Karla's funeral day was a good one. For one thing, the weather was perfect. Sunshiny, breezy, and warm. There were dear friends who came to support our family with food, fellowship and love on what is a difficult time for anyone. In spite of some underlying family issues, our family banded together to 'be there' for each other. It was a tiring day, but it really was good. I feel like the Holy Spirit comforted each of us as only He can do.
A little story: After many had already gone home, Byron started up the motorcycle. Aunt Wanda who had been dozing on the couch said (she's nearly 80 yrs old), "Is that the motorcycle?" When told yes, it was the bike, she said, "I gotta get some pants on. I wanna ride. Suzy, get me some pants!" So I found her a pair of pants and some tennis shoes and she was helped onto the bike. (Remember, 80 yrs old) Byron said while they were riding, he was taking it kind of easy with her going about 25 mph and she asked him, "Can this thing go any faster?" He said, "Sure it will." And he took her up to about 55 mph. She came back glowing! I don't believe I've seen her this excited and happy in a long time. Smiling a great big smile with a sparkle in her eye she said afterward, "Boy, am I glad I got to do this! I thought I'd get too bad off to ever ride on it again."
What a woman! I love her so much.
I am so very grateful for what all our friends and family have done for us since Karla's death. The prayer and the good care that we were given is hearwarming.
God is too, too good to me. He gives me such great gifts!
With much love,
Suz
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Friday, May 23, 2008
my sister, Karla
My younger sister Karla died at home Wednesday afternoon and I'm still processing it all, so please bear with me.
You all know that my mom and my dear cousin died last year, but I'm noticing that the grief of losing a sibling seems different than the grief of losing an extended family member or of even a parent. There's still the shock of realization that despite the fact that I've never known a time in my life when she wasn't there, she won't be here with me any more. There's the sadness for myself that another person in my family has left me and, along with it, there's a sense of aloneness.
There's also, and this is what's different for me, what feels like a tearing away of something in my gut. Like a part of a set that's been pulled away. I'm not trying to be funny because I don't think I could feel any less humorous than I do right now, but I get a picture of something like dinner rolls that are baked with sides touching. Just before they are put into the basket, they are pulled apart and there are still fibers of the bread clinging from one to another. I feel those fibers. It pulls and it tears and I feel a tremendous sense of loss.
I feel loss for what we had as sisters and what we will now never have. Karla and I weren't soulmate siblings. In fact, our relationship was quite the opposite. We were rivals for as long as I remember. We literally fought as teens and argued as adults, but we also loved one another fiercely.
I have a couple of really nice, current memories that I am holding closely to my heart right now. I would have been a closer friend to her if she would have let me and this is what I think I miss the most. I miss the possibilities.
There's nothing that will change this now. The Lord has called her home and I will 'lean not to my own understanding' but will trust that only He knows what is best for all of us, whether it's joyous or painful.
Thanks for listening.
Above all, God is good.
Suz
You all know that my mom and my dear cousin died last year, but I'm noticing that the grief of losing a sibling seems different than the grief of losing an extended family member or of even a parent. There's still the shock of realization that despite the fact that I've never known a time in my life when she wasn't there, she won't be here with me any more. There's the sadness for myself that another person in my family has left me and, along with it, there's a sense of aloneness.
There's also, and this is what's different for me, what feels like a tearing away of something in my gut. Like a part of a set that's been pulled away. I'm not trying to be funny because I don't think I could feel any less humorous than I do right now, but I get a picture of something like dinner rolls that are baked with sides touching. Just before they are put into the basket, they are pulled apart and there are still fibers of the bread clinging from one to another. I feel those fibers. It pulls and it tears and I feel a tremendous sense of loss.
I feel loss for what we had as sisters and what we will now never have. Karla and I weren't soulmate siblings. In fact, our relationship was quite the opposite. We were rivals for as long as I remember. We literally fought as teens and argued as adults, but we also loved one another fiercely.
I have a couple of really nice, current memories that I am holding closely to my heart right now. I would have been a closer friend to her if she would have let me and this is what I think I miss the most. I miss the possibilities.
