ch-ch-ch-changes

I managed to completely skip blogging during the holiday season. It wasn't totally intentional, but I'm sure there was a bit of holiday avoidance there. (If I don't post it, it really isn 't happening-kind of thing.) The holidays are difficult for many people and for many years I was one of them.

My dad died on Christmas Eve day, around noon, in 1990. He was taken off life support after a couple of strokes left him completely incapacitated. It took about 2 hours for him to die after the machines were removed. That night we gathered at Mom's house and exchanged whatever gifts we had purchased and just spent time together. Family came in from out of town and we buried him on Dec 29th. It was a tough time and for many years afterward, Christmas held little fun for me. I made an effort for my granddaughters and family, but they knew how hard it was.

You all know my mother died this year and of the struggles involved with her over the last four years with her illness. Well, I really expected a double-whammy with emotional issues this holiday season and, it's true, there was some of it. But, it wasn't the downer I expected. Yes, I miss my mom terribly. Yes, I thought of things she'd like to have, to give, to bake. These things I will think of for a long time. But with her passing, after such a long season of taking care of her every need, and knowing she is now truly at rest, there is also a sense of free-breathing for me.

In the recent past, it was difficult to fit all the activities into healthcare for my mom. This year I was amazed at how light my heart felt over the last few weeks. I had fun baking, cooking and having family over. I thought if I noticed the difference too much, my lightheartedness would fade away, thus, no blog. Silly, huh?

I have been taking my hormones and supplements as ordered, and I have been praying for my heart's peace through the season. Although I'm not certain which was most influential, I know that without the Lord's hand in the mix, it would't have mattered how many capsules I swallowed or how many doctors I saw.

I hope you all had a great Christmas celebrating our Savior's birth and that this year, 2008, is a growing year in the Lord for us all. I want to know Him more.

I love you all.
Suzanne