a sneaky kid and no hiding

I was a sneaky kid. I remember the time I stole a nickel from the corner of an unoccupied desk in my first grade class. As I passed the desk on my way out the door to go home for the day, it sat there glaring at me, screaming, "Take me, take me." I quickly scooped it into my palm and kept walking. Then I held it tightly in my hand with my arm close to my body until I reached home, where I put it in an old play purse to conceal it further so I could bring it into the house without my mother's knowledge. It didn't work. She noticed. After much cross examination and punishment with a switch (which seemed to go on for hours), I was taken to school the next morning to return it to my teacher with tears and many mumbled apologies.

As an older child, on family dinner days, I was the Master Food Sneaker. While Mom and Aunt Wanda busied themselves with the final details of our gorgeous meal, I'd pass through the kitchen on the pretext of getting a drink of water or saying hello. While they put the rolls into the oven or set the table, I'd snitch one of the best pieces of ham or beef, the crusty bottom. Hungry girl, great bite of well-seasoned meat bursting with flavor--stolen waters never tasted so sweet.

I'm not so sneaky anymore. Not fast enough. Actually, now that I'm the cook, it's not sneaking, it's taste testing. Anyway...when I realized how utterly open we are to the Lord's sight, how nothing is hidden, I saw that it freed us to be who we really are. We don't have to hide or try to "get away with it." whatever it is, because it wouldn't work anyway. Our heavenly Father knows! We may as well ask for His help, for His forgiveness, and go on.

Hebrews 4:13 Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him...14...we have a great high priest...Jesus the Son of God...16 Let us then approach the throne of grace...so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

The Lord knows our innermost sneakiness even if no one else does. He knows us better than we know ourselves and still completely loves us and He still makes a way for us to receive mercy and grace. He not only provides mercy and grace, He seeks us out to give them to us.

He seeks us. He pursues us even in our deceitful, unlovable state. The God of all heaven and earth, of everything, sees us in the bright light of His glory, warts and all, and pursues us--He pursues me. How wonderful is that!

Luke 19:10 For the Son of Man came to seek and to save what was lost."

Lord, thank you for the bright light of your glory that shines on my life and for loving me and providing for me anyway. I love you with all my heart.

Suz

my snuggling pup

Blue is our 9 year old chihuahua and he has issues. He's on meds so he won't have seizures and the medication he takes causes his liver not to function well. He's been known to have back problems and has needed more meds and bedrest on occasion. His fear makes him an aggressive little dog. If you happen to encounter him, don't turn away or he'll bite your ankles.

He comes when we call and is affectionate with us, but throughout the 6 years we've had him, he's been standoffish about staying too close for too long. When he sits near me, he'll stay relaxed until I touch him or speak to him. If that happens, he's outta there! That is, until yesterday.

We had a thunderstorm at our house with lots of lightning and booming going on. He came to me on the couch a couple of times as a trial run. He let me pet him a minute but soon jumped off the couch and paced around the house trying to feel safe somewhere--anywhere. Then he jumped up once more. I petted him calmly and told him I'd take care of him--something I've done a hundred other times--and surprise of all surprises, he stayed. After about 30 sec his little body relaxed and he snuggled down with me. Oh, it wasn't the usual snuggle. This was a "get my nose in her arm pit, bone loosening, snuggle down and trust her" event. I could not believe what I was experiencing! It was amazing and completely out of the norm for this little guy. When the next thunder boom happened, he didn't move to run away, but buried his little nose even deeper into safety. I relished his closeness and dependence upon me.

Like my sweet pup, there've been times I've run from pillar to post trying to find safety. I've searched to find a calm place where my heart can settle down, a place where I can regroup and regain my perspective on the truth of what's going on. As I was always there for little Blue, the truth is, that no matter what's going on, Jesus is waiting for us, for me, to seek Him out for that safe place. He is the calm in the middle of the storm. I can snuggle down into Him all the more whether it's crazy outside or it's crazy inside.

I knew all along Blue would feel safe with me if he'd only let himself relax into my arms, and the Lord knows the same about us. As Blue surrendered to my care and protection letting me provide comfort for him, so can we also snuggle down and let the Lord comfort and mother us. I believe the Lord takes pure joy in our dependence upon Him, as I did my little pup's.

Lord, help me surrender to YOUR care and protection. When it's crazy everywhere, outside and in, let me relax into your arms in utter dependence upon you. I love you, Father.

