a resolution of rest

I have laid aside my usual resolutions this year. You know, losing weight, getting fit, eating healthier foods, etc. etc., but I am already struggling with the one determination I have made--getting more sleep. Yep, I need to go to bed earlier and I just can't seem to make it before 12:30 a.m.

I don't know what there is about staying up late for me. I set my sights on 10 pm for a target time. You'd think that'd be late enough for anyone, but it isn't for me. I outlast Byron. He's conked out by 9:00 or at the latest 9:30 pm. Kayla stays up till 11pm. Then there's that last hour and a half when any sane person would crawl beneath the covers to wait for the dream fairy to tap her on the forehead and send her off to la-la land. It just doesn't happen that way for me.

If I make myself go to bed before I'm so sleepy I can't hold my eyes open, I lie there contemplating everything. Family, the pups, the next day, the next week, well, you get the idea. Many times I pray, taking advantage of the dark and quiet, but as often as not, my mind wanders and I get antsy. That's when I start to turn and twist like a chicken on a BBQ spit. Over and over I go. Shoving Treasure out of the way, getting all tangled up in the covers, wondering what in the world am I doing in bed so early! The urge to bolt from my bed is so strong, I can hardly contain myself, but I know what I'll do when I get up. I'll go sit on the couch, turn on the tv and veg out for a little while and maybe have a snack. I DON'T NEED A SNACK!

Then I get sleepy and head off to bed again. Sheesh. It's so aggravating. It seems as though this wouldn't be a problem if I could sleep in the next morning, and I do get to sleep a little later than usual because of the swap between middle school and high school starting times. I don't have to get up until about 7:30-7:45 a.m.

Trouble is, most mornings, Treasure has to get up to go out at about 6 a.m. and she's not about to hold it and let me sleep. She jumps at me, and pokes me with her nose telling me it's time to start our day. So, why take out one dog when 3 will eventually have to go potty. That's when the parade starts. First, I take Treasure off the bed, then I let Blue and Chico out of their crates to take the walk down the hall and through the kitchen to the garage where the pups head out into the dark yard to check their pee-mail.

After a few moments in the brisk morning air, we go back inside where all three dogs now snuggle down into their pillows and blankets in the family room and promptly go back to sleep for another hour. As for me, a few moments up and outside wakes me up...sorta...anyway, it's enough that I couldn't go back to sleep right then, but give me a couple of hours and I'm ready for a nap. If I can't take one, then I am drowsy and tired all day. It's a vicious cycle, I tell you, a vicious cycle!

So, I have one, solitary resolution because I'm just tired of being tired. When my body struggles to simply put one foot in front of the other, then I know my mind surely isn't working at full capacity either. Life has to be lived. There are decisions to be made, relationships to nurture, a household to maintain and projects that need to be completed well. If we have no rest, we don't function as well as we might. I am not yet succeeding completely with my goal but neither am I giving up. It's only one thing I'm trying to change. It can't be that hard. Can it? But, it is hard for me. I can't do it on my own and I don't want to drowse my way through this year.

Father, thank you for caring about every detail of our lives, even our rest. I need help to sleep and to awaken refreshed and renewed. I need your help, Lord. I love you. You are good.

Suz