depth and breadth and height

I had a great day today with Holly. Her birthday is Saturday so we went shopping for her present and to lunch at a nice little Italian restaurant. It's been a long time since we've been out together and I've missed it a lot.

To all moms of little girls: I know that even though it's hard work now while they are young you feel blessed to have your baby girls. It is an absolutely wonderful time in life when you get to mother your children. Enjoy it to the fullest and then look forward. Some of my greatest times as a mother are when I'm not mothering at all anymore. This present time with my two precious friends who are my daughters, are the best of all.

These times with my adult daughters, Amy and Holly, these times, as genuine friends, are my very, very most precious times. The baby, toddler, little girl, and teen years are great, but the friend years are greater! To get to know who your girls are as adults, how they think, react, believe, and live and to be in awe of who they are as women is a most amazing thing.

I was only 18 and 20 yrs old when I had our girls. Not much more than a baby myself. I was inexperienced and did many things immaturely and even wrong. I don't recommend motherhood for anyone at that young age--but no woman ever loved their girls more than I did...and still do. In spite of my youth, inexperience, and mistakes, the Lord did what I could not. He filled in the gaps in their mothering so much more fully than I ever could and the results speak for themselves.

Our girls love and have served the Lord their whole lives. They are loving, kind, generous women who are grateful for the blessings they have been given. They love and respect us as their parents, and go out of their way to let us know how much we mean to them. Talk about blessed? I am a woman most blessed!

So, Happy Birthday, dear Holly! It was a fun day! I love you more than you'll ever know. And, Amy, I love you in the same way! I wish I could express to you girls to the "depth, and breadth, and height, my soul can reach." I am grateful to the Lord for allowing me to be your mother and more grateful for His filling in my gaps in parenting you both.

Father, thank you, thank you, thank you! You give good gifts...even my children...and I love you for it!

Suz

if wishes were horses...

What makes us want to withdraw from the world? To keep to oneself--to hide for a while. Often, for me, it's because I need time to process events that may be hard to express openly and freely. I need time to consider the the ins and outs of a season. To think of what happened, how it happened, why it happened and what it all means in the grand scheme of things. How will it affect me in the coming days, weeks, months, and even years? How will it affect those around me, those whom I love the most?

Life has changed a lot for my husband and me in the last few years, in good ways and in some not so good ways. We have dealt with, and are still dealing with health issues, financial changes, aging issues, and relationship challenges. For the most part, it's going ok. Sometimes not well, but not always bad, either.

I think the aging thing is the most difficult. I don't want it to be, but it is. I always thought that when someone reached age 60 (I'm not quite there, yet), they felt the same as they did at 50 but they were just older. For some, maybe, but not for me. I definitely feel more tired, have many more aches and pains, sensitive stomach issues, decreased appetite, and my interests are changing. Activity is just plain harder to do--much more of an effort. I'm trying to live a healthier life by exercising some and cutting down on fats and sweets, and it works sometimes. But it's not only physical changes I've been dealing with, it's attitude changes, too, some of them not so positive, others, much better.

I think I'm more patient with sales people and older people than I ever have been but I'm less successful with rude or arrogant adults. I hesitate less when speaking up for myself, but I do it less frequently because most of the time, it's just not that big an issue. I'm also giving up offering my opinion unless asked...but don't ask, if you don't want my honest answer. When I see someone in the grip of sin, it makes me more sad than mad and I realize that it's Jesus' love he or she really needs, not my judgement.

Thinking of days past, I have regrets and wish I could change some things, but "if wishes were horses, we'd all take a ride." I can't change the past, but with the Lord's help and His gracious love, maybe I won't make many new regrets. In some ways I'm more comfortable with who I am, who the Lord made me to be, while in other ways I see so much room to grow and be more like Jesus. I feel the warmth of the Holy Spirit guiding me and helping me more every day. He really is our Helper. It's beautiful to hide away and learn from Him the things of the Lord while He comforts us with God's love.

Thank you, Father, for time to think about things and your wisdom to guide us. I can't do it on my own. I need you.

Suz