resting anyway

Did you ever get an email forward that warned you of a dire plot by evil men to do you harm? They are fear mongering darts of dread and terror that sit in your inbox just waiting to try and make you shake in your boots.

The first time or two I received them I thought that I should be on the look out for the fear du jour. That would be prudent and responsible. Right? Shouldn't I look for HIV infected needles taped to gas pump handles? Watch out for the parking lot perfume seller who is spritzing his victims with ether so she can be robbed or worse? What about the gang initiation ruse with the flashing car headlights?

Have any of these things ever really happened? Honestly, I doubt it, but just because I doubt it does it mean there is no evil in the world and that we will never have dangerous situations to face? Of course not. The world is filled with evil, and there are plenty of lost human beings willing to carry it out.

The Bible offers us comfort and encouragement in the Lord as our protector and defender.

Psalms 3:1-4 O LORD, how many are my foes! How many rise up against me! Many are saying of me, "God will not deliver him."But you are a shield around me, O LORD; you bestow glory on me and lift up my head. To the LORD I cry aloud, and he answers me from his holy hill.

Got enemies? He is a shield around us!

Need uplifting? Feeling weak? Therein lies the beauty. The Lord says when our strength is gone, He will be our strength. He is the lifter of our head! He bestows glory and lifts our head!

Lonely and scared? He answers us from His holy hill!

Sometimes circumstances in our lives seem to shake us to our very core. We feel overwhelmed and at the end of our strength and patience. We wonder how in the world will we EVER deal with this in the coming days and weeks, even months--years?

Remember the old hymn?

"Where could I go, Oh, where could I go. Seeking a refuge for my soul. Needing a friend to save me in the end. Where could I go but to the Lord?"

I'm so glad my strength and wisdom is not my own. I'm glad the Holy Spirit comforts us when we fear. I'm glad the Lord speaks to our hearts and encourages us. When we get that email or hear about something heinous on the evening news, we need not fear. We can cry out to God and rest in His protection.

"I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety." Psalms 4:8

Father, When we fear, where else could we go but to you? I love you and cry out to you in my hour of need. You are precious to me. I rest in you.

Suzanne

making memories with alligators

Holly, Hannah, Summer and I went to Gatorland today for a Spring break outing. I wish I could have had Amy and Sid with us too, but we couldn't work it out for this trip. We had a wonderful time though and hopefully we'll all get to go on the next one. I like having ALL my children with me!

The weather was just right, neither too hot nor too cold. We got there early enough that the crowds weren't unbearable and since the fire and remodeling a couple of years ago, the attraction was really up to date and interesting. There were alligators galore, along with shows every hour or so, a swamp walk, a train ride, and a Bird sanctuary walk that was absolutely perfect. All this for Florida resident prices of $9.99 for the day! What a bargain! Seriously!

I loved today. The girls and I haven't had a day with just us in a little while now. I've missed it. My granddaughters are growing up so quickly that I feel like I'm on a ride too fast for me. I need to hang on, slow down or just get off and it's not possible. The time train is zooming out of the station and on its route. Summer will be 9 in about 2 weeks and Hannah is already nearing 15 years old. I remember when Hannah's little embryo body was the size of a pinto bean. (we kept up with all the illustrations from the childbirth book.) I had just started community college when Holly got pregnant with her and I reconsidered going to school in case I was needed. I stayed in school an it all worked out. She was born and I still got my degree. Now Hannah's a teen and as much fun as I always dreamed she'd be. She listens when I speak about issues and shares her views. She makes me laugh with her quick dry wit and quirky sense of humor and laid back manner.

Summer is a ball of fun with curly blonde hair and, for the moment, a front toothless grin. She wants to try everything and has a blast doing it! "Wanna check out the Gator wrestling show? Sure! Wanna sit on an alligator's back? Oh, please, can I ? Can we get a snack? What time is lunch? Suzy, do you have a dollar for some M & M's? I wanna ride the train. I didn't know there was a water park. I wish I'd brought my bathing suit and a towel! Here are the white alligators--let's go in here. Oh Mommy, can I buy a bag of rocks? Will you stay at my house and play with me when we get home? Let's go outside and look at my swing and sand pile." Summer is excited about everything. She makes me stretch and extend my comfort level even when I'm a bit tired. I push so she has fun. It's good to push.

