Some people don't like solitude or private time. For me it's a necessary thing. Without it I feel swamped with things to do--with things to think about. Sometimes I just need time to think--to unwind. To pray.
It's why I often stay up late at night. Byron goes to bed pretty early and Kayla goes to her room to do homework or whatever, I put the three pups to bed and I stay up. Sometimes I read, or research stuff on the internet, or check out friends on Facebook or just watch reruns of Law and Order. There's something calming about a quiet house. I don't have to take anybody with 4 legs and a tail outside to potty. I don't have to talk. I don't have to get up unless I want to get up. I put my mind in neutral and coast for a little while. I might think about a family issue or plans for the next few days or, if I do the best thing, I think about the Lord and talk to Him.
Those big issues, those family situations, they are the Lord's specialty. It can be hard to find someone to listen to your problems, or give you sound advice, but the Lord lives for this stuff--for these special times when we are troubled or vulnerable or just still enough to hear His voice. The Lord won't shout us down, in fact, He will do just the opposite. "Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me." Rev 3:20 The Lord politely knocks and waits to be invited in--to be included in our lives. Sometimes I struggle with behaving politely...HA! I know you all are saying, "Well, YEAH!" But Jesus never bullies or yells or coerces anyone to spend time with Him. That's why it's so very special when we are alone with Him. We have His undivided attention. He listens to us. He gives us the best advice there is. He loves us enough to help us, but also enough to tell us the truth, not only about how to handle a problem but also how to handle ourselves and our shortcomings. He doesn't brow beat us down. He is the light and he simply shines on our path, on our heart, and shows us where we need to move up, to do better. There are so many places his light shines on my life and I need the down time to see them--to make plans to change them. To change them.
We all need work. There's not a one of us who is perfect in practice yet. Oh, but one of these days! I try hard most of the time to genuinely do well--to do the Lord proud. To walk in the place of peace and contentment and kindness. Sometimes, I'm there and I love it. Other times, not so much. I'm crabby and irritable and occasionally just plain mean. Yep. Mean. Not Christlike at all. Those are my most miserable days because I want so much to be better than this. I long for the best the Lord has for me, and being grumpy won't cut it. So I pray. I ask Him in and I ask the Lord to make me more like Him. I believe He will because spending time with him changes me. He changes me. It's a good thing.
My whirlwind will continue for at least the next couple of weeks--probably longer. And, I'll stay up late for time with Jesus because I won't find what I really need online or on Law and Order reruns. Knowing that he's my answer.--that He'll make a difference in my life. He's the peace I need.
Father, Thank you for your peace. Thank you for quiet time and opportunity to decompress. Thank you for knocking at my door and for guiding me in your way. I need YOUR way. I love you. Help me hear you and do what you say.
Suz
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