I love fires! We have a fireplace in our house that we use as often as we can. When we first built the house many years ago, we'd build a huge fire in the fireplace and drag our mattress into the family room. The whole family would sleep in there so we could enjoy it's warmth all night.
We also have a burn pit in our backyard where we put all our old tree limbs, boxes, scrap wood, etc to burn. Then, when it's full, on an overcast or drizzily day, Byron will light it and it burns high and bright. But that's not my favorite part of the fire. When it's burning so fiercely, the ashes fly, the smoke follows the wind and burns my eyes and throat, and I'm always on the move trying to avoid the excessive heat and debris.
My favorite part of a burn is when the light stuff, the leaves, twigs, small branches, boxes and papers are gone and all that's left are the logs from a tree or large boards and they are burning steady and hot. That's when I can pull up a chair, have a soda or coffee, and sit peacefully watching the embers pulse and glow and feel the constant warmth of the burn. It's a good place to sit alone, or with my husband, kids, or friends and think or talk about the important stuff of life. Conversation is usually quieter, deeper, than the usual day to day surface talk. Regrets are sometimes mentioned and new dreams are made and voiced. Poke the fire with a stick and it will flame up momentarily then settle back down into what it does best--burn hotly, intensely.
We have a fire in us. The fire of the Holy Spirit, that, as Jeremiah said, "is shut up in our bones," and as young Christians, we burn brightly with many flames, and often some ash and smoke. When I was younger I think I may have had more smoke and ashes than most. But now, as I'm coming to know the Lord more as my friend, as I'm learning to move close...and closer, to Him, I feel more like that fire of red hot embers. There isn't as much ash and debris, not as much smoke, there aren't as many flareups and the fire of the Lord burns deeply and steadily.
Proverbs 25:4 Take the impurities out of silver and the artist can produce a thing of beauty.
The Lord calls to us to know Him in this intense way. He will refine us with His fire. All the impurities, all the junk, will be removed and we will be fit for His perfect purpose.
Lord, burn out all that is useless and impure in my life. I want to be a vessel fit for your perfect purpose.
Above all, God is good.
Suz
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
giving thanks to the Lord
I've been encouraged to share this testimony by someone I highly respect. Here's the story.
Mom had a small life insurance policy when she died that was divided among her children. When we went to Cabo to the Vision Casting for missions last November, the Lord impressed me to pledge my portion plus some income from her estate to Janice and Gary Dickinson's ministry in the Congo. When we returned from our trip, I sent the money to Builder's International and I hadn't heard anything since then until yesterday when I received an email from the missionary, Gary Dickinson.
He wrote this: "In light of this gift, we have begun work on the second floor of the dormitory. It took a couple of days to get all the cement, sand and rebar necessary to begin building, but today at last, the first blocks were laid for the dormitory rooms that will house pastors in training as well as church retreats and General Councils."
My heart overflows with thanks to the Lord for using my mother's money in this way. There is nothing I could have done with these funds on a personal level that would have ever come close to bringing me this indescribable joy that's in my heart right now. The Lord is better to me than anyone. He must be to let me participate in His work like this. To know that my mother has a part in this is amazing. Never in my life would I have imagined such a thing. I'm telling you this because I want to testify of the beauty of the Lord and His bountiful blessings when we obey Him but also when we give to His work. My cup runs over and over.
God is good. All the time.
Suz
Mom had a small life insurance policy when she died that was divided among her children. When we went to Cabo to the Vision Casting for missions last November, the Lord impressed me to pledge my portion plus some income from her estate to Janice and Gary Dickinson's ministry in the Congo. When we returned from our trip, I sent the money to Builder's International and I hadn't heard anything since then until yesterday when I received an email from the missionary, Gary Dickinson.
He wrote this: "In light of this gift, we have begun work on the second floor of the dormitory. It took a couple of days to get all the cement, sand and rebar necessary to begin building, but today at last, the first blocks were laid for the dormitory rooms that will house pastors in training as well as church retreats and General Councils."
My heart overflows with thanks to the Lord for using my mother's money in this way. There is nothing I could have done with these funds on a personal level that would have ever come close to bringing me this indescribable joy that's in my heart right now. The Lord is better to me than anyone. He must be to let me participate in His work like this. To know that my mother has a part in this is amazing. Never in my life would I have imagined such a thing. I'm telling you this because I want to testify of the beauty of the Lord and His bountiful blessings when we obey Him but also when we give to His work. My cup runs over and over.
God is good. All the time.