Suz

good friends and warm moments

I've been reading The Sacred Romance, Drawing Closer to the Heart of God, by Brent Curtis and John Eldredge and it is a deeply moving book. Although only halfway through it, I've come to tears several times because of how closely I've identified with much of what is written.

My favorite passage at the moment is this, "The story that is the Sacred Romance begins not with God alone, the Author at his desk, but God in relationship, intimacy beyond our wildest imagination, heroic intimacy. The Trinity is at the center of the universe; perfect relationship is the heart of all reality. Think of your best moments of love or friendship or creative partnership, the best times with family or friends around the dinner table, your richest conversations, the acts of simple kindness that sometimes seem like the only things that make life worth living. Like the shimmer of sunlight on a lake, these are reflections of the love that flows among the Trinity. We long for intimacy because we are made in the image of perfect intimacy."

I had some of these warm, intimate moments this past week with my friend, Rosemary. We've known one another since we were in 3rd grade so there are no illusions, no facades, and no charades with us. We laughed about past experiences with our other longtime best friend Alice, and we cried together for the grief we felt at the loss of family. We ate together and we shopped together. We marveled at how much we don't know and then talked of the beauty of the Lord and how He's changing us both. We reminisced and we planned future visits. It was a good week.

Good times with family and friends--what gifts from God! I am truly blessed.

Thank you, Lord. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Suz

good medicine

Pastor Gary told a couple of husband-wife jokes Sunday during his first Family Month sermon last Sunday. They were really funny so I thought I'd share two I know.

Joke #1
A husband wasn't feeling well so his wife took him to the Dr. After the examination, the doc excused the husband and spoke to the wife alone. "Your husband is sick and very fragile right now. He needs extremely tender care and generous amounts of pampering if he is to survive. You must see to it his sheets are the softest cotton and they are changed every day. He must be bathed by you every evening with the utmost gentleness and then dressed in the most comfortable pj's money can buy. His meals must be homemade gourmet feasts of only his very favorite foods and it must be for all three meals, each and every day. You must run interference for him in the daily affairs of life. He must never be stressed even the tiniest bit. If you fail in even one of these areas, in either his peace of mind or his bodily comfort, your dear husband will not survive."

The wife left the Dr's office solemnly, thinking over all she'd been told and walked out to meet her husband in the waiting room. When he saw her, he asked, "What did the doctor say?" The wife looked at her husband with a tear in her eye and said, "The doctor said you're gonna die."

Joke #2
Even though Grandpa and Grandma were deaf as posts, their family came together to celebrate their 60th wedding anniversary. There was food, family, and fun all day and even with their hearing loss, they seemed to enjoy the long day's festivities. After everyone had hugged and said their goodbyes, and the last family member went home, Grandpa and Grandma sat in their rocking chairs on the porch, rocking rhythmically, watching the sun go down. Grandpa looked over at Grandma with her plump body, her shining white hair and the deep, smile lines all over her face. He reached over lovingly, patted her hand and said, "I love you." Grandma looked over at the old man she'd been with for all those years with his bib overalls and white hair and wrinkles and reached over and patted Grandpa's hand and said, "I'm tired of you, too."

OK, they're not nice but they ARE funny!

Sometimes we just need a good laugh. Sometimes I just need a good laugh. A cheerful heart is good medicine. Prov 17:22

Above all, God is good.

Suz

yesterday

Karla's funeral day was a good one. For one thing, the weather was perfect. Sunshiny, breezy, and warm. There were dear friends who came to support our family with food, fellowship and love on what is a difficult time for anyone. In spite of some underlying family issues, our family banded together to 'be there' for each other. It was a tiring day, but it really was good. I feel like the Holy Spirit comforted each of us as only He can do.

A little story: After many had already gone home, Byron started up the motorcycle. Aunt Wanda who had been dozing on the couch said (she's nearly 80 yrs old), "Is that the motorcycle?" When told yes, it was the bike, she said, "I gotta get some pants on. I wanna ride. Suzy, get me some pants!" So I found her a pair of pants and some tennis shoes and she was helped onto the bike. (Remember, 80 yrs old) Byron said while they were riding, he was taking it kind of easy with her going about 25 mph and she asked him, "Can this thing go any faster?" He said, "Sure it will." And he took her up to about 55 mph. She came back glowing! I don't believe I've seen her this excited and happy in a long time. Smiling a great big smile with a sparkle in her eye she said afterward, "Boy, am I glad I got to do this! I thought I'd get too bad off to ever ride on it again."

