the entirely possible

What do you do when an opportunity comes along and you'd love to participate but it's a big thing? A really big thing. It's going to be longer than you've ever been gone before. It's going to cost a lot of money. It's going to be hard work and you're not so sure you're up to the physicality of it all. How do you jump in with both feet off that precipice of your personal "normal" and fly smack dab into extreme unfamiliarity and the mostly unknown?

My cousin says, "God doesn't call the enabled. He enables the called." I believe this. I do--and it's a comfort for sure. I just want to know we've been called to this particular task--to this experience. I get excited when I think of it--the adventure--the tremendous opportunity. Wouldn't it be wonderful? When I think about doing something this new and exciting for the Lord now, at my age, it's humbling for sure.

If you don't know what you're doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You'll get his help, and won't be condescended to when you ask for it. Ask boldly, believingly, without a second thought. People who "worry their prayers" are like wind-whipped waves. Don't think you're going to get anything from the Master that way, adrift at sea, keeping all your options open. James 1:5-8 Message

Whether it's a small thing or a big thing--in our eyes of humanity--isn't the process the same? We pray. We ask the Lord to open doors, close others and move in the direction of the prize always looking with great anticipation toward the entirely possible!

Lord, Thank you for your promise of freely offered wisdom. Guide us in the way you'd have us go and make that way clear for us. Without You, we can do nothing. I love you, Father.

Suz

my mother, my friend

Four years ago on June 17, 2007, my mother, Barbara Bryant, died of lung cancer. It was nearly a four year battle for her and she fought a good fight. She endured treatment that I'm not sure I ever could. Chemotherapy was hard and I think the radiation treatments were the worst for her, but she pressed on and did all she could do to be here as long as possible--for her grandkids. She knew as long as she was here, they had a home and stability. It wasn't about her and her relief and comfort. It was the sacrifice and giving that a loving mother provides for her family.

I spent a lot of time with her those nearly four years she was sick because there were doctors' appointments every day for a long time. We ate lunch out after most trips and loved doing it. It gave us some light moments and some good food. I learned much about what she enjoyed eating and about her, her life and what she thought about many things. I tried to make sure we had something good and made new memories each day. The days were long for us both and exhausting for her, but every morning, she got up, got ready and we left for our adventure du jour.

At one point it was necessary for Mom to have a feeding tube for a few months because of the radiation treatments. Lunch wasn't an option during that time but she still loved to think about and talk about good food--a lot. One day as we were heading home, she spotted Jason's deli in Altamonte Springs. She told me she'd wanted to go in there for a long time and as soon as she was able, we'd have to go there for lunch. I told her that's exactly what we'd do...and soon! But then I thought, why not just go see what it was like in there? So I made my way to the parking lot and we went inside.

We took a seat on the bench on the take out side and just sat there for a while checking out the menu, smelling the delicious aromas and watching the people. Even though she couldn't eat, she encouraged me to get something to go, or to even eat there. I declined and told her that we'd both come back first chance we got and get something really delicious and take our time to enjoy our meal together. After about 20 minutes or so, we left and went home.

After a few months when she no longer had the tube and her esophagus was healed, I made good on my promise to Mama and we headed straight to Jason's after an appointment. She ordered a hot pastrami sandwich and potato salad and I had a quarter ham muffalatta. Our lunch was delicious and we both totally enjoyed it. I was so glad we'd finally gotten to try out our great deli place, and so was she!

I'm naturally shy (oh, yes I am!) and not usually the one who openly stops to "smell the roses," even though I believe it's important, but I'll never forget our 20 minutes or so on the bench that first time. We sat next to one another quietly chatting, absorbing the whole atmosphere, anticipating our next time when we would enjoy our meal together. It is one of my most precious memories with my mother.

I broke the ice that day on living in the moment and Mom and I had many more times of enjoying what was going on "right now," but it's also something I have continued to this day. It's too easy to always look to what's next on our list of things to do. There will always be the next thing and the next. We can get so caught up in what's coming up that we lose sight of what's right here, right now.

I miss my mother very much and at times, when something good--or bad--is happening, for just a split second, I think, "I'm going to call Ma...," but before I even complete the thought, I realize it's not going to happen and it makes me sad. I feel the loss all over again. Even though I don't have her here with me now, I do have an especially personal insight about life and living it fully.

