I've been thinking about...

depth and breadth and height

2012-02-09T22:57:00.006-05:00

I had a great day today with Holly. Her birthday is Saturday so we went shopping for her present and to lunch at a nice little Italian restaurant. It's been a long time since we've been out together and I've missed it a lot.

To all moms of little girls: I know that even though it's hard work now while they are young you feel blessed to have your baby girls. It is an absolutely wonderful time in life when you get to mother your children. Enjoy it to the fullest and then look forward. Some of my greatest times as a mother are when I'm not mothering at all anymore. This present time with my two precious friends who are my daughters, are the best of all.

These times with my adult daughters, Amy and Holly, these times, as genuine friends, are my very, very most precious times. The baby, toddler, little girl, and teen years are great, but the friend years are greater! To get to know who your girls are as adults, how they think, react, believe, and live and to be in awe of who they are as women is a most amazing thing.

I was only 18 and 20 yrs old when I had our girls. Not much more than a baby myself. I was inexperienced and did many things immaturely and even wrong. I don't recommend motherhood for anyone at that young age--but no woman ever loved their girls more than I did...and still do. In spite of my youth, inexperience, and mistakes, the Lord did what I could not. He filled in the gaps in their mothering so much more fully than I ever could and the results speak for themselves.

Our girls love and have served the Lord their whole lives. They are loving, kind, generous women who are grateful for the blessings they have been given. They love and respect us as their parents, and go out of their way to let us know how much we mean to them. Talk about blessed? I am a woman most blessed!

So, Happy Birthday, dear Holly! It was a fun day! I love you more than you'll ever know. And, Amy, I love you in the same way! I wish I could express to you girls to the "depth, and breadth, and height, my soul can reach." I am grateful to the Lord for allowing me to be your mother and more grateful for His filling in my gaps in parenting you both.

Father, thank you, thank you, thank you! You give good gifts...even my children...and I love you for it!

Suz

if wishes were horses...

2012-02-07T00:34:00.007-05:00

What makes us want to withdraw from the world? To keep to oneself--to hide for a while. Often, for me, it's because I need time to process events that may be hard to express openly and freely. I need time to consider the the ins and outs of a season. To think of what happened, how it happened, why it happened and what it all means in the grand scheme of things. How will it affect me in the coming days, weeks, months, and even years? How will it affect those around me, those whom I love the most?

Life has changed a lot for my husband and me in the last few years, in good ways and in some not so good ways. We have dealt with, and are still dealing with health issues, financial changes, aging issues, and relationship challenges. For the most part, it's going ok. Sometimes not well, but not always bad, either.

I think the aging thing is the most difficult. I don't want it to be, but it is. I always thought that when someone reached age 60 (I'm not quite there, yet), they felt the same as they did at 50 but they were just older. For some, maybe, but not for me. I definitely feel more tired, have many more aches and pains, sensitive stomach issues, decreased appetite, and my interests are changing. Activity is just plain harder to do--much more of an effort. I'm trying to live a healthier life by exercising some and cutting down on fats and sweets, and it works sometimes. But it's not only physical changes I've been dealing with, it's attitude changes, too, some of them not so positive, others, much better.

I think I'm more patient with sales people and older people than I ever have been but I'm less successful with rude or arrogant adults. I hesitate less when speaking up for myself, but I do it less frequently because most of the time, it's just not that big an issue. I'm also giving up offering my opinion unless asked...but don't ask, if you don't want my honest answer. When I see someone in the grip of sin, it makes me more sad than mad and I realize that it's Jesus' love he or she really needs, not my judgement.

Thinking of days past, I have regrets and wish I could change some things, but "if wishes were horses, we'd all take a ride." I can't change the past, but with the Lord's help and His gracious love, maybe I won't make many new regrets. In some ways I'm more comfortable with who I am, who the Lord made me to be, while in other ways I see so much room to grow and be more like Jesus. I feel the warmth of the Holy Spirit guiding me and helping me more every day. He really is our Helper. It's beautiful to hide away and learn from Him the things of the Lord while He comforts us with God's love.

Thank you, Father, for time to think about things and your wisdom to guide us. I can't do it on my own. I need you.

Suz

Day 28...countdown!

2011-10-27T03:32:00.012-04:00

The team only has today and Friday to work at the job site. They have all 3 buildings blocked and are now working on the central octagon. Two walls of the octagon are 11 courses high and 5 other sides are coming right along. They have to leave one undone for dirt work, etc, inside. The Africans have been working together with our guys to get this project as far along as possible while we are here and will continue after we have gone home to finish up. It's been a tough job all around. Fatigue has been a challenge, as well as the rain. The blocks are not uniform which makes laying them difficult and the uneven ground along with the mud makes just walking from place to place a challenge! Despite all these things, though, the team has done an amazing job and the place looks more like a Bible school every day!

I wish you all could see the beautiful grounds of the Malabo Bible School. Rolling grass covered hills are highlighted about with lush greenery. Coconut palms, banana, papaya, carambola, and avocado trees dot the property. Giant Ceiba trees that can grow 230 ft or more are also scattered over the landscape. They are straight, with a mostly branchless trunk that culminates in a huge, spreading canopy and buttress roots that can be taller than a grown person. I've never seen anything like them until we came here two years ago. It's not a sight I'll likely forget!

Local women wash their clothes and bathe at the small river that runs through the property. They scrub the clothes and slap them on the rocks to clean them as best they can, while young men wash cars downstream where the river runs by the highway. A hen and her chicks meander the property while a battle worn rooster crows throughout the day. Pastor Carrol has 8 pretty little goats that graze the fields during the day and are put in their pens for safety at night. Lizards are abundant and run everywhere over the place. I saw some that were large, beautiful pastel blue and green and yellow running up and down one of the palms the day we went there to see the goats.