I can't help but compare my experiences with my grandmothers and my experience with my grands. I barely knew mine. They were in other states and we only made the pilgrimage a week or so every few years. Although they were kind to me, they knew little to nothing about me as an individual and were too old, or sick, (or something) to try to get to know me. Let's just say it wasn't a priority. Because I'd never known anything different than that, it didn't bother me. That's just the way it was. As I look back, though, I see that we all missed out on something that could have been priceless. They could have discovered my sense of humor, my interests and have gotten to know me. And I could have learned about them, their interests and I could have heard stories from years ago about my family heritage and history. What invaluable resources were lost because we didn't connect?

All I can do now is make a sincere effort to connect with my grandchildren. I listened to their school and family stories and their jokes. Today they listened and asked questions as I pointed out Orlando landmarks of where their grandfather and I went on our first date forty some years ago. It made me wish I'd known more about my grandparents early lives and their relationship. But all that is the proverbial water under the bridge. I must move on from where we are now.

Like today. Making memories. Hopefully making memories they will never forget. Memories that, if the Lord tarries, they will recount to their children, and who knows! Maybe my great-great grandchildren will someday hear the story of our trip to Gatorland today and what a fun day it was.

It could happen.

Father, thank you so much for our beautiful day today. The snowy egrets with their delicate lacy plumage, in the bird sanctuary, were breathtaking! I hope I never forget their pristine, white silhouettes against the dark brown water of the swamp and the gray of the sunning alligators. But mostly , thank you for precious time with my little girls who won't be little too much longer. I am so blessed by my family. I am fully blessed by each individual in it. Thank you, thank you, thank you! I love you so very much.

Suz

patience and change

Have you ever had circumstances in your life for any period of time that simply weren't what you wanted them to be? What do you do with them? As a rule I guess I just keep walking--sometimes stomping my feet a bit--and still hoping, praying for a change.

At this point in our lives, I thought Byron and I would be in a different place...not relationship-wise. That's good. But the daily stuff is surely different than I expected. I never thought I'd be parenting again at nearly 60 years old. But here I am--taking care of a younger family member. It gets tough sometimes. Don't get me wrong--I KNOW it could be a whole lot tougher. We don't have attitude problems or rebellion bursting at the seams. Truth is, we'd all like things to be different--even the younger family member. None of us thought life would have this setup at this point. But--here we are.

I want to find contentment in this season. I've prayed for peace and rest and I've also prayed for change. Maybe that's the problem. I've prayed all over the place. To be content--to have change! How stable is that? Sheesh! I guess if I don't receive the change I want then I would like to have contentment in this season. I'm sure glad the Lord looks on my heart and understands, because my mind is a little disheveled right now.

What do you do when the Lord directs your path and it's not one you want to be on? I've tried surrendering it all to Him. And sometimes I think I've really let the issue go--but then the discontentment comes back and I feel like I'm right back where I started!

I am so tired.

It may seem overly dramatic, but I identify with David in Psalm 69:1-2 "Save me, O God, for the floodwaters are up to my neck. Deeper and deeper I sink into the mire; I can't find a foothold. I am in deep water, and the floods overwhelm me."

Yet I have to read further, believe God's Word and hold to v. 16 that says, "Answer my prayers, O Lord, for your unfailing love is wonderful. Take care of me, for your mercy is so plentiful."

I do believe that God's unfailing love is wonderful and that His mercy is plentiful. Sometimes I still want what I want, when I want it. Not a very Godly attitude, I know, but Jesus knows all about it, and it doesn't scare Him. He'll help me get where He wants me. He promised. He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it. Phillipians 1:5

I've got to keep walking.

Thank you, Father, for patience with me. I pray for change for the good, but I also pray for contentment where I am now. I love you so.

Suz

Rescue. No drama. No trauma.

