patience and change

Have you ever had circumstances in your life for any period of time that simply weren't what you wanted them to be? What do you do with them? As a rule I guess I just keep walking--sometimes stomping my feet a bit--and still hoping, praying for a change.

At this point in our lives, I thought Byron and I would be in a different place...not relationship-wise. That's good. But the daily stuff is surely different than I expected. I never thought I'd be parenting again at nearly 60 years old. But here I am--taking care of a younger family member. It gets tough sometimes. Don't get me wrong--I KNOW it could be a whole lot tougher. We don't have attitude problems or rebellion bursting at the seams. Truth is, we'd all like things to be different--even the younger family member. None of us thought life would have this setup at this point. But--here we are.

I want to find contentment in this season. I've prayed for peace and rest and I've also prayed for change. Maybe that's the problem. I've prayed all over the place. To be content--to have change! How stable is that? Sheesh! I guess if I don't receive the change I want then I would like to have contentment in this season. I'm sure glad the Lord looks on my heart and understands, because my mind is a little disheveled right now.

What do you do when the Lord directs your path and it's not one you want to be on? I've tried surrendering it all to Him. And sometimes I think I've really let the issue go--but then the discontentment comes back and I feel like I'm right back where I started!

I am so tired.

It may seem overly dramatic, but I identify with David in Psalm 69:1-2 "Save me, O God, for the floodwaters are up to my neck. Deeper and deeper I sink into the mire; I can't find a foothold. I am in deep water, and the floods overwhelm me."

Yet I have to read further, believe God's Word and hold to v. 16 that says, "Answer my prayers, O Lord, for your unfailing love is wonderful. Take care of me, for your mercy is so plentiful."

I do believe that God's unfailing love is wonderful and that His mercy is plentiful. Sometimes I still want what I want, when I want it. Not a very Godly attitude, I know, but Jesus knows all about it, and it doesn't scare Him. He'll help me get where He wants me. He promised. He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it. Phillipians 1:5

I've got to keep walking.

Thank you, Father, for patience with me. I pray for change for the good, but I also pray for contentment where I am now. I love you so.

Suz