Suz
Monday, April 14, 2008
to fill or not to fill
Ever been ticked off? Aggravated by a pokey or inconsiderate driver? What about that clerk that just doesn't treat you as you feel you ought to be treated? Anybody ever get on your last nerve? It's happened to me.
I read a devotion by Max Lucado the other day and he wrote of letting drops of anger fill up your bucket until it spills over into one big messy blowup. I thought about it and it seems to be true. Each time I get aggravated by something small it's like a drop plopping into a larger container. Some days my bucket doesn't fill up so fast, but sometimes, whew! Look out, I've got a gusher and there's going to be payday coming. It's not pretty and it's not Christ-like.
The Lord chastens me afterward and of course I feel sorry about it, but it doesn't change how bad I've made someone else feel. Apologies are good, but they are not magic words that erase the hurt I've inflicted on a fellow human being. If I pull a nail out of a board, the nail's gone, but the hole still remains. So remains the sting of irritated words.
Lately, I've been thinking about these little things, these aggravations, as drops that I can either act on and add to the bucket or let it go and keep that anger bucket empty. It's been working. It doesn't mean I'm always calm and unruffled, but what it has shown me is that if I take a second--a split second--and decide whether or not it's a bucketable offense, I usually find that letting it go is the wiser decision. Letting it go has kept my bucket nearly empty for a while now. So, no blowups. No nail holes. No hurts to regret. I'm looking for the day when these little things don't even pose the question of whether or not to add it to my bucket.
I Cor 13:5 It (love) is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs...
These lovely words describing true godly love convict my heart and show me more clearly where I need to move up. I won't be able to do it by completely by my own strength, but I do make choices to do good or not to do good, and the Lord is so patient and kind with me it makes me want to be more like Him than I ever have.
Lord, I want to be more like you than ever before. Fill me with your peace, your calm, your love.
Suz
I read a devotion by Max Lucado the other day and he wrote of letting drops of anger fill up your bucket until it spills over into one big messy blowup. I thought about it and it seems to be true. Each time I get aggravated by something small it's like a drop plopping into a larger container. Some days my bucket doesn't fill up so fast, but sometimes, whew! Look out, I've got a gusher and there's going to be payday coming. It's not pretty and it's not Christ-like.
The Lord chastens me afterward and of course I feel sorry about it, but it doesn't change how bad I've made someone else feel. Apologies are good, but they are not magic words that erase the hurt I've inflicted on a fellow human being. If I pull a nail out of a board, the nail's gone, but the hole still remains. So remains the sting of irritated words.
Lately, I've been thinking about these little things, these aggravations, as drops that I can either act on and add to the bucket or let it go and keep that anger bucket empty. It's been working. It doesn't mean I'm always calm and unruffled, but what it has shown me is that if I take a second--a split second--and decide whether or not it's a bucketable offense, I usually find that letting it go is the wiser decision. Letting it go has kept my bucket nearly empty for a while now. So, no blowups. No nail holes. No hurts to regret. I'm looking for the day when these little things don't even pose the question of whether or not to add it to my bucket.
I Cor 13:5 It (love) is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs...
These lovely words describing true godly love convict my heart and show me more clearly where I need to move up. I won't be able to do it by completely by my own strength, but I do make choices to do good or not to do good, and the Lord is so patient and kind with me it makes me want to be more like Him than I ever have.
Lord, I want to be more like you than ever before. Fill me with your peace, your calm, your love.
Suz
Thursday, April 10, 2008
our encourager
When I was younger, I played on a women's softball team for one season. One season. It wasn't a huge dream of mine. I did it to be with a group of female friends who urged me to join them, but mostly I did it to see if I could do it at all. I wasn't any good. We had great comraderie and I even made it to first base once or twice. By the end of the season I was connecting with the ball well and there was even potential to do better. But, I was done. I'd proven to myself I could do it and was ready to move on to other things. No amount of encouragement or urging enticed me to continue.
Another time, I went to a Women's Wilderness Weekend with a friend of mine. We slept in bunks, had campfires, ate in a mess hall, wore hiking boots and camo caps, took survival classes, shot guns and wandered around the woods with other women, learning woodsy stuff. We also took the Hunter's Safety Course together and learned lots about weapons, etc. An interest of mine? At the time, yes, but mostly I did it to prove I could and because Donna encouraged me to participate.