The school property is a peaceful place. I imagine Bible students walking from place to place on campus or sitting on a bench beneath a Ceiba tree reading and studying or praying. This Bible school is one of the prettiest places in all of Malabo and will be a light shining in the darkness, training the many people who want to come study God's Word.

The days are passing by--28, so far. We've marketed many times, cooked many meals, prayed many prayers, slept many nights, made many phone calls home and missed our families tremendously. A man cut the grass yesterday. The Deal's five puppies are growing up fast. The team has laid nearly 7500 blocks so far and are working hard today to get as much done as they can because our time is coming to a close. Each day done is a day closer to home. Gayle is fixing a turkey tonight and if it's as good as the last one, we're in for a treat.

It's a good day here in Malabo.

Father, thank you for your strength in this assignment. You are blessing the team with good health and strength and good results. Thank you for Pastor Carroll's and Gayle's vision to build the Bible school and for the strength to see it through. It's going to be good, Lord. Real good. I love you and appreciate your grace and mercies that are new each morning.

Suz

our last week

2011-10-24T11:31:00.007-04:00

The rain has been pretty regular lately. It's nearing the end of the rainy season here in Malabo and it seems it's going to go out in a downpour! We had rain on Friday, Saturday, Sunday night and Monday morning. The guys left to go to work this morning and turned around and came back for a few hours until it slacked off enough for them to do some work. It's overcast but not raining now and they will probably work a bit late tonight because it's their opportunity to catch up and work hard to accomplish their goal of finishing building three and getting busy on building four.

Our three replacements, Joyce, Kathy and Steve made it with only one missing bag, and even it showed up the next evening as promised. Kathy and Steve joined the guys on the job site, while Joyce has been a big help to me in the kitchen. We're making chili, espinacha (African spinach), fresh green salad with homemade honey mustard dressing and Apple Walnut Cake for dessert. I know they will all be hungry tonight. Longer work days will do that to ya!

Since we've been gone my poor pup, 12 year old, Treasure, has been having some health issues and isn't doing very well. The vet thinks it's her bile duct, maybe gall stones, etc., so in turn, Amy has been dealing with sick dog issues. It's been hard on her trying to take care of her family and our three dogs, one of which has needed special meds, food, treatment and trips to the vet. I had so hoped things would go smoothly for her but it hasn't been the case at all. Wonder why issues come up like this when there's no way to remedy them? I have been praying for Amy and for our pup. I'd like to be there to fix it, but it's way out of my hands and solely in the Lord's.

We went out Saturday for a hamburger and ice cream as a special treat and it was delicious! I actually had a small Margherita pizza, which was delicious, but the real treat was the small scoop of coconut ice cream! Now I'm not a big ice cream person and I can usually take it or leave it, but I'm so glad I chose to take it on our outing. This tiny scoop of ice cream was truly creamy and sweet with a fresh coconutty flavor highlighted by tiny bits of fresh coconut throughout. I don't know if we will be heading there again before we go home, but I will remember this frozen treat for a long time to come!

Church was great yesterday. Each Sunday we've gone, the attendance has increased. The preaching was excellent and I love the African worship! The music is unique with the African harmonies and rhythms and since Malabo is on an island, I think there's quite an islandy sound too. The most fun part is the dancing as worship. It's spontaneous and fun and celebratory! Wouldn't it be fun to have this type dance at Glad Tidings? A little bit of Africa in Ocoee, Florida...

We have just a few more days to labor before we head home. Time to keep going so we can get as much done as possible while we are here. Please pray for rain free and injury free days for our team! God is good and blessing our efforts!

Father, thank you for these new experiences and for helping us to learn how to trust you even when we're a long way from home. I'm so glad there's no distance in prayer. I love you and trust you.

Suz

catching up

2011-10-18T09:29:00.004-04:00

I'm going to skip a few days journal that I've already written to update all at once. We've been without internet for a few days but I hadn't blogged before then for a multitude of reasons. I guess the first one is that I was simply too tired to put down my thoughts. The work day is long and constant with a few breaks here and there, and there are so many new experiences and things to think about that I couldn't capture them all if I tried. I wouldn't be living my days, I'd just be thinking and writing!

We've been getting a lot done. The guys have completed blocking up two whole buildings, are starting the third and are coming right along with it. Chuck, Stuart, and Chester went home on Saturday night and tomorrow night, Joyce, Kathy, and Steve will arrive and stay and work until we all come home the following weekend. We'll be so glad to see them and have them here to help us along.

I celebrated my 59th birthday here in Malabo and it was a good day. Dinner was meat loaf, mashed potatoes, green beans, carrots, salad, corn bread, with chocolate cake topped with a dark chocolate glaze and homemade whipped cream. Yes, I made my own birthday cake but it was tasty and we all enjoyed it. We didn't have regular candles so Gayle found the one she used for her granddaughter's 3rd birthday. I guess each year can stand for 20 years for me---almost...

We've been having some good produce and nice meats so the meals have been good. I've made French toast for the first time and also BBQ sauce from scratch. They were both good. There aren't a lot of prepared foods in the stores so I look through Gayle's recipe books or go online and research simple recipes that can be made with basic ingredients and stuff turns out nicely. I think I may try to do more scratch cooking when I get home. It really isn't that difficult and it tastes good! I'll bet it even costs less, too.

The worst thing that's happened since we got here, at least for Byron and me, was that my dearest friend's husband, Jerry, died suddenly on Monday, Oct 10, 2011. Jerry had been recuperating from recent surgery when he began having problems and died in the night at home. I can't tell you how helpless I felt knowing that my friend was hurting and I couldn't go to her. If we'd been home, Byron and I would have flown out immediately to be with Alice and her children, but it wasn't the case. We prayed, individually and as a team, for her and depended upon the Holy Spirit to comfort her in ways we never could--even if we'd been right beside her. It's in the times where we have absolutely no control over a situation that we find out just how good the Lord is. I was able to talk with her via Skype a couple of times and email her a few more times, along with our other best friend, and together we supported her long distance in the Lord. It may not have been what we wanted most of all, but the Lord guides our steps, and I have to believe that He knows better than I do what best for us all. I'm so thankful that our internet loss didn't happen in the middle of her crisis.

