hearing and listening

I am 64 years old.  I tell my age a lot because I have a hard time believing it's true.  Fifteen years ago I graduated high school and it's ten years ago now that I had my babies and was a young mother. Five years ago my daughters married and my granddaughters were born yesterday.

Oh, how I wish that were all true.  

I miss my babies, my little girls. 

I miss my grandbabies.  

I miss the young me.

She's in here though.  You just can't see her anymore because she's disguised as an older woman.  Her voice is rough.  Her body gives her troubles.  She's chubby and sometimes she's so very tired. She colors away the gray and doesn't see as well as she once did.  She doesn't always adjust to new things as easily as she'd like but she tries.      

She's in here.  

I'm in here!  

I'm interested in current events.  I want to be physically fit. I know a lot of stuff--some useful, some useless.  I have developed more patience with some things, some people, and have less patience with others.  I love live music, live theater, live literary readings, live demonstrations. I love life and sometimes life is hard.  

It's cliche, I know, but I'm understanding why aging brings on lots of conversation about health, doctors, medicines, and treatment.  I get it.  I'd like to ignore it but it's too "in my face," to ignore.  Not only do I have my own aches, pains and conditions, my husband also struggles with his issues.  If that weren't enough, many of my dear, longtime girlfriends have more serious health issues than I do.  I remember the times, and it was for many years, that the only doctor visits I'd have in a year were my yearly physicals.  That seems so long ago. 

Add to illness and conditions, that many of my peers have died.  Some suddenly, some after extended illness and others in accidents.  We are more fragile.  If I fell at twenty years old, I might have a bump, bruise or nothing at all.  If I fall now, I may deal with broken wrists, blood clots, or head injury.  It's a scary time for my friends and me.  We watch our steps and check for obstacles in our way.  One fall and we could be headed for surgery and months of recuperation.  So we learn to be more careful than we've ever been in our lives. All these issues are new to us.  We've never been this age before and it's tough. We are adjusting and not always well.

 We talk a lot about our health because it's important to us.  We realize that if our health goes, we could be in big trouble. What if we don't have or can't afford doctor visits and required medicines? What happens to us if we have serious health problems and have no one to take care of us?  

These are some of the things we think about, in addition to what happens if can't afford my home? Everyone needs shelter.  Many, dare I say most, of our concerns have to with finances and health.  If we talk about them a lot it's because they are what's on our hearts and minds.  

We want someone to care enough to listen to our concerns but to also listen to our opinions, our ideas, our dreams!  Yes, we have dreams and plans and hopes and so many memories.  We want to share who we are with our daughters, our sons, our granddaughters, our grandsons.  We want you to know us but also we want to share with you where we came from, and in turn, where YOU came from.  We want real conversation. We want to know about the deepest you and we want you to know the deepest us.  We have ideas, opinions and hard won wisdom that we want to share and we want to know who our heirs are and who we will one day leave behind.  

Don't just listen politely. Hear who we are and what we think.  We are not as stuck in a time warp as you may think.  We remember elementary school, high school and we remember the bad and the good.  We can tell you stories about the girl named Pam who wore a bikini under her coat on a freezing winters day and lots of others.  Some of us are still blessed to have treasured friends who went through these days with us.

Many of us can and will share our walk with the Lord with you and tell you stories of how He rescued, healed and walked with us during the dark times in our lives.  These stories will come to your mind when you are going through the dark places in your own lives and will bolster your faith and this same Lord will carry you through as He did us. We have experienced so much you haven't experienced yet and we will share--if you will hear us.  Sharing is one of the best things we do.