making all things new

 My disposition by nature is usually upbeat and I lean toward looking at the brighter side of a thing or situation.  Lately though I've felt like my days have been stormy and cloudless, and, frankly, it was getting on my nerves!  The things causing my gloominess have not changed considerably.  What was, still is, but is hopefully in process of being resolved sooner rather than later. I have prayed much for this season to end and yet here I stand--still waiting.  Waiting on the Lord.

It's hard to wait, especially when I've got such a clear idea of how to fix the issue.  (I'm so glad Jesus has a sense of humor. Can't you just hear Him chuckle at my overconfidence?)  Yes, I have talked to Him about it.  But what is taking so long?

I've been reading about Joseph and how he was sold into slavery by his brothers.   As he worked his way up (by God's design) into the ranks as Potiphar's right hand man,  I noticed how slowly the wheels of God's plan seemed to turn.  Time to build Potiphar's trust and then time in prison for the false allegations of Potiphar's wife.  Time while being forgotten by those in prison that he helped--for years.  Time to become trusted and given the responsibility of storing food in the time of plenty for the famine.  The seven years of plenty and then the seven years of lack--until the day when he was finally reunited with his brothers and ultimately his father!  Think of all those YEARS!

Then, BOOM!  Yesterday, I woke up and my heart was lighter than it had been in weeks.  My countenance was brighter and I felt hopeful!  I believe the Lord let me know it was because someone had prayed for me!  How wonderful and yet how humbling!  Who am I that a friend would mention my name in their prayer time?  Who am I that the Lord would meet me right at the point of my gloom and lift it so beautifully?

It is a great thing and I will not continue to question why, but I will do this:  When I hear of a sister or brother who has a need, I will pray for them right then.  It may not always be a get down on my knees and raise my hands to heaven prayer, but it will be a heartfelt call to the Lord for help with expectation that He will rescue them as He rescued me.           

Thank you, dear one, whoever you are, for remembering me.  Thank you, Father, for brighter days and a hopeful heart!  It's a good day!  I love you, Lord!  You make all things new!   


Suz

drinking sweet oranges

I just drank a sweet Florida orange like I was taught by Barbra, one of my very first Florida friends. For a few moments I was 14 again and it was great!

You may want to try drinking an orange and if you don't know how, here are the steps.

How to Drink a Florida Juice Orange

1. Wash the orange well. Florida oranges are not showroom perfect. They may be dirty and even when they are washed look rusty, but they are some of the sweetest fruit ever!

2. Roll the fruit around on the counter with medium pressure on all sides until soft. Do not break the skin.

3. Take a paring knife and core the stem end of the orange as you would a tomato. Then pare away a small amount of peel around the hole.

4. Holding the orange in your hand, squeeze from the bottom and then sides until juice fills the hole. Suck the sweet juice out of the orange. Repeat and enjoy until orange is dry.

5. Tear apart dry orange and enjoy the pulp, too.

That's the way to drink a Florida orange!

The summer of '67 was a huge year of changes for me. Moving from the north to the south, from densely populated to rural, and leaving my best friends to making new ones, was difficult but often exciting. My friend, Barb, and I drank a lot of oranges and grapefruit from local groves in the summer I was 14. We wandered Clarcona and talked a lot about differences in my former suburban life and her country Florida life. She introduced me to the local postmistress, Mrs Stone and the truant officer, Mrs Damon. We hiked over the local county landfill and visited the local horse farm. I saw baby chicks up close for the very first time and met her faithful Beagle friend, Useless.

I rode a school bus for the first time and changed classes outside! Our school cafeteria had salads and sweet tea and in the back by the Ag classrooms was a smoking area for the seniors. The school day began with a Bible verse and encouragement from our principal, Roger Williams. It was new. It was different. I don't think it was better or worse than where I had been in Michigan...it was just different. I learned a lot of nature-y things and a lot about self-preservation and doing things for myself. There weren't many gators then but there were Florida panthers in the area and spectacular sunsets every evening. It was a good time in my life and I think it helped round out who I am even now.

Wandering around a small country community in the heat of summer wearing flip flops in black sand, stealing oranges for lunch, grabbing a cool drink of water from the hose, meeting the neighbors and discovering another girl's way of life may not sound like a big adventure to most, but for me, it was a good thing and I'm grateful for it.

I had a good time that summer, Lord. Thank you!

Suz

melting

Have you ever just looked at someone and felt overwhelming love and care for them? I remember when our girls were small and I'd see them playing or eating or sleeping and a wave of love as deep as the ocean would wash over my heart. My knees grew weak and their simple, youthful beauty brought tears to my eyes. I felt inadequate to be everything they needed and yet I also realized that I was the one they had...I had to step up and be their mother, their parent, their protector, their champion, whether I felt strong or not.

I feel similarly with each of my grandchildren, but with a twist. The overwhelming wave of love washes over me and my knees grow weak at their complete beauty, both inside and out, and I melt when they are near...but the ultimate responsibility for parenting and protecting does not lie with me--rather, with their very capable parents. In this, is the best of both worlds. I still have the warm and fuzzy feelings, but the work is done by their mother and father. I believe this is the beauty of grandparenting. There is still the responsibility as a grandparent to be a stable, loving, supportive influence in their lives but it is like the cherry on top of the dessert--not the meat and potatoes of the meal.