I miss my home, I miss my pups, I miss my friends and I miss my family, but I will say without a doubt that my heart is content to see this task though that we've been called by the Lord to do. Malabo is not home but we are comfortable, well fed and have good friends and most of all, we have the Lord, with us. The tasks God calls us to are not always comfortable. They are not always easy. They cost us something, but in return for obeying, for working, for going, the Lord gives peace and contentment that are unfathomable.

So, it's a good day here in Malabo. Tonight's menu is Homemade Chili, Coleslaw and Saltines and Dark Chocolate Cinnamon Brownies with the last of Benny's walnuts! Sounds yummy to me:)

Father, thank you that there's no distance in prayer. Thank you for comforting my friend Alice and her children when we couldn't be there with them. Thank you for tasks given and strength to do them. I love you!

Suz

a regular day

2011-10-10T04:39:00.004-04:00

Breakfast at 7 am: Scrambled eggs, toast, buttered oatmeal, fruit juice and pork sausage seasoned by moi! Then it’s clean up and a little writing time. I did a little laundry and straightened up our room. We are comfortable in our place. It’s an upstairs apartment that occasionally houses missionary families but it’s not occupied now except by Byron and me. It’s cool and comfy and we are sleeping well there.

Gayle fixed lunch while I started supper. Homemade spaghetti sauce with pasta, fresh garden salad with olive oil vinaigrette, buttery toasted French bread, with homemade apple walnut cake and real whipped cream for dessert. All in all, I’d say it was a yummy meal. I found the cake recipe in an old church cookbook of Gayle’s and even though it is easy, it is a tasty recipe. Here it is:

Apple Walnut Cake

4 C coarsely chopped apples 2 C all purpose flour

2 C sugar 2 tsp baking soda

2 eggs 2 tsp cinnamon

½ C vegetable oil ½ tsp salt

2 tsp vanilla 1 C chopped walnuts

Combine apples and sugar; let stand. Beat eggs slightly. Beat in oil and vanilla. Mix flour with baking soda, cinnamon and salt. Pour egg mixture and flour mixture into bowl with apples. Mix very well. Bake at 350 about 1 hour in a 9 X 13 pan. Serve with homemade whipped cream or a scoop of vanilla ice cream.

The guys came in about 5:30 cleaned up and came to the house to wait for supper. A few of them checked emails and tried to call home and another couple of them dozed off on the couch for a little cat nap before our meal.

I set the food out, Byron asked the Lord’s blessing on it and we ate. During the meal and afterward there was great conversation and lots of laughter and later more attempts at communicating with home. Someone put in a comedy video and we enjoyed Tim Conway and his humor.

Bedtime came soon for us as we went to bed a little early. Early for me, anyway. Even I can’t believe it. But I’ve worked hard thus far and by that time of night, I’m ready to call it a day.

I hope most days will be pretty uneventful but good, and that the work progresses smoothly. It seems that will be the way most progress will be made and our time here will be most productive.

But the people who trust the Lord will become strong again. They will rise up as an eagle in the sky; they will run and not need rest; they will walk and not become tired. Isaiah 40:31

We just keep walking…

Suz

conditioning and cleanliness

2011-10-08T05:17:00.005-04:00

I tried fixing French Toast this morning for the first time ever and I’d say it was a success! We had French toast, bacon, oatmeal, fruit juice, and coffee. Then I cleaned up the kitchen, swept and mopped, and wrote for a bit.

Keeping a journal and putting some of it in the blog isn’t as easy as it might seem. There are many things I’d like to capture but busy-ness creeps in the way. I want to write down how I feel about this place and the new things I’m observing but I often have a difficult time with putting my feelings in type. The city is cleaner than it ever has been according to Pastor Carrol but by U.S. standards it’s still pretty dirty and it often smells bad. When we stepped off the plane into the terminal at Malabo, I noticed the odor and I remembered it from our last time here two years ago. I do try to remember that I am also conditioned to U.S. standards and it’s just not the way it is in the rest of the world. I’m not sure we always do ourselves a favor by becoming such germophobes. I’m trying to lighten up and adjust.

I started dinner fairly early today. We had BBQ pork chops with homemade bbq sauce, white bean soup with tomatoes and seasoned with a few carrots and onions, buttered carrots, steamed potatoes, leftover green beans, leaf lettuce and tomato salad with olive oil vinaigrette, and buttermilk cornbread, iced tea and soft drinks.

This was a day of firsts for me, I suppose. I made French toast AND BBQ sauce for the first time ever and both turned out pretty well. I took Gayle’s advice and added a bit of milk, a few drops of vanilla and a sprinkle of cinnamon to the egg mixture. It was tasty and I’m not a big French toast fan. The BBQ sauce recipe I got online and it was simple and pungent but went well with the other more low key flavors in our meal. I’d make it again, and I probably will!

When we'd finished dinner Benny called us all together for a time of reflection about our stay here so far. There were some great feelings expressed and some told how the Lord is speaking to them in this place. I recounted my green bean revelation and asked for prayer for a friend from home. Others shared testimonies of the Lord’s goodness and lessons learned and it was a good time of encouragement and support in this place so far from home. Times like these on a mission trip are necessary. We know why we're working so far away from home, but sharing our thoughts and needs with one another and praying for one another helps us keep our focus on the truly important things on this trip and in life.

