun and feel good again. Anyway, I'll keep you posted on what she tells me.
In spite of standing on the edge of the precipice (I love that word), I'm looking forward to Christmas Eve and Christmas day. The family will gather at my house that night, and the next day, it's a big breakfast and the traditional Christmas lasagna. I know it sounds funny, but for several years now we've had lasagna on Christmas day. It couldn't be any farther away from turkey and ham and we all like it that way.
I read Oswald Chamber's My Utmost for His Highest for today and he used the verse,
2 Timothy 2:15, "Study to show thyself approved unto God, a workman that needs not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth." He wrote of finding a principal of God such as salvation, heaven, tithing, or whatever, and learning it well so we can clearly explain it to someone else. Studying is hard work but Chambers said we must do this to have truth to share with others. If we will learn it well, the Lord will give us opportunity to share it with someone who needs it for strength. I love the last sentence in the devotion. "The author who benefits you most is not the one who tells you something you did not know before, but the one who gives expression to the truth that has been dumbly struggling in you for utterance." How many times have I read something wise and thought, "Wow, I knew that! I just didn't know how to put it into words." I love those lightbulb moments.
In the same vein, I had a prof who told us to find an issue and write an essay on it because until we could explain our stance on the issue clearly on paper, we wouldn't really know what we thought about it. It's the same principal. Learn it, then teach it. It made me think about some issues I struggle with and how I need to study and pray more about them so the Lord can use me to share them with someone else.
Above all, God is good. I love you all.
Suzanne
I've done a little shopping, a few good deeds, and with Holly's help, finished a few small projects around the house. I've also felt solemn and had few smiles to go around. Sadness seems to be my companion lately. I don't feel horrible, just serious and not so jolly. I miss my mom and the way things were. I know it will pass, but for now it's very present. Having Kayla with us helps. I'm not going around the house in a mood of gloom and doom. She needs a few laughs and happiness so I make the effort.
I went to a new doctor who specializes in hormonal problems. She's started me on one hormone and some vitamins and I've had a bunch of bloodwork to analyze where I'm at, so to speak. I'll find out in a couple of weeks what she thinks and hopefully level out my system. I'm tired of standing on the edge of "the hole." I want to bask in the sun and feel good again. Anyway, I'll keep you posted on what she tells me.
In spite of standing on the edge of the precipice (I love that word), I'm looking forward to Christmas Eve and Christmas day. The family will gather at my house that night, and the next day, it's a big breakfast and the traditional Christmas lasagna. I know it sounds funny, but for several years now we've had lasagna on Christmas day. It couldn't be any farther away from turkey and ham and we all like it that way.
I read Oswald Chamber's My Utmost for His Highest for today and he used the verse,
2 Timothy 2:15, "Study to show thyself approved unto God, a workman that needs not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth." He wrote of finding a principal of God such as salvation, heaven, tithing, or whatever, and learning it well so we can clearly explain it to someone else. Studying is hard work but Chambers said we must do this to have truth to share with others. If we will learn it well, the Lord will give us opportunity to share it with someone who needs it for strength. I love the last sentence in the devotion. "The author who benefits you most is not the one who tells you something you did not know before, but the one who gives expression to the truth that has been dumbly struggling in you for utterance." How many times have I read something wise and thought, "Wow, I knew that! I just didn't know how to put it into words." I love those lightbulb moments.
In the same vein, I had a prof who told us to find an issue and write an essay on it because until we could explain our stance on the issue clearly on paper, we wouldn't really know what we thought about it. It's the same principal. Learn it, then teach it. It made me think about some issues I struggle with and how I need to study and pray more about them so the Lord can use me to share them with someone else.
Above all, God is good. I love you all.
Suzanne
Monday, December 10, 2007
precious gifts
Sunday morning our pastor asked us if we were willing to give to God something that cost us something. I thought long and hard about what I had to offer to the Lord because for some years now I have held my material possessions loosely where He is concerned. If I've got it and the Lord has need of it, it's His. What could I give Him of mine He didn't already have?