I've done lots of things with the encouragement of others and to prove I could; painted ceramics, folk art painted, bank tellered, sewn, worked at a law office, earned my certificate at Vo-Tech for data processing, and finally, my best thing, earning my bachelor's degree by age 50. So, I have a few successes under my belt, but I never achieved them without encouragement, either from friends, family or my husband.
Now, I'm starting a quest to do something I've never had a lot of success with in the past and I need an encourager, and because I've never yet mastered this thing, it seems to me the usual suspects just aren't what I need right now. I need a super encourager. I feel afflicted by this thing I want to do and, I'll tell you, I don't want to fail as I have in the past. So...where do I go, but to the Lord.
I'm on my adventure and I'm not so different from everyone else. I'll bet you have something that you've struggled with like learning a new language, perfecting your photography skills, writing better, public speaking, making your yard beautiful, learning how to swim. What's your 'thing?' Go ahead, name it in your own mind. The thing that has conquered you so far. That thing that nags the back of your mind--"Oh, man, I'd love to do THAT!" Ask our Father to help you master it. I am.
Psalm 10:17 You hear, O Lord, the desire of the afflicted; you encourage them, and you listen to their cry...
Lord, you know the desires of my heart. I trust you to be my encourager and my helper.
Suz
Another time, I went to a Women's Wilderness Weekend with a friend of mine. We slept in bunks, had campfires, ate in a mess hall, wore hiking boots and camo caps, took survival classes, shot guns and wandered around the woods with other women, learning woodsy stuff. We also took the Hunter's Safety Course together and learned lots about weapons, etc. An interest of mine? At the time, yes, but mostly I did it to prove I could and because Donna encouraged me to participate.
I've done lots of things with the encouragement of others and to prove I could; painted ceramics, folk art painted, bank tellered, sewn, worked at a law office, earned my certificate at Vo-Tech for data processing, and finally, my best thing, earning my bachelor's degree by age 50. So, I have a few successes under my belt, but I never achieved them without encouragement, either from friends, family or my husband.
Now, I'm starting a quest to do something I've never had a lot of success with in the past and I need an encourager, and because I've never yet mastered this thing, it seems to me the usual suspects just aren't what I need right now. I need a super encourager. I feel afflicted by this thing I want to do and, I'll tell you, I don't want to fail as I have in the past. So...where do I go, but to the Lord.
I'm on my adventure and I'm not so different from everyone else. I'll bet you have something that you've struggled with like learning a new language, perfecting your photography skills, writing better, public speaking, making your yard beautiful, learning how to swim. What's your 'thing?' Go ahead, name it in your own mind. The thing that has conquered you so far. That thing that nags the back of your mind--"Oh, man, I'd love to do THAT!" Ask our Father to help you master it. I am.
Psalm 10:17 You hear, O Lord, the desire of the afflicted; you encourage them, and you listen to their cry...
Lord, you know the desires of my heart. I trust you to be my encourager and my helper.
Suz
Friday, April 4, 2008
dying, full of cake
Kayla, Hannah, and Summer and I went out today. We shoe shopped and then went to lunch at Chili's. Summer ate some of her lunch and then asked if we could have dessert. She's our dessert girl. When she gets sweets, she giggles, grins and claps. Today was no exception. Her dessert of choice was Molten Chocolate Cake. It's a warm chocolate cake with a melted fudgy center topped with a huge ball of vanilla ice cream covered in a hard chocolate coating. A chocoholics delight--Summer's delight.
She was several yummy bites into it when she said, "When I die, I want to be full of cake." Hannah's eyes got big and her jaw dropped. Summer noticed her sister's reaction, laughed and said, "What? I like cake." I understood exactly what she meant. When cake is good, it's wonderful and chocolate cake is my favorite, too. How good would it be to go to heaven with a tummy full of cake? Perfection. That's what. At least in my granddaughter's mind it is.
My surprise wasn't that Summer loved cake enough to die with a full tummy of it, I was stunned by a 6 year old talking with no fear about when she would die. Lots of people are superstitious about death because if we talk about it it will come sooner. Won't it? I know someone who didn't want to decorate for Christmas when her sister was very sick because when she did many years before, that same sick sister's husband died. For her the connection was too strong, and WHAT IF if did happen? Wouldn't it be her fault for putting up that Christmas tree anyway?
I'm glad my Summer-belle isn't afraid to talk about realities of life and death, even if it does include her childlike perspective with dessert. She's learning positive things at home about faith in Jesus and heaven and it shows her trust in the Lord to take care of all the details in the things she doesn't understand.
Luke 11:25 At that time Jesus said, "I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children.