It was then time to turn in and rest up for the next day. I’m not used to so much activity. My life is pretty sedentary at home, so this is a challenge for me. My bed time now reflects the difference and is much earlier here--but I welcome it. I know how necessary rest is when the body is at its limit.

The days are long.

My work is steady.

My body gets tired.

My heart is content.

God is good.

All the time.

Father, thank you for this expansion experience. I’m stretching and I think it’s good. We are not all alike over the world and not everyone has to think like I think or to do things as I do them. You are who is important and the condition of our soul is more important than the cleanliness of our cities, our homes or our hands. I love you and thank you for opening my eyes and for helping me keep them on You

Suz

Day 3 stringing and popping

2011-10-07T03:50:00.005-04:00

Up, bright and early at 5:45 am. Gotta have food ready by 7 for the guys. A similar breakfast for most days: scrambled eggs, buttered oatmeal, toast, bacon, fruit juice, tea and coffee. Then, it’s off to work! For the guys, and for me!

First, it’s kitchen clean up, then shower time and a little bit of writing before fixing sandwiches to take to the guys for lunch. We make ham and cheese sandwiches along with peanut butter and jelly sandwiches on bread fresh from the bakery, with Pringles, cookies and drinks for their midday meal.

We take them their lunch at noon and I see that the Bible school is coming right along! The library is nearing completion with finish work. The windows are in, painting is finished, and the light fixtures are up. It‘s going to be a beautiful building that serves the campus well.

Gayle and I visit with them for a few minutes and then it’s back to the house to begin prep for supper. We have lots of fresh green beans to string and break up, potatoes to wash and cut up, whole chickens to clean, soak, cut up, and season to grill, cabbage to chop for slaw and brownies to bake for dessert. It is going to be a busy afternoon of work!

Fresh produce is one of my very favorite things. I love all types of veggies and if they are fresh from the garden, all the better. We had the bounty of fresh produce that Gayle brought back from Moka on Sunday afternoon, some were gifts to her, some she purchased. One of the things she purchased was a big bag of green beans, a lot of them—a whole lot. I don’t mind prep work but what I really like to do is cook, so as I’m sitting at the table taking the ends off, stringing each one and then popping it into a couple of pieces, I start getting bored. “These are going to be good. They’re nice and fresh. I wish I could get beans like this at home.” I prep a bunch more and I think, “Man, there sure are a lot of beans. Four steps to each bean. I’ll never get done. What a bunch of beans!”

It escalated from there. Then, as I kept stringing and popping, I thought about working for the Lord. Some jobs are in the limelight. Some are not. I was working for the Lord, and I was prepping veggies. I realized that doing something for the Lord isn’t always the big job, isn’t always up front, isn’t always fun or always interesting. Working for the Lord at the task He’s set before you is about walking and not fainting. It’s the daily task that’s rarely even noticed. It’s being faithful in well doing, regardless.

So, as I was stringing and popping the Lord spoke to my heart gently. He said, “If I was sitting beside you in the flesh and I asked you to string beans, would you do it?” No answer was necessary on my part. Of course I would, and I’d be honored to do it! It was so simple. My task, for that very moment, was to string and pop beans.

Dinner turned out well, but I thought it probably would. With all those great ingredients, it had to be good. Grilled chicken was juicy, beans and buttered potatoes, tasty, brownies…yummolicious! I’ve cooked for my family for 41 years and as a kid since I was 12 yrs old and I still get nervous when preparing meals for others. I want everything to be perfect and, let’s face it, it won’t always be so! The Lord has helped me on this trip and I need Him to keep helping me. I’m always my harshest critic when it comes to cooking or baking but so far, even I think the food has turned out pretty well. Thank you, Lord!

Cleanup doesn’t take too long as everyone helps out some, even after laying block all day. I try to stay up and write then but I am exhausted so Byron and I go to bed at 8:30! Me? Before 2? Yep. And I slept all night, too! It was a busy, very busy day, but a good day. A very good day!

Father, thank you for lessons about the small things. It's not just the one in front who has a heart for the things of God. You use even the most minute tasks to show us what is important to You. Help me to walk and not faint. To do the job set before me with a content heart. I love you and thank you for the task at hand.

Suz

Day 2

2011-10-05T04:17:00.003-04:00

Saturday night as we prepared to turn in, we heard African drums and chanting. It was loud and ominous and captured my attention immediately. First came the drums, then we heard chanting, then cheering. For a split second I wondered if it were some sort of sporting event because of the cheering but then I’d hear the drums and chanting and the whole feeling changed. It wasn’t a good sound. It sounded dark. I asked Gayle about it the next day and she asked me if it could have been a bar or night spot noise. I didn’t think so. It didn’t sound celebratory or drunken at all to me, so she said it may have been a witchcraft ceremony.

The menu for this morning included oatmeal, scrambled eggs, toast, fresh apples and watermelon, orange juice and mixed fruit juice and coffee. I got done in record time and everyone said it was good. We had to leave for church at 9:30. Thomas, a friend of Pastor Carrol’s, drove us to the church in his van because Gayle had gone to Moka where she pastors a small church, and she takes the car. Thomas is from Ghana and is a tradesman. He makes rattan furniture, etc. He has a wife and some of his children here in Malabo and he very kindly drove us to church just in time for Sunday School.

There were three classes being taught at the same time in the unfinished sanctuary. Two classes were taught in English and one in Spanish. We broke up into two groups for the English classes so neither teacher would feel slighted. Our teacher, Paul, was well versed in the lesson and with the exception of the acoustics (it was very loud and echoey), I enjoyed the class. I thought he did a good job especially when someone asked a question and no one volunteered to answer. A man asked a question was about how the Lord’s mercies are new every morning. He wanted to know what it meant. No one wanted to commit himself to answering it so our teacher said, “Our brother asked a question to learn more about the things of God. Will no one help him understand what he needs to know? “ It took twice asking this same question but finally a woman gave him an answer.