There's nothing that will change this now. The Lord has called her home and I will 'lean not to my own understanding' but will trust that only He knows what is best for all of us, whether it's joyous or painful.
Thanks for listening.
Above all, God is good.
Suz
Friday, May 16, 2008
Solomon's temple
Yesterday I read about the temple that Solomon built for the Lord. I let my mind soar thinking about its grandeur and opulence as I read its description in 2Chronicles 3. I read of the 23 tons of gold used to overlay the rooms of cypress. Each gold nail weighed 20 ounces and the walls of the upper rooms were also overlaid with gold. At the entrance of the Most Holy Place was a fine linen curtain decorated with blue, purple and scarlet threads and was embroidered with figures of cherubim. There were two carved cherubim overlaid with gold placed standing side by side in the Most Holy Place that had a total wingspan of 30 '. I read of the 30' bronze altar, the great bronze basin called The Sea that was 7 1/2 ' deep and 45' in circumference placed on a base of 12 bronze oxen and yet these are only some of the lengths to which Solomon went to build a temple befitting God Almighty.
King David had wanted to build the temple but his son Solomon was the one chosen, so with all his God-given wisdom, he did everything in his power to honor God with his efforts. It was public, grand scale, no holds barred adoration and honor he was giving to the Lord. The Lord blessed his works and the temple was completed, a true wonder of the world.
Solomon's prayer of dedication begins by acknowledging God's omnipotence and His faithfulness to those who walk before Him in wholehearted devotion. He calls on the Lord to keep His eyes and ears attentive to all the prayers made to Him in the temple and invites the Lord to enter the temple and dwell there. Offerings are given and sacrifices are made.
Fire flashes from heaven burning up the offerings and sacrifices, and the Lord comes. The priests couldn't even enter the Temple because the presence of the Lord filled it.
"When all the people of Israel saw the fire coming down and the glorious presence of the Lord filling the Temple, they fell down on the ground and worshipped and praised the Lord saying, "He is good! His faithful love endures forever." 2Chron 7:3
The Lord responds to Solomon's prayer of dedication, accepting the temple as a holy place for sacrifice to Himself. In His accepting response, the Lord speaks some familiar, loving and comforting words to His people, to us. He tells us that when we have troubles, when we have heartbreak, when we are plagued by physical and emotional famine, He is there. When we are on the bottom of the bottom, when we have parched, thirsty souls, when there is no way left but up, He says,
"Then if my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sins and restore their land." 2Chron 7:14
We are safe. We are well-cared-for children of the Lord. His eyes are open, His ear attends to our cries. He will restore us. He is good! His faithful love endures forever.
Suz
King David had wanted to build the temple but his son Solomon was the one chosen, so with all his God-given wisdom, he did everything in his power to honor God with his efforts. It was public, grand scale, no holds barred adoration and honor he was giving to the Lord. The Lord blessed his works and the temple was completed, a true wonder of the world.
Solomon's prayer of dedication begins by acknowledging God's omnipotence and His faithfulness to those who walk before Him in wholehearted devotion. He calls on the Lord to keep His eyes and ears attentive to all the prayers made to Him in the temple and invites the Lord to enter the temple and dwell there. Offerings are given and sacrifices are made.
Fire flashes from heaven burning up the offerings and sacrifices, and the Lord comes. The priests couldn't even enter the Temple because the presence of the Lord filled it.
"When all the people of Israel saw the fire coming down and the glorious presence of the Lord filling the Temple, they fell down on the ground and worshipped and praised the Lord saying, "He is good! His faithful love endures forever." 2Chron 7:3
The Lord responds to Solomon's prayer of dedication, accepting the temple as a holy place for sacrifice to Himself. In His accepting response, the Lord speaks some familiar, loving and comforting words to His people, to us. He tells us that when we have troubles, when we have heartbreak, when we are plagued by physical and emotional famine, He is there. When we are on the bottom of the bottom, when we have parched, thirsty souls, when there is no way left but up, He says,
"Then if my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sins and restore their land." 2Chron 7:14
We are safe. We are well-cared-for children of the Lord. His eyes are open, His ear attends to our cries. He will restore us. He is good! His faithful love endures forever.
Suz
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