What a woman! I love her so much.

I am so very grateful for what all our friends and family have done for us since Karla's death. The prayer and the good care that we were given is hearwarming.

God is too, too good to me. He gives me such great gifts!

With much love,
Suz

my sister, Karla

My younger sister Karla died at home Wednesday afternoon and I'm still processing it all, so please bear with me.

You all know that my mom and my dear cousin died last year, but I'm noticing that the grief of losing a sibling seems different than the grief of losing an extended family member or of even a parent. There's still the shock of realization that despite the fact that I've never known a time in my life when she wasn't there, she won't be here with me any more. There's the sadness for myself that another person in my family has left me and, along with it, there's a sense of aloneness.

There's also, and this is what's different for me, what feels like a tearing away of something in my gut. Like a part of a set that's been pulled away. I'm not trying to be funny because I don't think I could feel any less humorous than I do right now, but I get a picture of something like dinner rolls that are baked with sides touching. Just before they are put into the basket, they are pulled apart and there are still fibers of the bread clinging from one to another. I feel those fibers. It pulls and it tears and I feel a tremendous sense of loss.

I feel loss for what we had as sisters and what we will now never have. Karla and I weren't soulmate siblings. In fact, our relationship was quite the opposite. We were rivals for as long as I remember. We literally fought as teens and argued as adults, but we also loved one another fiercely.

I have a couple of really nice, current memories that I am holding closely to my heart right now. I would have been a closer friend to her if she would have let me and this is what I think I miss the most. I miss the possibilities.

There's nothing that will change this now. The Lord has called her home and I will 'lean not to my own understanding' but will trust that only He knows what is best for all of us, whether it's joyous or painful.

Thanks for listening.

Above all, God is good.

Suz

Solomon's temple

Yesterday I read about the temple that Solomon built for the Lord. I let my mind soar thinking about its grandeur and opulence as I read its description in 2Chronicles 3. I read of the 23 tons of gold used to overlay the rooms of cypress. Each gold nail weighed 20 ounces and the walls of the upper rooms were also overlaid with gold. At the entrance of the Most Holy Place was a fine linen curtain decorated with blue, purple and scarlet threads and was embroidered with figures of cherubim. There were two carved cherubim overlaid with gold placed standing side by side in the Most Holy Place that had a total wingspan of 30 '. I read of the 30' bronze altar, the great bronze basin called The Sea that was 7 1/2 ' deep and 45' in circumference placed on a base of 12 bronze oxen and yet these are only some of the lengths to which Solomon went to build a temple befitting God Almighty.

King David had wanted to build the temple but his son Solomon was the one chosen, so with all his God-given wisdom, he did everything in his power to honor God with his efforts. It was public, grand scale, no holds barred adoration and honor he was giving to the Lord. The Lord blessed his works and the temple was completed, a true wonder of the world.

Solomon's prayer of dedication begins by acknowledging God's omnipotence and His faithfulness to those who walk before Him in wholehearted devotion. He calls on the Lord to keep His eyes and ears attentive to all the prayers made to Him in the temple and invites the Lord to enter the temple and dwell there. Offerings are given and sacrifices are made.

Fire flashes from heaven burning up the offerings and sacrifices, and the Lord comes. The priests couldn't even enter the Temple because the presence of the Lord filled it.

"When all the people of Israel saw the fire coming down and the glorious presence of the Lord filling the Temple, they fell down on the ground and worshipped and praised the Lord saying, "He is good! His faithful love endures forever." 2Chron 7:3

The Lord responds to Solomon's prayer of dedication, accepting the temple as a holy place for sacrifice to Himself. In His accepting response, the Lord speaks some familiar, loving and comforting words to His people, to us. He tells us that when we have troubles, when we have heartbreak, when we are plagued by physical and emotional famine, He is there. When we are on the bottom of the bottom, when we have parched, thirsty souls, when there is no way left but up, He says,

"Then if my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sins and restore their land." 2Chron 7:14

We are safe. We are well-cared-for children of the Lord. His eyes are open, His ear attends to our cries. He will restore us. He is good! His faithful love endures forever.

Suz