She was Christy, a diplomat from Nigeria living in Malabo. She explained how the Lord meets our changing needs every day and the Lord is merciful to each of us by meeting these needs when we call to Him. She answered his question in a way that the man understood and he left knowing a little more about the Lord and His goodness.

The worship service was great! Lots of music, prayer, offerings and dancing. We also had communion at the end of the service. I love how the church in Malabo receives the offerings, tithes and missions giving. There are labeled boxes on pedestals for each type offering: tithes, missions and general offerings. They are lined up across the front of the church. First, tithes payers come up bringing their tithes with them. They stand in front of the box and the whole congregation and pastor prays for them and over their giving. It’s a solemn moment and, yet, happy. They are doing what the Lord requires and it is good.

The other offering boxes are lined up and the music begins again, loudly and lively! People come from both sides dancing as they bring in their offerings at the same time, meeting in the middle and then leaving up the center aisle. They sing, they clap, they dance. It’s beautiful! I love the joyfulness of their giving. It makes me want to dance, too!

Communion requires one be a born again and a water baptized believer for participation. If you qualify and want to partake, you must walk forward with everyone else to receive the bread and wine. One man prayed over the bread, another over the wine. We prayed, partook and praised. It was beautiful.

If I had to describe the main difference I see in US church services and Malabo services, I think it’s that everything is not so private. You come up front to pay your tithes. You come up front to bring offerings. You come up front for communion. It creates accountability and allows others to see Christians following the Lord, obeying His teachings. Another difference is that anytime during the service, music, preaching, or even after prayer if someone likes something she heard or if something sung blesses her, that person brings up an offering right then. It doesn’t disturb the service and it blesses the heart of those in the congregation. It allows one a quick view into the heart of another.

We ate lunch at a nice Chinese restaurant. I had chicken and pineapple which sounds really good, but the sauce was a clear cornstarch sauce that made the dish unappetizing. I mostly ate the rice, spring roll, bok choy and my hot jasmine tea, so I still left satisfied.

Dinner was grilled burgers, pinto beans with tomatoes, garlic, and onion, jasmine rice, fresh lettuce and carrots from the garden. Gayle received the lettuce and carrots from someone’s garden as a practical offering and they were delicious! She also brought home a big sack of fresh green beans and cabbages. I think I see beans and coleslaw on our dinner plates soon.

It was a good day and after our late dinner I went to bed early because I was tired. I find it hard to write down all I’m seeing and experiencing. I can’t overcome my feelings of desperation for the people of Africa—and it is spiritual need that I write of as with witchcraft ceremonies, but also of physical need. There is no place to look where poverty does not invade. Like the ubiquitous trash everywhere one looks, there is poverty and lack. The weight of dust, dirt, filth is overwhelming. It breaks my heart to see people living this way but, I also wonder how much of it is my American culture that pushes me to think how hard it is here. Not every culture has the same standards of cleanliness so is it them…or me?

I will write a lot about food on this trip but it’s my focus because I’m the cook. It’s on my mind all the time; what’s for breakfast, lunch, dinner. What’s the plan for tonight? How can I make this taste like home? Should we have a dessert EVERY night?

Food is our fuel for the job at hand. The guys need good food and lots of it. I want to make it tasty. When our need for nourishment is met generously, when we have familiar foods prepared in familiar ways, I think it makes being the distance a little shorter, the longing for home a little less painful, being away from home a little easier.

Father, thank you for providing for us in safety, in strength and in sustenance for this trip, for every day. Jesus prayed, "Give us this day our daily bread." We are grateful for needs met, however great, however small. I love you.

Suz

Day 1

2011-10-04T02:28:00.004-04:00

Our flight to JFK went fairly smoothly. We had to pay a $300.00 oversized baggage charge for the two weed eaters we purchased for Pastor Carrol in Orlando and at JFK we sat on the runway for an hour and a half waiting for our turn in line to take off. The delay made us hurry to our gate in Paris so we had no time to look around or try any foreign treats. We went straight to boarding for our flight to Malabo. Byron and I had seats on opposite sides of the plane so I asked the young woman sitting beside me if she’d switch seats with Byron so he could sit with me and she agreed. So my hubby and I got to sit together for most of the 8hr flight. It was a nice thing for her to do.

I talked her for a little while at the end of the flight and she said her name is Dilara and she is a 20 yr old Turkish college student. In Texas, the others pronounced her name just as it's spelled and they ran the "Di" and "lara" together. It should be pronounced "De-lata" with a little roll on the "r." It's much prettier said this way and she wishes the others had pronounced it the way her mother intended. She had just completed a 3 month work/travel program in Corpus Christi, TX, where she worked as a hotel housekeeper. The bonus was a five day stay in New York City where she did some shopping, sightseeing and saw a Broadway show: The Addams Family She was heading home to start her new semester two weeks late but was confident she would catch up with her missed class work. She is studying to become an ecological engineer like her father and sister and is beginning her second year at Istanbul University.

I asked her about ecological engineering and she told me she was only studying it because her father and sister did, and her father was the one who had suggested the work/travel program. I was impressed with her courage, this girl who’s never left Turkey, never been to the USA, who's never even had a job, and who doesn't really want to be an ecological engineer. Her heart is in the arts. She wants to become an actress and be on stage. Ecological engineering is what she studies because she doesn’t know what else to study and because it was a family choice. Quite a conundrum. Why does someone with her whole life ahead of her spend 4 yrs and much of her father’s money pursuing someone else's dream?

I enjoyed talking to this young woman who may one day become a talented actress or even a great ecological voice. She has potential for anything she wants to do, but I wonder if it will be her dream, her father’s dream or will she make choices in her young life that will take her down a completely different path. She wants to be known by her correct name, “De-lata,” but she’s studying a field that’s not truly hers.