I've noticed lately that when I look at my husband, even after all the years we've been together, dating over a year and married over forty-one years, when I look at him, my heart melts. It's funny, but I often don't see a 62 year old man, but my 18 yr old boyfriend with the big brown eyes and the long eyelashes and no, I don't need glasses because the heart doesn't need them to remember when.

Mostly, though, there are the other times, when I see the older husband, the one who has worked hard his whole life to support his family. The one who sacrificed day in and day out to provide a home, food, clothing and so many good things for us, his family. This is the guy who went to work whether he felt like it or not. He is the man who braved the summer sun and bitter winter cold to work for us out of love. He is my partner, my husband, my best friend. He's the best one of all, who still has the soft brown eyes and long lashes, and he's the one who melts my heart, still.

Father, thank you for the ones you've placed in my life who touch me deeply. Thank you for those who know me better than anyone on earth and still love me. You're good to me. I love you.

Suz

never beaten, stoned or shipwrecked

Have you ever felt beaten up by what's going on in your life? I have. It's a most miserable place. The very things I try to avoid somehow happen and there I stand--bruised, shaken up and hurting. Despite all good efforts, it gets more intense. By faith, I know the Lord hears my prayers and yet the battle rages. Then, just when I think the situation will calm down, out of nowhere, another one appears. It's absolutely amazing--mind boggling--and if I let myself dwell on these circumstances, then sadness, sorrow and tears become my constant companions. Issues pound in my brain until I can think of little else...UNTIL...specific scripture comes to mind and the realization of what Paul went through hits home for me and I notice the differences.

2 Corinthians 11:23-31 "I have been in prison more often. I have been hurt more in beatings. I have been near death many times.²⁴ Five times the Jews have given me their punishment of thirty-nine lashes with a whip.²⁵ Three different times I was beaten with rods. One time I was almost stoned to death. Three times I was in ships that wrecked, and one of those times I spent a night and a day in the sea.²⁶ I have gone on many travels and have been in danger from rivers, thieves, my own people, the Jews, and those who are not Jews. I have been in danger in cities, in places where no one lives, and on the sea. And I have been in danger with false Christians.²⁷ I have done hard and tiring work, and many times I did not sleep. I have been hungry and thirsty, and many times I have been without food. I have been cold and without clothes.²⁸ Besides all this, there is on me every day the load of my concern for all the churches.²⁹ I feel weak every time someone is weak, and I feel upset every time someone is led into sin."

No matter how miserable or sad I have been, I have to be truthful and say that in comparison to our brother Paul, I have been through NOTHING significant! Never once have I been in prison, beaten with rods for my faith, or almost stoned to death. I've never been whipped or shipwrecked, in danger from thieves, or even gone hungry or naked.

30 If I must brag, I will brag about the things that show I am weak.³¹ God knows I am not lying. He is the God and Father of the Lord Jesus Christ, and he is to be praised forever."

It is then I realize that in my greatest time of personal weakness that I am strongest in Jesus. My own strength may be completely depleted. I may not know what to do or how to do it but through Christ, I am a victor! It is only in my utter lack of resources and strength that I depend upon His power, His wisdom, and His limitless help. In my own power, I have nothing with which to battle. If anything at all goes well, if I receive any relief, if any battle is won, I will brag on what Jesus has done. He is my rescuer!

Lord, your word encourages me on my lowest days! Thank you for recording Paul's life and hardships and his praise for you! I love you!

Suz

depth and breadth and height

I had a great day today with Holly. Her birthday is Saturday so we went shopping for her present and to lunch at a nice little Italian restaurant. It's been a long time since we've been out together and I've missed it a lot.

To all moms of little girls: I know that even though it's hard work now while they are young you feel blessed to have your baby girls. It is an absolutely wonderful time in life when you get to mother your children. Enjoy it to the fullest and then look forward. Some of my greatest times as a mother are when I'm not mothering at all anymore. This present time with my two precious friends who are my daughters, are the best of all.

These times with my adult daughters, Amy and Holly, these times, as genuine friends, are my very, very most precious times. The baby, toddler, little girl, and teen years are great, but the friend years are greater! To get to know who your girls are as adults, how they think, react, believe, and live and to be in awe of who they are as women is a most amazing thing.

I was only 18 and 20 yrs old when I had our girls. Not much more than a baby myself. I was inexperienced and did many things immaturely and even wrong. I don't recommend motherhood for anyone at that young age--but no woman ever loved their girls more than I did...and still do. In spite of my youth, inexperience, and mistakes, the Lord did what I could not. He filled in the gaps in their mothering so much more fully than I ever could and the results speak for themselves.

Our girls love and have served the Lord their whole lives. They are loving, kind, generous women who are grateful for the blessings they have been given. They love and respect us as their parents, and go out of their way to let us know how much we mean to them. Talk about blessed? I am a woman most blessed!