Lord, let me trust you as a little child, not only in death, but in all of life and in its every circumstance.
Suzanne
She was several yummy bites into it when she said, "When I die, I want to be full of cake." Hannah's eyes got big and her jaw dropped. Summer noticed her sister's reaction, laughed and said, "What? I like cake." I understood exactly what she meant. When cake is good, it's wonderful and chocolate cake is my favorite, too. How good would it be to go to heaven with a tummy full of cake? Perfection. That's what. At least in my granddaughter's mind it is.
My surprise wasn't that Summer loved cake enough to die with a full tummy of it, I was stunned by a 6 year old talking with no fear about when she would die. Lots of people are superstitious about death because if we talk about it it will come sooner. Won't it? I know someone who didn't want to decorate for Christmas when her sister was very sick because when she did many years before, that same sick sister's husband died. For her the connection was too strong, and WHAT IF if did happen? Wouldn't it be her fault for putting up that Christmas tree anyway?
I'm glad my Summer-belle isn't afraid to talk about realities of life and death, even if it does include her childlike perspective with dessert. She's learning positive things at home about faith in Jesus and heaven and it shows her trust in the Lord to take care of all the details in the things she doesn't understand.
Luke 11:25 At that time Jesus said, "I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children.
Lord, let me trust you as a little child, not only in death, but in all of life and in its every circumstance.
Suzanne
Friday, March 28, 2008
Byron's mom and heaven
Byron's mother is in the hospital. We got the call about 5am this morning that the ambulance was taking her in because she was hurting. After all is said and done today, the tests show she may have had a heart attack and probably has some infection somewhere. We went to see her tonight in the ICU and she's pretty miserable. She's hot and sweaty, very tired, sick, weak and uncomfortable.
Byron and I prayed for her while we were there tonight and asked the Lord to help make her comfortable, peaceful and able to rest. I wish I could say she settled right down and quickly went into a restful, deep sleep. She did settle down some and we're still praying for the good rest she needs.
I love my mother-in-law. She's always been good to me and helped us many times over the nearly 40 years Byron and I have been married. I remember her as a vital, busy wife, mother and grandmother. When all the grandkids were toddlers, we'd leave them with her and Byron's dad on a Saturday night so we young marrieds could go out as couples sans children. Some nights it was 8 young ones running around her house. She'd be up, busy changing diapers, feeding or handing out cookies while Byron's dad sat in his chair and refereed the little rascals. On Sunday nights during choir practice she'd line up the grandkids on a pew with her at one end and Papa at the other to corral them while we sang. She was a brave woman taking on that many kids at once. It's tough to see her so fragile and weak now.
Sometimes I wonder why the Lord takes some people home quickly and others seem to linger on and on. I hope when it's my time to die, He takes me quickly. I've told Byron and my girls that if the Lord chooses to honor my prayer, not to worry about me or cry any more than necessary because I'll be all right. "What a day, that will be, when my Jesus I shall see. When I look upon His face, the one who saved me by His grace. When He takes me by the hand, and leads me to the promised land. What a day, glorious day, that will be. "
I ponder on death often. Maybe it's because of my mother's extended illness before she died last year, my younger cousin Sondra's sudden death last April, or Byron's mom's struggle with her failing health over the years. I'm looking to the time immediately after I die when we won't have to struggle there like we do here. It's true, life is hard and then you die, but, at the Lord's time for us, after death...what a great day! Heaven will be sweet and Jesus, sweeter still. I'm not afraid. I'm homesick.
I love you all.
Suz
Byron and I prayed for her while we were there tonight and asked the Lord to help make her comfortable, peaceful and able to rest. I wish I could say she settled right down and quickly went into a restful, deep sleep. She did settle down some and we're still praying for the good rest she needs.
I love my mother-in-law. She's always been good to me and helped us many times over the nearly 40 years Byron and I have been married. I remember her as a vital, busy wife, mother and grandmother. When all the grandkids were toddlers, we'd leave them with her and Byron's dad on a Saturday night so we young marrieds could go out as couples sans children. Some nights it was 8 young ones running around her house. She'd be up, busy changing diapers, feeding or handing out cookies while Byron's dad sat in his chair and refereed the little rascals. On Sunday nights during choir practice she'd line up the grandkids on a pew with her at one end and Papa at the other to corral them while we sang. She was a brave woman taking on that many kids at once. It's tough to see her so fragile and weak now.