Does the Lord look at us and see great potential for us in Him and see us going down avenues that don’t suit who we are? Are we following someone else’s dream and passing by God’s best for us? Each one of us wants to be known for who we are and still sometimes we wander off into directions not at all good for us or we do things that totally change our course from which we can never return.

We made it to Malabo along with all our bags and the weed eaters. Gayle had a great pot of homemade chicken veggie soup and we made ham sandwiches to go along with it. We talked a while. We caught up. Had fun fellowshipping and turned in pretty early. We had church in the morning and my job was just beginning. Breakfast bright and early at 8. It would be a good day!

Father, thank you for safety, flight connections met, and meeting new people. Guide Dilara, guide us in your chosen way so our potential in You will be fulfilled. Give us strength to do the tasks ahead of us. I love you, Jesus.

Suz

our departure

2011-09-30T01:45:00.005-04:00

We leave for JFK in a few hours, then to Paris and on to Malabo. It's hard to believe how quickly the time has passed--even though it's not been a terribly long time--just since June. I'm happy to report we should have power when we get there. That's welcome news--and even though it will certainly make things easier for us as a team, it's difficult to imagine how Pastor Carrol and Gayle have tolerated it for 4 weeks now! The generator they have is old and expensive to run so it wasn't used as often or for as long as they needed it to.

I've been doing errands for the last two weeks making sure I have all my necessities and a few wants. Today was a very long day of transporting pups to Amy's house, picking up last minute items, and dinner and dessert with our girls and families. There was also a trip to the doc for me because of a diverticulitis flare up. He added a couple of prescriptions to my list and I'm feeling much better now.

Pastor Gary recently preached about Jesus sleeping in the boat while the storm raged as He and his disciples headed across the lake. Their destination was the other side of the lake and they were going to get there. Jesus said so. But the disciples became terrified on the way because of the storm. They panicked when the way to the other side wasn't what they'd expected. The way hadn't been smooth, painless and perfect. They lost sight of what Jesus told them. They awakened Jesus and He calmed the storm and, ultimately, them.

We've had a few, very few, glitches as we've prepared to go on this trip, but we are heading to Malabo as the short term destination the Lord has set for us. It's not going to be a vacation. We are going to work to complete a goal, but I know it will be enjoyable and satisfying and fun because we are setting out to do what the Lord has asked with people who all have the same focus. How much better can it get?

I'll post as often as I can and bring you along with us on our adventure of a lifetime. Please pray for us all.

Father, thank you for this opportunity and for providing a way to go on this trip. I am humbled and grateful for your hand on this project, for your hand on us. Please bless us and help us to accomplish all that YOU have planned. I love you utterly...

Suz

Aunt Wanda's birthday!

2011-09-22T22:15:00.010-04:00

It was a Sunday, Sept 23, 1928, in Sweetwater, Tennessee, when my maternal grandmother, Myrtle Patterson Kidd, gave birth in her home to Wanda Lou Kidd, my dear aunt. She already had 3 sons, Garnet, 7, Earle. 5, and Kenneth, 3. Wanda was her first baby girl.

Even though weak in her body from chronic asthma, tired from taking care of her 3 active little boys, and exhausted from labor, she must have been happy to finally have a daughter. Wanda was the baby for three years until the others started coming along: Barbara, Margaret, Don, Polly, and Nancy.

The family struggled to make a living. George, my grandfather, was a sharecropper and sometimes worked in the woolen mills. As a girl, Wanda and the others had to feed the chickens, milk the cows and tend the garden, as well as go to school. It was a hard life and they may not have had much, but they never went hungry.

Wanda grew up and went to work as soon as someone would hire her. As soon as they were old enough, all the children had to have jobs and contribute to the household budget. As long as she lived at home, she never questioned that it was her responsibility to work and help bring money in to support the family.

Wanda grew up to be a wonderful young woman who married her sweetheart, Bill. They moved from Tennessee to Michigan to begin their married life and my parents followed. After I was born, Aunt Wanda took care of me for a year while my mother worked. As I grew up she took me with her on bus trips to Tennessee to visit family and other trips to Indiana to visit Uncle Bill's family. We were travelling buddies. She took good care of me and we had lots of fun together. She was my friend then, as she is my friend now.

Aunt Wanda has always treated me with respect and listened to me. I remember having conversations. She'd talk, I'd listen. I'd talk, she'd listen. It's a rare gift when someone really listens and even more rare when she listens to a child or young adult. Aunt Wanda listened and I always felt important when I was with her, as I do now.

When I spent Saturday nights at their house there was always church on Sunday morning and I watched her live a Christian life in a practical way. I saw her write out her tithe envelope. I heard her sing in church service. I learned how to behave in church by her example. I learned that church was a place to worship the Lord, but where you could also make great friends! I still remember some of the ladies she was friends with at Missionary Church in Royal Oak, Mich. She was my example of a true Christian in every day life.

Over the course of their lifetimes, Aunt Wanda and Uncle Bill opened their home to many family members when they needed help for a time and also took on the responsibility of raising foster children. As a young girl, I remember meeting many new "cousins" and observing how each one was brought into the home and simply accepted as one of the family.

Aunt Wanda turns 83 years old tomorrow and is still interested in what's going on in mine and my family's lives. She has her own tremendous aches and pains but still asks me about my children and grandchildren, about what we've been doing and what we plan to do. Although her health does not permit much activity, her interest in life beyond her bedroom walls is amazing, vibrant and alive!

Happy Birthday, to my dearest Aunt Wanda! You have been my best friend from the day I was born until this very moment. I love you and wish you only good days! The Lord truly blessed me when He brought us together!

Father, Thank you for your gift of Aunt Wanda to me. She's a perfect fit! I love you, Lord, for your great blessings to us. Please bless her in amazing ways even now!

Suzanne

check, check, check--Malabo, here we come!