So in those few moments of worship and prayer, I imagined the chamber of my heart. I invited the Lord into the rounded room with a rosey hue. At the back wall of my heart there was an open door to a room which was dimly lit. The Lord and I both know what is in this secluded place. This room holds what I don't easily offer or open to anyone. It's the secret place of my heart where my real treasures are kept. It is the place where love abounds for those dearest to me. It is where I hold my family close: my husband, children, grandchildren, siblings, dear friends, etc. To invite Him in was not easy for me, but it is important that the Lord has access to everything in my life. Everything. Even family.
So, I took my dear family, one by one, and offered them as gifts to Jesus. Each one, individually, each one, more precious than the next, offered to the Master. With each gift, I wept, not of sorrow, but of surrender, of sweet and total surrender to Jesus, my Lord.
I love you all.
Suzanne
So in those few moments of worship and prayer, I imagined the chamber of my heart. I invited the Lord into the rounded room with a rosey hue. At the back wall of my heart there was an open door to a room which was dimly lit. The Lord and I both know what is in this secluded place. This room holds what I don't easily offer or open to anyone. It's the secret place of my heart where my real treasures are kept. It is the place where love abounds for those dearest to me. It is where I hold my family close: my husband, children, grandchildren, siblings, dear friends, etc. To invite Him in was not easy for me, but it is important that the Lord has access to everything in my life. Everything. Even family.
So, I took my dear family, one by one, and offered them as gifts to Jesus. Each one, individually, each one, more precious than the next, offered to the Master. With each gift, I wept, not of sorrow, but of surrender, of sweet and total surrender to Jesus, my Lord.
I love you all.
Suzanne
Sunday, December 9, 2007
peaceful time together
Hannah and Summer spent yesterday afternoon and evening with my niece Kayla and me so Mommy and Daddy could have a "date." I anticipated their arrival all day. My granddaughters are my joy and I love spending time with them both.
Our evening was low key. I fixed a little dinner, we ate, laughed and hung out. There was TV to watch and word play to enjoy. Summer had a little trouble with her pup allergy so we sat outside on the porch swing a while so she could breathe some non-doggy air. She selected the most beautiful rocks in my yard and we talked of little refrigerators for her bedroom and thorns on roses she calls "pokeys". (When I told her I used to call them "pickers," she laughed.) I think "pokeys" is funnier.
I baked some brownies and we just had a very relaxed evening. There was no drama, no tension, just nice family time, granddaughters and Suzy. Mom and Dad picked them up about 10 or so after their dinner out. I gave them their special kisses...buzzing them both on their neck, and they went home to sleep. They'd had a very busy day.
As I write this I realize this picture isn't the case in many households, and it may sound boring to most, but, for us it was perfect. No one was ill or ill-tempered and there was no selfishness or aggravation or tears. I treasure these times.
The Lord is helping me smell the roses and relax in the moment. There are too many times that are overwhelming and dramatic, so when a sweet one comes along, I want to revel in it. Love it. Savor it.
God is good and He gives us good gifts.
Suzanne
Our evening was low key. I fixed a little dinner, we ate, laughed and hung out. There was TV to watch and word play to enjoy. Summer had a little trouble with her pup allergy so we sat outside on the porch swing a while so she could breathe some non-doggy air. She selected the most beautiful rocks in my yard and we talked of little refrigerators for her bedroom and thorns on roses she calls "pokeys". (When I told her I used to call them "pickers," she laughed.) I think "pokeys" is funnier.
I baked some brownies and we just had a very relaxed evening. There was no drama, no tension, just nice family time, granddaughters and Suzy. Mom and Dad picked them up about 10 or so after their dinner out. I gave them their special kisses...buzzing them both on their neck, and they went home to sleep. They'd had a very busy day.
As I write this I realize this picture isn't the case in many households, and it may sound boring to most, but, for us it was perfect. No one was ill or ill-tempered and there was no selfishness or aggravation or tears. I treasure these times.