If I've learned anything by having chickens it's that it does absolutely no good to chase a chicken. They will stay just out of your reach and keep going. Calm must be the attitude of the moment when I need to get one of my girls back into the fold, otherwise, it is an exercise in futility. Ask me how I know.

I have one little white hen, Gloriana, who regularly escapes from the chicken pen. Sometimes she has a friend with her but more often than not she's by herself. She pecks around the yard, investigates the stuff under the oak leaves right next to the pen and sometimes she goes into Byron's workshop and roosts on one of his benches. She's very social and loves to see what everyone is doing.

Yesterday, my little escapee, flew the coop (so that's where that comes from!) 4 times. Maybe she was being treated unfairly by the other chickens. Maybe she wasn't getting as much of the feed as she wanted. I don't know exactly what happened, but she left, and that's when I'd go out, capture her, put her back in the pen, go back into the house, look out the window and see she was out again! Gloriana never causes trouble outside the pen. She stays fairly close and just moseys and pecks but I get concerned about other animals chasing her or hurting her. It seems to be my worry, though, not hers.

When I go outside to put her back into the pen, I walk slowly toward her and talk softly to her like I've done ever since we got them back in October.

"Hi, honey."

"What are you doing?"

"You gonna come see your Mama?"

"I love you, honey."

When I get about 20 feet from her, I stop, bend way down, and continue to talk softly to her. That's when she comes running over to me to see what I'm doing. She loves her Mama and always comes running. Now, I could try to pick her up then but she'd probably bolt and run, so after she's a little closer, I get up and walk slowly toward the pen, talking all the time. A little closer in, I bend down again and sweet talk her some more. That's when she comes to me, I pet her on her belly and she comes closer so I can pick her up firmly, not harshly, and hold her close to me. I stroke her head and long neck gently, talking sweetly all the time. If I were rough with her or yelled at her, I'd have a much harder time taking her back to safety. She would soon learn not to come to me at all. But, I don't do things that way. We walk calmly to the pen where I set her gently over the fence and she flies down into the pen. No drama. No trauma.

I noticed some similarity between my experience with Gloriana and how the Lord often treats us. In our own "wisdom" sometimes we ignore danger and leave the safety of our faith to pick and probe around in the world, looking for the next tasty morsel. The Lord faithfully comes after us time and time again, calling our name, beckoning us with kindness and love to come back to safety, to come back to Him. He doesn't yell and chase us around. He walks along side of us, persuading us to choose right. The Holy Spirit woos us in love and when we surrender, when we allow Him to pick us up, He gently soothes our ruffled feathers. He calms us and carries us to His chosen safety, which is better than any illusion of safety we might have devised for ourselves.

Luke 19:10 The Son of Man came to look for and to save people who are lost." I'm so glad the Lord seeks after us.

I know. I know. Chickens are chickens and people are people, but sometimes the Lord uses the really simple things in my everyday experiences to show me His beauty--His infinite love for us--and I love Him for it.

Thank you, Lord for allowing me to learn about You in the subtleties of my life. I appreciate all the times you've come after me in my foolishness and wooed me back into safety and fellowship with You. I love how you keep it simple for me and how you drop your word into my heart and mind as easy as pie. I love you so very much.

Suz

changes of time

I've been an especially busy girl the last few weeks...months? I don't really know how it happened. I haven't signed up for more than usual, or at least I don't think I have. Anyway, stuff has been a poppin' lately. I'm not enjoying all of it so much.

I think I'm changing, or maybe I'm just getting to who I really am. I don't know who I'll be come my birthday. It's all new to me. I've never been this old before! I've always gone 90 to nothing when there were things to do. Run here. Run there. Make this work. Make that work. And I could do it pretty well. That's not to say I didn't become frustrated when the speed was too much. When I'm overwhelmed I get mad and I cry. Sometimes both at the same time. It's not a pretty sight. I'm leaving out a bunch of stuff here because I'm simply not too nice when I'm stretched to the maximum. My husband knows. Ask him.

