changes

I thought several times this week about calling my mom and talking to her again...but before the thought is even complete, I let it go. My Mom died 3 years, 5 months and 10 days ago, on June 17, 2007. In the days before she found out she had cancer, we'd talk a lot around the holidays, mostly about cooking and recipes. We could discuss a good dinner and dessert!

Since Byron's unplanned early retirement, we are spending more time in Alabama and this year we celebrated a good Thanksgiving there with our eldest daughter, Amy, Lane and Sid and our good friends, while Holly and her family feasted with other family members in FL. It was different and even though we had a great time, I missed our usual get together with both our daughters and families.

My body is getting cranky. Walk across one field too many in the cold morning or wear the wrong shoes and it lets me know I've committed a great error that I will regret at 2 a.m. Eat right before bedtime and acid reflux will raise its ugly head. Plan too many things to do right in a row and my ability to multi-task becomes non-existent--either my brain can't--or won't--wrap itself around the list--and in which order to do them--or I just slow down to a crawl and don't come near to finishing them all.

My dog, Treasure, is having a problem with her hip. She's limping after laying in one position for a long time. There's nothing wrong with her foot. I checked. She's eleven years old, 69 in dog years, and I think she's just struggling to move around when she used to be so spry and lively as a pup--about 6 months ago. Right!

All these changes. Crazy, huh? I have a fifteen year old granddaughter! I have a ten year old granddaughter! I have an eight year old grandson! What happened? I didn't plan all this. They are growing up way too fast. Next time I blink they will be married with children of their own--if the Lord wills.

I've never been one who embraced change easily. Too many years ago, when I was a teen myself, I got upset when Pepsi Co put eight 16 oz bottles in a carton instead of the six they'd always had until then. Silly, I know, but I liked it the way it WAS and sometimes I still have trouble with changes. Oh, not so much the soda pop ones any more, but the big, life altering ones shake me up--like grandkids who are no longer my babies, painful legs in the middle of the night, limping dogs, unplanned retirement and the death of loved ones. These changes--these shifts in MY plans--have caused many fearful moments and not a few tears.

...Praise your God! He made your city secure, he blessed your children among you. He keeps the peace at your borders, he puts the best bread on your tables. He launches his promises earthward—how swift and sure they come! He spreads snow like a white fleece, he scatters frost like ashes, He broadcasts hail like birdseed—who can survive his winter? Then he gives the command and it all melts; he breathes on winter—suddenly it's spring! Psalm 147:12-18

I've been in the place where it seemed to be the middle of winter in the heat of July--when circumstances seemed bleak and disheartening and that the sun would never shine again. Sometimes I STILL feel this way. I was feeling especially overwhelmed by life changes when I found this section of verses, when I discovered that despite the depths of winter that HE allows, at His own command, it all melts and SUDDENLY IT'S SPRING! Winter may be here now, but summer is on its way. I may always struggle with change but with the Lord's breath on winter, it's going to be all right. The seasons will change. THIS season will change. What a relief!

Father, I'm so glad I'm not in charge. Even though I don't always understand your direction and choices for us, I know they are the best ones. There is one season I'm in right now that I wish would pass. Sometimes it's especially tough for me--like right now. I pray you will breathe on this winter and let it be spring. I love you so much and am trusting you for the answer to my prayer.

Suz

screaming ankles and cries for help

I had a very busy day today. I spent much of it in my best athletic shoes, running up and down the porch steps and back and forth through an unfamiliar super Walmart. By bedtime my ankles were screaming!

I took something to relieve the pain and went to bed. After dozing and waking and turning over and over again--kinda like a rotisserie chicken--I finally told Byron I was getting up for a while--but before my feet actually hit the floor, in a split second prayer--I asked the Lord why I had to get up. He said I needed to answer a friend's request for prayer. I had intended to send her a letter in the morning, but the Lord showed me that I needed to encourage her NOW.

So, that's what I did. I got up and wrote to her but since it was so late, she may not get it until morning, but I feel like I did what the Lord told me to do. It makes me wonder how many other sleepless nights the Lord tried to show me something and I didn't hear it or see it. Now I wonder if I had even asked Him why I was awake.

What strikes me most about this event tonight is the Lord's compassion for his children. Yes, my ankles hurt badly--but He knows how much my friend needed to hear from her friend. Her cries for help touched the heart of God himself. Her pain moved the Lord to allow me a bit of misery so she could receive support from her friend.

I am so glad the Lord will get one of His children out of the bed to help another one. I'm sure there have been times He's done it for me. I pray that next time I can't sleep--for whatever reason--I will ask Him, "Why?" If I were a betting woman, I'd bet He'd tell me!

Father, thank you for having compassion on my good friend. Thank you for answering our prayers for her. Thank you for your total and merciful love. I love you with all my heart.

Suz

roses at midnight

I was sitting out on my front porch tonight waiting for Treasure to potty one more time before bed when I noticed how beautifully my roses were blooming. They are pop-out roses...I think that's the name...and they bloom like crazy! Cut them back and it's only a few days before there are oodles of blooms again! They outdid themselves tonight!

Bloom after bloom, wide open--smelling great--smiling--just waiting for someone to notice them! They are amazing, and all this at night! In the dark with no one to smell them, to gaze on their beauty, to appreciate them--and yet they bloom on! I see them and smell them, but even I go back inside because it's late.

Why all this beauty with no audience? Why is there no one to applaud and appreciate them?

Then I realized that my roses have the best audience ever. Their fragile flower lives are not insignificant. The same Lord who designed them, painted their pretty pink petals, and gave them their sweet scent appreciates them fully because nothing the Lord does is insignificant.

In the same way, our lives are designed by God. He made me just like I am--with all my quirks...and qualities. Just as He selected the exact shade of pink for each petal of my roses and their specific scent, He chose which genes came together from my gene pool to make me exactly me--from my Bryant bone structure and body shape, to my mother's nose, or to my brain function (whether quick or slow). Each one was selected especially by God to create me. Whether I specifically like each one or not, they are part of who I am.

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you..."Jeremiah 1:5

Even though others may not always appreciate my characteristics...even though I may not always appreciate my uniqueness...He does. I am not a mistake and neither are you! He sees me--He sees us as we are through eyes of grace and mercy. His grace and mercy!

We are His roses, so whether I feel invisible or in the spotlight, insignificant and vulnerable or valued and worthwhile, whether I feel insufficient or content--even when no one else sees--I know that He sees me and appreciates me for who I am. I am His rose at midnight.

Father, None of us are insignificant to you. Thank you for your hand in our design and for your eyes on us, your roses. We are important to you and we bask in your light even in the darkness of midnight. I love you!

Suz