The Lord is helping me smell the roses and relax in the moment. There are too many times that are overwhelming and dramatic, so when a sweet one comes along, I want to revel in it. Love it. Savor it.
God is good and He gives us good gifts.
Suzanne
Saturday, December 8, 2007
family
I took my elderly aunt to the dr today because she's been recuperating so slowly from a bad flu a couple of weeks ago. The good news is that she's a little dehydrated and needs more fluids and time to get better.
On our way home, I drove through the cemetary to show her my mother's (her sister's) headstone complete with the recent date of death (June 17, '07) newly inscribed. She cried and we talked of my dad's death 17 years ago on Christmas Eve day and her husband's death in Nov, 3 years ago.
My mother and aunt were as close as any two sisters I've ever known. From the time my mother was born, Aunt Wanda took care of her little sister. As young teens, they double dated and as newly marrieds, often shared apartments. Through the years they went into business together and shared homes often. So, when Mom was diagnosed with lung cancer 4 years ago, Aunt Wanda stepped in to fulfill her "share" of care for Mom. We worked closely together day and night, my favorite aunt and I. There's no other family member I am closer with, not even my sisters or brother.
Seeing my aunt ill and weak is disconcerting for me. This strong woman who has taken care of many, many foster children, taken various family members into her home when necessary and been an emotional and physical support to so many people is now elderly (79 years old) and fragile. It scares me, especially so soon after my mother's death. How I love Aunt Wanda!
I made her and Aunt Margaret some homemade vegetable beef soup yesterday for their supper and today they both called me their "angel who can cook." I laughed because I know ALL my shortcomings and told them my halo was crooked and dusty. Truth is, I have no halo and I'm certainly no angel. I'm just a very grateful woman who loves the Lord Jesus and also loves her family.
I never really knew how much family could mean to a person. Oh, I know a mother's love for her children and a wife's love for her husband and how deep it runs, but my love for extended family goes just as deep and is equally as compelling. I cherish my husband, my daughters and their husbands and my grandchildren, and I hold tightly to my dear aunts and hope they will be around for a long time yet.
Oh, the Lord is so good to me!
Suzanne
On our way home, I drove through the cemetary to show her my mother's (her sister's) headstone complete with the recent date of death (June 17, '07) newly inscribed. She cried and we talked of my dad's death 17 years ago on Christmas Eve day and her husband's death in Nov, 3 years ago.
My mother and aunt were as close as any two sisters I've ever known. From the time my mother was born, Aunt Wanda took care of her little sister. As young teens, they double dated and as newly marrieds, often shared apartments. Through the years they went into business together and shared homes often. So, when Mom was diagnosed with lung cancer 4 years ago, Aunt Wanda stepped in to fulfill her "share" of care for Mom. We worked closely together day and night, my favorite aunt and I. There's no other family member I am closer with, not even my sisters or brother.
Seeing my aunt ill and weak is disconcerting for me. This strong woman who has taken care of many, many foster children, taken various family members into her home when necessary and been an emotional and physical support to so many people is now elderly (79 years old) and fragile. It scares me, especially so soon after my mother's death. How I love Aunt Wanda!
I made her and Aunt Margaret some homemade vegetable beef soup yesterday for their supper and today they both called me their "angel who can cook." I laughed because I know ALL my shortcomings and told them my halo was crooked and dusty. Truth is, I have no halo and I'm certainly no angel. I'm just a very grateful woman who loves the Lord Jesus and also loves her family.
I never really knew how much family could mean to a person. Oh, I know a mother's love for her children and a wife's love for her husband and how deep it runs, but my love for extended family goes just as deep and is equally as compelling. I cherish my husband, my daughters and their husbands and my grandchildren, and I hold tightly to my dear aunts and hope they will be around for a long time yet.
Oh, the Lord is so good to me!
Suzanne
Thursday, December 6, 2007
my first post
So, this is what blogging is all about--typing and sharing bits and pieces of our lives for the world to see. It seems I've needed an audience for a while and I guess you get to be it.
Welcome to my world.
Welcome to my world.
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