a field trip to the cemetery

Kayla, Hannah and I went on a field trip this afternoon to the cemetery in our little town of Apopka. It was for a project Kayla is working on for her photography class at school. She needed to take a panoramic photo and she chose the cemetery where some of our closest family is buried: my dad, my mother and my sister are side by side there so it's a special place for us to visit.

Our town graveyard isn't new and shiny and perfect in every way with unbending rules about how a family member can or cannot show love and remembrance for their loved ones who have died. It's an old fashioned type cemetery where family and friends can fix up and decorate their plots any way they like. There are benches, fences, toys, Christmas trees, and lots of flowers-both faded and worn and beautiful ones that still look new. I love it for all it's eclectic beauty and, in some cases, unbridled gaudiness. I think if you pay $1,000.00 for a small plot of ground you ought to be able to dress it up any way you want to--and, so do a lot of people, it seems. There's a lot of dressing up going on down there.

While Kayla worked on her project and took her photos, Hannah and I also walked around and snapped a few pictures of the oldest headstones and ancient oak trees. Now, I know a lot of people are bothered by cemeteries and the whole issue of death itself but I love the peacefulness of walking among our departed ancestors and there's a good reason for it.

When I married Byron I married into a family who produced concrete crypts for mausoleums. They not only poured the crypts and delivered them to the job site, but Byron and his dad built mausoleums all over the state of Florida and a few in Georgia and Tennessee, so every time we went on any type of road trip we always took a tour through at least one cemetery to check out the buildings Byron and his dad had constructed. I grew to love those short jogs through the small town cemeteries, hearing the stories of the job and how it went so many years before. My family has a lot of good memories about a type of place many people dislike or even fear. Working in cemeteries put a roof over our head, clothes on our backs and food on our table for a very long time. It was a good thing.

Going there today, though, made me sad. So many headstones. Some new, some old, some for the elderly, some for the babies and children. Each one represented an entire circle of family and friends who grieve for him, or her. I saw where three members of my childhood family of six, were buried and tonight I'm sad. I miss my family and even though I know it will never happen in this lifetime, I want my family back. I want to joke with my dad. I want to talk to my mom. I'd even like to argue a little with my sister, Karla, or maybe just give her a hug and tell her one more time that I love her.

Grief hurts. It sneaks up on you and hits you right in the heart. Today I was snuck up on. My heart hurts. When I looked to the Lord for comfort I found these truths;

"He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds...His understanding is beyond comprehension." Psalm 147:3, 5b

Oh Lord, tonight I am brokenhearted. Please bind my wounds. I love you.

Suz