I notice my body slowing down. I don't want to make myself run at getting things done. I'll get to it. I WILL GET TO IT. Just give me a few minutes. I've got 10 things on the list. The one you may want me to do is Number 6...not Number 1. And, so I slow down and get to it in my own time, with just a hint of zip. And it's becoming ok. It really is.

What I would like to do is take a few steps back and regroup. Rearrange my schedule. Reconsider my commitments. I'm beginning to understand my older sisters and brothers a bit better. We're tired. We're not out of the loop. Just a bit fatigued. And overwhelmed by the responsibility and the work that life demands.

Byron just turned 60 this month, and I'll be 58 this October. I don't feel that old. There's always a little hint of surprise when I think about our ages. What happened to the teens that were so much in love? Oh, the love has grown and deepened, but the teenage part--that's what has disappeared--it has melted into the past--along with a teen's energy, shape, and outlook on life. There's absolutely nothing that is old hat to a teen because most of them haven't done much in life yet. I know I hadn't.

Despite the change in energy levels and body, some changes are lovely. There is often a calm that slips in when I am in the midst of doing something simply pleasurable like having a conversation with my granddaughter or, yes, even holding one of my hens and stroking her long neck peacefully. Then there are the fun phone calls with dear friends, or elderly aunts. I love doing those things. What about spending an unhurried afternoon just putzying (my own word) around the house: straightening up the clutter, making banana bread and starting supper a little early because there are no external demands on my afternoon or evening. Now that's really nice. Those quiet, peaceful times look all the more attractive when I'm in a frenzy to get across town for a medical appointment or trying to figure out what's for our dinner when all I have to fix are big lumps of meatsicle that I forgot to thaw for our evening meal.

I yearn for two things. I would love to have more energy to jump into my tasks with both feet...with total abandon...and then jump back out again when I need to do so. The other is to have more moments of peacefulness with my husband, family, friends, animals and home without a plethora of things nagging at my brain.

I don't know if these two will ever call a truce. Will I learn to stop and smell the roses and forget the frenzy? At least for the moment, I rather doubt it.

Father, Even though I don't really like it, I often feel the "need for speed" but, I also long deeply for quieter times to bask in the peacefulness of simpler times. It's often tough for me to sort out, but nothing is tough for you. Help me find the balance and to still strive to live a quiet life. I love you so much. Thank you for the wonderful boy you sent my way when I was only 16. He was a real catch! I'm so grateful for our life together. You're good. So good!

Suz

strong women of God

It's 3 am and I'm wide awake.

It's been mostly overcast with rain the last few days or so with a few bits of sunshine peeking through during the day and it's breezy tonight. Or, maybe I should say it's breezy this morning? I was roused around by the gentle sound of my wind chimes moving just enough to make music in the darkness from my back porch--and it was just enough music to capture me and brush away the 'sleepy,' but I don't mind because I have something good to think about.

There's a new project on the horizon and I'm excited about getting started with it. The idea to begin a church magazine/newsletter was presented to me by one of the women at our church and I liked the idea and wanted to be a part of it. I mentioned it to someone else and got an enthusiastic response, too. We mentioned it to a few more women and each one has jumped on board with great ideas to add to the mix. We shared our vision with our pastor and he gave us the go ahead. Not only did he give us the go ahead, he encouraged us to run with it. At this point it's kind of like the old commercial, "if I tell two friends, and they tell two friends, and THEY tell two friends..." I'm loving the inspiration and creativity being shared by the women of our church.

It's been a while since I have been 'inspired' by a project and I've missed the excitement. I've missed the focus of doing a specific, good thing well. With the other women who are also working on this publication it feels so do-able and the great thing about this project is that it's not just about a handful of women putting out a magazine. Our goal is to draw all of our church women together so we can get to know one another better and share some ideas and wisdom along the way.

We want to include as many of our women as possible and make it easier for us all to be those written about in Titus 2:3 Similarly, teach the older women to live in a way that honors God. They must not slander one another or be heavy drinkers. Instead they should teach others what is good. Another translation says to "help the older women to teach the younger women good things."

