changes

I thought several times this week about calling my mom and talking to her again...but before the thought is even complete, I let it go. My Mom died 3 years, 5 months and 10 days ago, on June 17, 2007. In the days before she found out she had cancer, we'd talk a lot around the holidays, mostly about cooking and recipes. We could discuss a good dinner and dessert!

Since Byron's unplanned early retirement, we are spending more time in Alabama and this year we celebrated a good Thanksgiving there with our eldest daughter, Amy, Lane and Sid and our good friends, while Holly and her family feasted with other family members in FL. It was different and even though we had a great time, I missed our usual get together with both our daughters and families.

My body is getting cranky. Walk across one field too many in the cold morning or wear the wrong shoes and it lets me know I've committed a great error that I will regret at 2 a.m. Eat right before bedtime and acid reflux will raise its ugly head. Plan too many things to do right in a row and my ability to multi-task becomes non-existent--either my brain can't--or won't--wrap itself around the list--and in which order to do them--or I just slow down to a crawl and don't come near to finishing them all.

My dog, Treasure, is having a problem with her hip. She's limping after laying in one position for a long time. There's nothing wrong with her foot. I checked. She's eleven years old, 69 in dog years, and I think she's just struggling to move around when she used to be so spry and lively as a pup--about 6 months ago. Right!

All these changes. Crazy, huh? I have a fifteen year old granddaughter! I have a ten year old granddaughter! I have an eight year old grandson! What happened? I didn't plan all this. They are growing up way too fast. Next time I blink they will be married with children of their own--if the Lord wills.

I've never been one who embraced change easily. Too many years ago, when I was a teen myself, I got upset when Pepsi Co put eight 16 oz bottles in a carton instead of the six they'd always had until then. Silly, I know, but I liked it the way it WAS and sometimes I still have trouble with changes. Oh, not so much the soda pop ones any more, but the big, life altering ones shake me up--like grandkids who are no longer my babies, painful legs in the middle of the night, limping dogs, unplanned retirement and the death of loved ones. These changes--these shifts in MY plans--have caused many fearful moments and not a few tears.

...Praise your God! He made your city secure, he blessed your children among you. He keeps the peace at your borders, he puts the best bread on your tables. He launches his promises earthward—how swift and sure they come! He spreads snow like a white fleece, he scatters frost like ashes, He broadcasts hail like birdseed—who can survive his winter? Then he gives the command and it all melts; he breathes on winter—suddenly it's spring! Psalm 147:12-18

I've been in the place where it seemed to be the middle of winter in the heat of July--when circumstances seemed bleak and disheartening and that the sun would never shine again. Sometimes I STILL feel this way. I was feeling especially overwhelmed by life changes when I found this section of verses, when I discovered that despite the depths of winter that HE allows, at His own command, it all melts and SUDDENLY IT'S SPRING! Winter may be here now, but summer is on its way. I may always struggle with change but with the Lord's breath on winter, it's going to be all right. The seasons will change. THIS season will change. What a relief!

Father, I'm so glad I'm not in charge. Even though I don't always understand your direction and choices for us, I know they are the best ones. There is one season I'm in right now that I wish would pass. Sometimes it's especially tough for me--like right now. I pray you will breathe on this winter and let it be spring. I love you so much and am trusting you for the answer to my prayer.

Suz