clarity

I was planning activities for someone else when I really wasn't "in the mood" to do it so I started to resent every errand or task associated with this activity. This was supposed to be a fun thing. A good thing. But it didn't feel fun OR good. So, I started thinking how I would feel if someone was doing something that was supposed to be a fun time for me with a poor attitude and dread. I didn't like how it felt at all.

Then, in what seemed like out of the clear blue sky, the person said something about how nice it would be for me after all this is over. It seemed sad for her to say it like she did. I thought I was hiding it pretty well but she must have been reading me better than I thought. So I said, "After this is all over we're going to look back and smile about it. This is a fun time and we're going to have fun doing all the stuff that goes along with it." I don't know where that thought came from, except from the Lord, because I hadn't been feeling that way at a all.

That was the turning point for me. As soon as I said it, the light bulb came on. Yes! It is going to be fun and we will have fun doing these things and we WILL look back on these few days fondly, with great memories. And we are! We're having a blast!

I don't know exactly what happened to change my outlook except that the Lord showed me the possibilities. He doesn't ever make us do the right thing. I could have chosen to wallow around in the "I don't WANT to's," and made everyone around me miserable enough that no one would want to be around me. Until a few days ago, I have never seen so clearly that I have a CHOICE about my attitude. I can choose to be grumpy or happy, and for whatever reason, this time I chose the higher road. I made a choice to have fun with this--and I am! We've had fun days of preparation and events and it's been a lot of work, but worth it all.

I make no claims that I have this lovely (read: personally challenging) issue settled forever. Every day, no matter how many birthdays I've had, I see how I am still a student of the Lord, learning how to listen to Him more clearly, learning how to put into practice what I have been hearing, and learning how to set my own feelings aside for the moment and think of someone else. For this test, for this issue, for this time, I think I am really getting it right and I am so grateful to the Lord for it because this outcome is not only affecting me, but others that I love and care for.

Father, what a great time for clarity of thought! I am loving this! Thank you for your guidance and your patience with me. Help me remember that as much as I'd sometimes like it to be, this life is not all about me. Please help me keep my thoughts and attitudes as close to yours as is possible and help me put them into practice as they come up. I think we'll all be happier if I do these things Your way. Help me hear your voice and obey. I love you so much.

Suz