My mother wasn't perfect, nor am I, but she was the perfect mother for me, and I thank the Lord dearly for her and her influence on my life. I miss you, Mom. You were a good mother and my dear friend. I love you.

Suz

Summer time

Summer and I went to the movies last Friday for the opening day for Judy Moody and the NOT Bummer Summer. Summer has read many, if not all, of the Judy Moody books so she was looking forward to seeing this particular movie a lot.

We got there a little early, which was good, so our first stop was at the snack counter. She chose the kid's pack of candy, sm popcorn, and soda. All the right parts for a fun treat! There were plenty of seats so we got a couple of the best ones for our movie. I think I like those sour gummy watermelon candy things!

The movie was creative and funny, sort of. Because I do not know Judy Moody, I was surprised she was as whiny and ill tempered as she is. I was expecting excitable, fun, creative and very high energy--not grumpy and disrespectful. As long as things go exactly her way, she's very fun but look out if disappointment comes her way. Despite my slight dislike for Judy's character, there were enough cute, fun things that made our afternoon enjoyable.

After the movie we made our picture in a photo booth and we got a little silly but with my granddaughter, silly is great! We went to lunch--yes, even after our movie snacks--at Olive Garden. We didn't hurry and we talked a lot. Summer is growing up so fast. Seems like only yesterday she was a cute, chubby little baby and now she's a smart, lovely, soon to be fifth grade young girl who uses words like "ironic" correctly! I love it!

Nothing miraculous happened. No crisis. No double rainbows with lots and lots of glitter. Just a wonderful afternoon with my favorite blonde granddaughter, Summer. Time together. We've been gone a lot lately and I've missed it. I want more. I've watched a lot of people recently on tv talk about how they want to "get their lives together" so they can spend more time with their family. I got to do it last week with my little grandgirl. I can't wait to spend time with Hannah, too, and to see the rest of my group (Sid gets to come, too!) on Father's Day. It was a satisfying way to spend a summer afternoon.

Thank you, Lord for such a sweet blessing!

Suz

being in control

I've seen a few people lately whose lives are completely and totally out of control. They just can't hold it in the road. They cannot change the paths they are on because they follow any new wind of desire looking for the next thrill. They are then off on a destructive journey which inevitably leads them back to revisit those all too familiar detrimental places that always made them feel comfortable before.

They go from bad to worse with dire consequences from which there seems to be no escape. After a while they feel compelled to follow these ever worsening winds of change. Lying, stealing, drugs, even intense anger help them momentarily forget the pig pen of disaster they live in. They've lost hope and any inkling of how to remove themselves from their pit of despair. They are at the mercy of whatever sounds good at the time. It's a heartbreaking place to barely exist.

There have also been times in my own life when control was the last thing I had a good grip on. Questions arose for which I had no answers. Things happened I couldn't change. Family and friends got sick and I couldn't make them well. It was different in some ways, but I, too, did not have control of what was happening. I wasn't calling the shots. I couldn't make anything go the way I wanted it to go. I wanted to make it all better. I wanted to do something to help--to fix it--to change it, but it wasn't going to happen, and despite all my good wishes and hopes for the future, I felt totally useless.

The answer to both these scenarios is simple, really. Each situation requires the same action for remedy: relinquishment of the reins of our lives to God. Whether we're talking about being bound by sin and addiction or by our own powerlessness to effect change, we need God to do the work! We must make ourselves vulnerable, pliable in His hand. He is the potter. We are the clay. Without Him, we can do nothing.

"My grace is enough; it's all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness. Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become."

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

I pray for those I know who are slaves to their own desires and addictions and I am still working on relinquishing my so-called control to the Lord's hand. I am finding rest in letting the Lord take the lead. It is a job that is way too big for me and I'm learning to love the freedom that comes with letting go!

Father, Thank you for taking me up and being my strength. Help me to trust you more fully every day. Help those I love who are totally out of control in their own ways. Only you can save us and make us whole. I love you utterly.

Suz

sweet home, Alabama

We're back from a few weeks in Ashland. The trip didn't exactly go as we thought it might. We knew going in that water lines were a priority but we had still hoped for a little down time and a little opportunity to work on the apartment. It didn't quite happen that way. Byron and Odis spent the entire time working diligently on the water lines and getting the well hooked up for the farm. It was hot, exhausting work but despite the delays and glitches, they finished the job! There is now plenty of water available all over the place!

