I never had much curiosity as a kid. At age 7 when my Grandpa Kidd told me he kept all his money in his wooden leg, I didn't question it and didn't ask him how he got his wooden leg. I wasn't curious how it happened, why it happened or even when it happened. It wasn't that it seemed so normal to me that I thought everyone else's grandpa had a wooden leg, I just knew mine did. That's just the way it was and I was ok with it.
I was 9 when my mom told us girls we were going to have another sister or a baby brother. There were no questions about how or why and not even a question about when he or she would arrive. It would come when it would come. I figured it "just happened," because Mama and Daddy were married, so when Mama packed her hospital suitcase and placed baby clothes in it, I did ask her why she was bringing them. She told me they were for the baby to wear home. I asked her why didn't she just bring it home in the clothes it was born in...Yes, I really asked her that question. I remember it well because my mother didn't usually laugh a lot but that question had her laughing out loud!
If something was too difficult for me to understand or simply didn't make sense to me, my brain glazed over and I didn't try to figure it out or even picture it in my mind. That phase lasted quite a while until I was a teen, then I started knowing everything! My understanding of life and how it worked came crystal clear! I was a genius and authority on just about everything! Some would call it by another name...obnoxious. I'm embarrassed to say that this knowledgeable time lasted quite a while. At least until I was about 30 years old and then I started realizing maybe I wasn't so smart after all. Maybe I didn't have all the answers. Maybe, just maybe, I still had a lot of growing up to do. Looking back, now I say that's when I really started to know something and that something was that I DID NOT know everything.
To my surprise, it was a wonderful discovery! Knowing everything, having the right opinion on each and every issue in the world is a lot of pressure and it will make you weary really fast! This epiphany wasn't an overnight deal, but slowly, I started asking more questions and listening more. I was pleasantly surprised to discover there are some really intelligent people out in the world and that I could learn something from them if I was of a mind to do it.
My husband got smarter and wiser. My mother was smarter and had great experiences to share. What a great thing! I kept getting less and less adamant about my opinions and life became less black and white. Shades of gray issues prompted me to consider and ponder issues from both sides of an argument. I didn't only listen more, I heard more. This phase continued on for many years until I started working on my college degree at 42 because I realized just how much I didn't know.
In my college classes I learned to think critically about things and I learned that it is ok to hear a differing opinion and consider what the other person is saying. It isn't a sin to open my ears to issues I may not necessarily agree with. I know where my faith lies and am determined to cling to the Lord but still allow myself to grow intellectually and academically.
Now that I am older I often jokingly say, "I used to know stuff and now I don't know anything," but I am secure in my faith and morals and beliefs and I will listen to others and try to see things from their standpoint. A former pastor once told us in service that, "I can learn something from everyone I meet," and it makes sense. I've only walked in my shoes. Your life has been different than mine. There is something I can definitely learn from you and I'd like to know what it is.
I still don't have much curiosity about things and the way they work if they don't interest me beforehand. In a spiritual vein, I'm not one of those people who always has to know why things happen like they do. Of course, there are times I'm perplexed about why life is like it is. Why do bad things happen to good people and vice versa? Why are some prayers are answered "Yes," and others "No," and why does life often seem so unfair, but I'm not stymied over not knowing.
I find great peace in knowing I don't have to know everything. That the Lord has everything under control and that He is well equipped to handle it all. Now that takes a load off my mind! He is faithful to us, His children. There is nothing too hard for Him. There is nothing too small to tell Him about. He cares about it all. When situations arise that I don't understand, I take comfort that it's more than I can handle and that it's in His hands.
The Lord says it so well himself, "I leave you peace; my peace I give you. I do not give it as the world does, So don't let your hearts be troubled or afraid." John 14:27
Thank you, Jesus for your comforting words. Our lives here are harsh and hurtful and we are often desperate for peace and reassurance of your love. I need to hear them and keep them close to my heart so I am reminded of your tender loving care for us and your powerful hand that takes such good care of us. I love you!
Suz
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