So, Happy Birthday, dear Holly! It was a fun day! I love you more than you'll ever know. And, Amy, I love you in the same way! I wish I could express to you girls to the "depth, and breadth, and height, my soul can reach." I am grateful to the Lord for allowing me to be your mother and more grateful for His filling in my gaps in parenting you both.

Father, thank you, thank you, thank you! You give good gifts...even my children...and I love you for it!

Suz

if wishes were horses...

What makes us want to withdraw from the world? To keep to oneself--to hide for a while. Often, for me, it's because I need time to process events that may be hard to express openly and freely. I need time to consider the the ins and outs of a season. To think of what happened, how it happened, why it happened and what it all means in the grand scheme of things. How will it affect me in the coming days, weeks, months, and even years? How will it affect those around me, those whom I love the most?

Life has changed a lot for my husband and me in the last few years, in good ways and in some not so good ways. We have dealt with, and are still dealing with health issues, financial changes, aging issues, and relationship challenges. For the most part, it's going ok. Sometimes not well, but not always bad, either.

I think the aging thing is the most difficult. I don't want it to be, but it is. I always thought that when someone reached age 60 (I'm not quite there, yet), they felt the same as they did at 50 but they were just older. For some, maybe, but not for me. I definitely feel more tired, have many more aches and pains, sensitive stomach issues, decreased appetite, and my interests are changing. Activity is just plain harder to do--much more of an effort. I'm trying to live a healthier life by exercising some and cutting down on fats and sweets, and it works sometimes. But it's not only physical changes I've been dealing with, it's attitude changes, too, some of them not so positive, others, much better.

I think I'm more patient with sales people and older people than I ever have been but I'm less successful with rude or arrogant adults. I hesitate less when speaking up for myself, but I do it less frequently because most of the time, it's just not that big an issue. I'm also giving up offering my opinion unless asked...but don't ask, if you don't want my honest answer. When I see someone in the grip of sin, it makes me more sad than mad and I realize that it's Jesus' love he or she really needs, not my judgement.

Thinking of days past, I have regrets and wish I could change some things, but "if wishes were horses, we'd all take a ride." I can't change the past, but with the Lord's help and His gracious love, maybe I won't make many new regrets. In some ways I'm more comfortable with who I am, who the Lord made me to be, while in other ways I see so much room to grow and be more like Jesus. I feel the warmth of the Holy Spirit guiding me and helping me more every day. He really is our Helper. It's beautiful to hide away and learn from Him the things of the Lord while He comforts us with God's love.

Thank you, Father, for time to think about things and your wisdom to guide us. I can't do it on my own. I need you.

Suz

Day 28...countdown!

The team only has today and Friday to work at the job site. They have all 3 buildings blocked and are now working on the central octagon. Two walls of the octagon are 11 courses high and 5 other sides are coming right along. They have to leave one undone for dirt work, etc, inside. The Africans have been working together with our guys to get this project as far along as possible while we are here and will continue after we have gone home to finish up. It's been a tough job all around. Fatigue has been a challenge, as well as the rain. The blocks are not uniform which makes laying them difficult and the uneven ground along with the mud makes just walking from place to place a challenge! Despite all these things, though, the team has done an amazing job and the place looks more like a Bible school every day!

I wish you all could see the beautiful grounds of the Malabo Bible School. Rolling grass covered hills are highlighted about with lush greenery. Coconut palms, banana, papaya, carambola, and avocado trees dot the property. Giant Ceiba trees that can grow 230 ft or more are also scattered over the landscape. They are straight, with a mostly branchless trunk that culminates in a huge, spreading canopy and buttress roots that can be taller than a grown person. I've never seen anything like them until we came here two years ago. It's not a sight I'll likely forget!

Local women wash their clothes and bathe at the small river that runs through the property. They scrub the clothes and slap them on the rocks to clean them as best they can, while young men wash cars downstream where the river runs by the highway. A hen and her chicks meander the property while a battle worn rooster crows throughout the day. Pastor Carrol has 8 pretty little goats that graze the fields during the day and are put in their pens for safety at night. Lizards are abundant and run everywhere over the place. I saw some that were large, beautiful pastel blue and green and yellow running up and down one of the palms the day we went there to see the goats.

The school property is a peaceful place. I imagine Bible students walking from place to place on campus or sitting on a bench beneath a Ceiba tree reading and studying or praying. This Bible school is one of the prettiest places in all of Malabo and will be a light shining in the darkness, training the many people who want to come study God's Word.

The days are passing by--28, so far. We've marketed many times, cooked many meals, prayed many prayers, slept many nights, made many phone calls home and missed our families tremendously. A man cut the grass yesterday. The Deal's five puppies are growing up fast. The team has laid nearly 7500 blocks so far and are working hard today to get as much done as they can because our time is coming to a close. Each day done is a day closer to home. Gayle is fixing a turkey tonight and if it's as good as the last one, we're in for a treat.

It's a good day here in Malabo.

Father, thank you for your strength in this assignment. You are blessing the team with good health and strength and good results. Thank you for Pastor Carroll's and Gayle's vision to build the Bible school and for the strength to see it through. It's going to be good, Lord. Real good. I love you and appreciate your grace and mercies that are new each morning.

Suz