I had quite a bit of quiet time on this trip and even though I mostly enjoyed it, some days got a bit long. I had the pups with me but there's only so much you can say to a Chihuahua before you begin to repeat yourself--a lot. I went to Talladega a couple of times to go to Walmart and Walgreens. I ventured a little farther and went to Oxford to check out Target and Ross. The Ashland Piggly Wiggly and I became the best of friends. I attempted to bake a couple of loaves of bread from scratch and baked a fresh blackberry cobbler so I needed different ingredients often. So, go ahead! Ask me where the yeast packets and the Tide detergent are. I can take you right to them. Darn that orange clay!

One Saturday I went to an estate auction with a friend and learned a few things, like how some older Alabama ladies pronounce Talladega, "Talladegger," and that just because two elderly women are sisters doesn't mean Mary knows why Thelma is auctioning off her house and all her beloved belongings (Thelma has a real talent for decorating, you know)--even though she has been very sick lately.

At the auction in the mix of old items out in the garage, I discovered a small, brown metal bank shaped like a treasure chest. It was dirty and beat up but it had a skull and crossbones painted on one side of the top and and pirate head painted on the other, right above where the lock would have been had it not been broken. When I saw it I remembered my own pirate treasure chest bank just like it. Even though I never had more than a few pennies and some tiny treasures in it, I loved that bank. I don't know what ever happened to it, but, seeing this one, I suddenly felt deeply homesick for my childhood which in those few moments seemed a million billion years away.

Byron and I took one day and went out to Kylmuga Grist Mill and Covered Bridge which crosses the Talladega Creek. It's a working grist mill and the bridge was built in 1861. After crossing the bridge we walked through nature trails and identified bunches of trees and plants. It was a great refreshing time. A simple afternoon steeped in history and time together.

On the afternoons I spent at the house I often walked around outside just seeing what I could see. Even though I have put out my scraps from dinners and lunches, creature sightings are scarce but I do hear many birds. I've heard hawks screaming overhead and gobblers gobbling from quite some distance away. I wish I knew birdsong better because there are some unique ones really close by that sing very loudly. If I whistle through my teeth I can sometimes get them to answer me, or warn me to stay away! I'm not sure which. Once in a while I see wings' shadows on the grass and I know when I look up, I'll see a buzzard circling somewhere over my head. I watch squirrels stealing the stale bread I throw out for them, but they are really fast and don't hang around long like the ones in my yard in Florida.

I walk around the yard and my eyes scan the woods behind the house and the path in front of me. At first it doesn't seem like there's anything of consequence to find but I keep walking anyway. Right there on the orange clay bank in back of the garage is a pretty group of yellow wildflowers out in the hot Alabama sun smiling at me as though they are just waiting for a vase of cool water on my kitchen table! As I walk toward the upward path and the wild blueberry bush to check on the berries' ripening, I look down and see a million sparkles in the deep orange. Clay County, Alabama is mineral rich and even had a gold rush in the 1800s. Pyrite, fool's gold, is abundant and shimmery golden flakes glitter everywhere as I walk. It's like walking on a million tiny stars.

I see several piles of bunny poo in the parking area of our yard, some old, some new. Little Bunny Foo Foo comes every night and leaves his small markers. "Bunny was here." I don't mind because his sign let's me know that just because I don't see something happening doesn't mean nothing is happening.

My flowers are in a pretty glass of water on the table. My pups have pottied for the hundredth time today. Supper's done and Byron's watching a little television before bed. I fix a glass of iced tea and head outside with the phone to call my daughter or my aunt. It's dusk and as I connect with those I love back at home, I watch the bats come out to eat mosquitoes. They have a job to do and I get to watch them do it. At first there's only one but she's soon joined by a group of 3 more. They swoop and dive and eat to their heart's content. I've read that each bat eats about 10,000 bugs in a night. Go, bats, go!

Nope, it wasn't exactly the trip I'd pictured but it was good. How boring would life be if all we got was what we imagined? I want to leave the creativity of my days up to the Creator and let Him help me see His hand, His beauty, in even the small things.

Father, I appreciate your beauty and your creativity. Show them to me, please.

Suz