If an older sister shares her wisdom with me, she's teaching a younger woman good things. If a twenty-something young mother shares her life experience with a teen girl, she's teaching younger women good things. It's not really about age at all. It's about becoming a cohesive group of women helping each other become strong women of God.

We have an abundance of wealth in our congregation in our women. We have jewels with much talent and knowledge and wisdom and I'm loving finding out about 'who does what' well! I have a friend who lives by the phrase, "Looking forward," and it is a realistic, relevant way to live for Christ. For the Christian, life is all about looking forward in Jesus so I'm borrowing it from her. It's a new day and I am also looking forward.

Lord, you are so good to us. You are the Creator. Your steadfast love never ceases and your mercies never come to an end. They are new every morning. You give us fresh opportunities to 'bloom where we are planted.' Thank you so much for good, fun things to do for you. I love you with my whole heart.

Suz

staying away from Frazzle City and enjoying the crazy chaos

Only a couple more days till '09 is history and I'm looking forward to a good 2010. We've had some financial challenges this year. Christmas shopping this time was different. Not bad, just different. Work has been nearly non-existent for the family business so we made a real effort to tone down our buying. It made for creative gift giving but it really was kind of fun. I didn't do the "one gift for her, two purchases for me," thing as I have done for so many years previously. You know how those sale prices kinda suck you in and you've just got to go ahead and buy it while it such a great deal! Well, I didn't do that this year. It hardly hurt a bit!

With a smaller gift budget to work with I found myself thoroughly concentrating on the true meaning of the season...the birth of Jesus...and all that it means for us as Christians. I made an effort to slow myself down and make myself "chill" when my temperament tried to lead me down the wild and wooly path to Frazzle City. I asked the Lord to help me be kinder and more patient with everyone I met in town from the customer in front of me to the cashier at the register at the grocery store...and He did. I found that when I was genuinely nicer and more pleasant, not only did my transaction go smoother but I left the encounter feeling really good inside. There is no "up" side to impatience and irritability when dealing with others. Ask me. I know! I deal with both these issues on a daily basis.

Christmas was good this year. We had our Christmas Eve gathering at my house with our immediate and some extended family. I was happy to have almost everyone together. Aunt Wanda and Aunt Margaret stayed at their house because Aunt Wanda isn't up to par right now. She's having some health issues that will hopefully be resolved soon. There was lots of food and laughter but I still missed them a lot that night.

Christmas Day brought our daughters and their families back to our house for gift opening and our traditional Christmas lasagna. Our grandson Sid was with his mom and her family this year. We sure missed him a lot! After we ate we went to visit Byron's mother for a little while and then made it an early evening home. By this time I wasn't the only one ready to call it a day! We were all tired and looking for some place soft to land.

New Year's Eve we're planning the Loftin-Baker-Adams 2nd Annual Wii-lympics. Sid will be home by then and we'll have a blast playing competitive Wii games, eating a great dinner and then shooting off fireworks in the driveway. That's our plan, if the Lord allows. I'm so glad to have children to share the holidays with. I'll admit sometimes it's lovely to just sit and visit with other adults with no children's distractions but for me, Christmas and New Year's Eve just aren't the ones! I love the crazy chaos of the kids with their goofing and rough housing and fun.

It seems like only a few days ago it was 2008, but here it is 2009 and it's nearly gone! I'm looking forward. Forward to what the Lord has in store for us. I am looking forward to hearing from the Lord more clearly and more often. I believe He's always speaking to us so, I want my heart to be sensitive to hear Him well. I would like for the economy to turn around in the near future, but I really don't know what the new year will bring. I'm not afraid, and I know it's sure to be OK because the Lord is in control of it all. Who better to trust with our future than the Lord? I'm hopeful about the days to come for our family.

Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” Heb 13:5

Thank you, Lord Jesus, for a lovely Christmas and a good new year. You promise us your presence and your help even in the middle of economic uncertainty and trouble and we love you so much for staying right with us. What a great thing to know that we can be content with what we have! I love you so very much. You are wonderful!

Suz