2011-09-21T20:42:00.009-04:00

Dogfood, check. Dog gates for Amy's house, check. Blue's meds, check. Instruction letter for the three pups, unchecked. It seems like a simple task taking care of 3 pups--after all, they are dogs, not children, but they do require some instruction about their habits, quirks, behaviors. If for no reason other than it will probably make our month long absence easier for our daughter to take care of them. Probably. I hope so.

Three, old, cantankerous Chihuahuas aren't a walk in the park--even for us! At this very moment, Treasure wants to go to bed so she's staring at me and "harrumphing" every few seconds so I'll go to bed and take her with me. I'm not ready to go to bed. She's just going to have to get over it. I'm not going to be put to bed by a bossy pup!

The pups are only one element that need attention so we can leave in a week and a half. I'm also trying to get our clothes together. You know, just enough, not too many, and just the right type--not too hot, but what if it gets a little chilly? I don't want to over pack--I can't over pack. I get one suitcase of up to 50 lbs and a carry-on and I don't want to be packing the night before we leave this time. I would like to be done with everything a day or two before. I've never done it before. Maybe this will be a first!

I'm going to miss my family like crazy. I've had my kids and their kids close to me their whole lives with the exception of vacations and mission trips, so this bothers me. Communication is a nearly daily occurrence...now. Soon? Not so much. I guess if there's one sacrifice long term missionaries make that touches my heart the most, it's the loss of geographical closeness with their families. Even now, my dear friend's daughter, son-in-law and and two young grandkids are preparing to go to Eastern Europe as long-term missionaries. Even though it's a God ordained assignment and they have worked hard and waited for this day for a very long time, my friend will be away from them for extended periods of time and she will miss them all terribly. I am happy because her children are doing what the Lord has set before them and I am heartbroken for my friend's pain.

There are still many things to think about and so many things left to do. Many boxes to check--to cross off the list. This is a story yet to be lived and written and I can hardly wait!

Father, Thank you for this upcoming adventure! I don't know what the days and weeks will bring but I am trusting you, regardless. I love you utterly.

Suz

planning for Africa

2011-09-06T23:51:00.010-04:00

We had an organizational meeting about the Africa trip last night and everything went well. We met a couple new guys who are going with us on the first leg of the month long mission and I think they will work well with our team. There was talk of immunizations, flights, baggage, what to take, tools, mud for the blocks, how many block there are to lay and how many the team can lay in a day. I thought about my roll in the mission, cooking and helping with team support and wondered if I am up to the task. Sleep eluded me all night last night as I mentally went over my list of things to remember, to buy, and to do before our date to leave.

Byron and I went to the doc today for new prescriptions and advice about malaria and travelers diarrhea--ever present possibilities when going to a third world country. I wrote out my list of errands to do and purchases to make and with each check off, I thought of two more to add!

I know I'm stressing over this stuff and I don't want to. I'm sure if I were more confident in my ability to organize, I wouldn't keep going over these things, but I'm not, so I stress. But it's really ok. I'm not in a tizzy or anything, I'm just trying to be thorough. I am really looking forward to this adventure. I can't wait to go to church with our African brothers and sisters! Their services are such celebrations with great music and dancing! It's different and worshipful and fun :) I wish I knew more Spanish so I could communicate better, so I'm going to drag out my Spanish textbook from community college and see if I can refresh my memory a bit. I'm sure it will help some!

It's going to be a good trip! I just know it will! It will be hard work, but it will be good. The Lord has His hand all over this one in the way it was brought up and worked out. It was only June when our team was asked to come--and now, with the Lord's help, we are leaving Sept 30 and will return Oct 28! How's that for amazing? What a privilege to be doing this!

Serving the Lord is nothing if not exciting! Please pray for the team as we move toward our departure date.

Father, you amaze me! I am in awe of your providence and ability to orchestrate circumstances and situations. There is no one like you! I'm so happy to be called your friend:) Thank you for your love and your guidance. I love you utterly.

Suz

bright, bright sunshiny days

2011-08-29T11:12:00.007-04:00

Getting ready to go. Cleaning up. Packing up. Revving up. Looking forward to the days, weeks and months to come. The sense of anticipation toward the future is nothing to be taken lightly. We need a sense of expectation. We crave the excitement of a new day and all it holds. We must have hope! We need vision!

There are times though when I am on the other side of hope. When I cannot fathom putting one foot in front of the other--when I've done all I know to do, when my heart is weary and when hope feels like the last drops of water going down the drain. It's a miserable place to be. That's when there's little chance of "pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps," when we need outside encouragement from someone who understands our pain and weariness. It's when we need Jesus to remind us that despite the trouble of the moment--despite treading water in the lake of sheer misery--whether the Lord chooses to relieve us from our storm or to take us through it, we will never be left alone to weather it for ourselves!

^{2 Cor 4:7-8}We have this treasure from God, but we are like clay jars that hold the treasure. This shows that the great power is from God, not from us.⁸ We have troubles all around us, but we are not defeated. We do not know what to do, but we do not give up the hope of living...

^5:16-18 So we do not give up. Our physical body is becoming older and weaker, but our spirit inside us is made new every day.¹⁷ We have small troubles for a while now, but they are helping us gain an eternal glory that is much greater than the troubles.¹⁸ We set our eyes not on what we see but on what we cannot see. What we see will last only a short time, but what we cannot see will last forever.

There is a better day coming. We can look ahead to better times. We are not mistaken or putting our dreams and hopes into something futile. We are trusting very God! Our Father. The one who loves us more than we love our own children--the one who IS love.

We must lift up our heads and look beyond what's in our faces saying, "There's no hope!" Look ahead to days filled with expectancy of the Lord doing a new thing in us, for us--through us. In the Lord, life is good!