Sometimes I wonder why the Lord takes some people home quickly and others seem to linger on and on. I hope when it's my time to die, He takes me quickly. I've told Byron and my girls that if the Lord chooses to honor my prayer, not to worry about me or cry any more than necessary because I'll be all right. "What a day, that will be, when my Jesus I shall see. When I look upon His face, the one who saved me by His grace. When He takes me by the hand, and leads me to the promised land. What a day, glorious day, that will be. "
I ponder on death often. Maybe it's because of my mother's extended illness before she died last year, my younger cousin Sondra's sudden death last April, or Byron's mom's struggle with her failing health over the years. I'm looking to the time immediately after I die when we won't have to struggle there like we do here. It's true, life is hard and then you die, but, at the Lord's time for us, after death...what a great day! Heaven will be sweet and Jesus, sweeter still. I'm not afraid. I'm homesick.
I love you all.
Suz
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
that song stuck in my head
Have you seen the Kia commercial where the guy can't remember which side of his car his gas cap is on? He pulls up to the pump and it's on the other side and he really struggles with the pump hose. Then it shows driver after driver doing similar things. The premise is that they have to buy gas so infrequently they forget where the opening is on their car.
It's a cute commercial, but there's a catchy, Dylanesque little ditty, reminescent of my 60s teen years, that that goes along with it that has been stuck in my head since Monday--"I just can't seem to get it right today, I just can't seem to get it right today. I think I'm gonna give up. I think I'm gonna give up." For all I know it may be a real song and I 'm just out of the loop but I do know it's a sticky little thing. Like I said...in my head since Monday!
I don't minimize the role of messages in music because we should guard our minds and what we allow in there, but I also try not to overreact to them. This one, however, bothers me. This seemingly harmless song insidiously tells me over and over again what I fight not to believe anyway--that I'm not gonna get it right today! Thanks, but no thanks, I don't need that kind of help.
While some people struggle with issues of grandeur, over-confidence and an I-can-do-it-attitude, I wrestle with doubts of inadequacy and shortcomings--because I know myself and my limitations. I surely don't need confirmation of them, and repeated encouragement to give up, ringing in my head.
I know that our Father loves me, loves us, and sees us as worthwhile despite this downer of a commercial theme song. Life is not a lost cause, and I am not a lost cause even with all my faults. Psalms 139:14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
The Lord made us with all our intricacies. He made us. We are not a cosmic glob of cells or a jumbled up "combination of heredity and environment" (per Max Lucado's devotion), and there are those times when I just can't seem to get it right, but if the Lord doesn't give up on me, then with His help, I will not give up on myself.
This sticky song is demeaning, discouraging and insulting, but with the help of some good music, I am going to replace it with something more positive--a good message. "Oh Lord, you're beautiful. Your face is all I see. And when your eyes are on this child, your grace abounds to me." Amen.
It's a cute commercial, but there's a catchy, Dylanesque little ditty, reminescent of my 60s teen years, that that goes along with it that has been stuck in my head since Monday--"I just can't seem to get it right today, I just can't seem to get it right today. I think I'm gonna give up. I think I'm gonna give up." For all I know it may be a real song and I 'm just out of the loop but I do know it's a sticky little thing. Like I said...in my head since Monday!
I don't minimize the role of messages in music because we should guard our minds and what we allow in there, but I also try not to overreact to them. This one, however, bothers me. This seemingly harmless song insidiously tells me over and over again what I fight not to believe anyway--that I'm not gonna get it right today! Thanks, but no thanks, I don't need that kind of help.
While some people struggle with issues of grandeur, over-confidence and an I-can-do-it-attitude, I wrestle with doubts of inadequacy and shortcomings--because I know myself and my limitations. I surely don't need confirmation of them, and repeated encouragement to give up, ringing in my head.
I know that our Father loves me, loves us, and sees us as worthwhile despite this downer of a commercial theme song. Life is not a lost cause, and I am not a lost cause even with all my faults. Psalms 139:14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
The Lord made us with all our intricacies. He made us. We are not a cosmic glob of cells or a jumbled up "combination of heredity and environment" (per Max Lucado's devotion), and there are those times when I just can't seem to get it right, but if the Lord doesn't give up on me, then with His help, I will not give up on myself.
This sticky song is demeaning, discouraging and insulting, but with the help of some good music, I am going to replace it with something more positive--a good message. "Oh Lord, you're beautiful. Your face is all I see. And when your eyes are on this child, your grace abounds to me." Amen.
It's gonna be a good day.
Suz
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