Father, Thank you for a new sense of urgency and expectancy in life, in You! I'm so glad to look forward to what's planned for the coming days, should you tarry. Help us to look to you for encouragement. There's no end of hope with you. I love you so much.

Suz

idyllic places...ha ha ha!

2011-08-19T01:35:00.011-04:00

Another good day on Thursday in Ashland even if it wasn't quite as idyllic as reported the day before! I did a few things around the house and then went to visit my friend for a while and check out their chickens. They are the ones I raised and gave to Marsha and Odis. They had nearly 30 eggs hatched and now they have a wonderful flock of beautiful Brahma chickens. There's just something special about a sweet hen...

I thought a lot about Africa today. Those are our big plans coming up--a month long mission trip to Malabo, Equatorial Guinea in October. Pastor Carrol asked our team to come for a month to lay block for the Bible School we started there in 2009 and we said, "Yes!" Our longest mission trip thus far has been about 11 days and this one will be nearly 3 times that one. It's a little scary to be gone that far from home for that long but we feel as though the Lord is directing this trip and even though the assignment will be a tough one, we are eager to obey,

I often worry about all the details when we have a mission trip coming up. What should I bring? Will I have enough stuff? How can I plan and make this trip as seamless as possible for us? And that's when the trip is only a week or so. What about my energy level? Can I handle the work ahead? A month long trip really brings out the big guns of worry! I know it will all work out but until then, I stress over it, making list after list in my head. Probably ought to just write this stuff down and get it all together. I'm trusting the Lord to help me plan.

Our pup, Blue, had some kind of allergic reaction last night. I think it was my new fabric softener because of how it came about. Poor little guy was miserable; itching, running around trying to get relief, not being able to rest at bed time. Byron drove me to Piggly Wiggly to get some Benedryl for him and it eased his symptoms a little bit but only for a short time. I waited a few hours and gave him another dose and it helped a little bit again but not really well. I prayed for him and took him to bed with me. He slept for an hour and then got miserable again so I wiped him down with a cool wash cloth trying to get the softener off him and cool his hot little body and it seemed to give him a bit of relief. We went to another room and he slept the rest of the night snuggled up to me. Poor baby. He was so miserable and all he wanted was his Mama. Another dose today and he's much better. I rewashed his blankies sans fabric softener and he should be ok. I hate it when my babes suffer.

So, life isn't perfect in Ashland, AL. Fancy that! Maybe the contentment I feel when I first get here is what most people feel on vacation. I don't relax easily, so on trips, etc., I'm usually wound up, anticipating the fun ahead, or the work to come. No matter. Life isn't perfect and trouble-free anywhere in this world, but I love it here in our little house on the hill.

Thank you, Lord, for your loving care and supplying all our needs from helping me plan well for a longer mission trip to a faraway place, to calming an itchy little Chihuahua named Blue. I love you so much!

Suz

uncluttered days and contentment

2011-08-17T23:20:00.013-04:00

I had a good day today in beautiful Alabama. It was cool this morning, hot this afternoon and cool again in the late afternoon. The woods are looking a little ragged with the Tulip Poplars' leaves already turning yellow. My plum tree's leaves are getting crunchy and they are starting to drop and with the exception of the long leaf pines brilliant new leaves, the green is starting to fade throughout the landscape. The cicadas and night bugs sing loudly as soon as the sun goes down. Summer is definitely waning, and even though I'm not pushing any season out of the way, I can almost see fall waiting in the wings ready to take its place on stage.

I cooked three meals today and I loved it. In Florida we would have a simple breakfast, a hurried sandwich for lunch and then a regular dinner. It's different here. The day seems to start earlier and last longer. There are no pressing appointments, only a few special people to visit, and life, at least for us, goes at a snail's pace while we are here. I have time to fix a simple hot lunch. Take ground beef out of the freezer for supper, let it thaw, then fix some spaghetti with meat sauce, salad and garlic bread for our evening meal.

While Byron worked on the yard and later, the mower, I finished unpacking our containers of the things I brought with us and put away all our clothes, etc. for the weeks we will be here. I made the bed, cared for the pups, including taking all three of them out umpteen times to potty. (It takes them a day or so to become readjusted to this place and the potty routine.) I also had time to read more of my book, The Help. It's one I'm really enjoying so I only read it in fits and starts. I don't want to gobble it down. It's hard but I'm trying to savor it. I called my daughter and talked with her a while and with the little bit of clean up from the meals and straightening up, I stayed mostly busy in a contented way, today.

I felt purposeful and necessary and productive. Is this what getting older is supposed to be for me? I don't know how I'm supposed to feel at nearly 59 yrs old. I don't want to be "old" before my time, and on one hand, I feel as though I should fight growing older tooth and toenail--clinging to youth, such as it is at this point, with a death grip. On the other hand, this feels so nice and satisfying. Simple, and good. Normal. I have time to enjoy the things I'm doing. My heart is peaceful.

I like it.

Working at this slower pace allows me time to think--a lot. I think about my family and how dear they are to me. I think about my grandchildren and the people they are becoming. I think about dear friends and remember the fun times we've had, and this uninterrupted time to think allows for simple prayers--you know the kind, "Lord, you know the troubles he has. Intercede for him, Jesus." "Father, she's having a tough time, give her Your strength." "Jesus, I love her so much! She makes me laugh! Thank you for her place in my life." It's spontaneous, but timely conversation with my God at an easy pace. What a treasure!

This was my uncluttered day. If you are my friend or family, I probably brought your name before the Lord today. If the Lord allows them, there are big plans in the months to come on the horizon, and I gladly anticipate them, but for this season, this time, in this place, I want to immerse myself in this day, in this moment, and experience everything the Lord has for me here. There's much to learn from even the simplest tasks and encounters. I don't want to miss anything!

I am not telling you this because I need anything. I have learned to be satisfied with the things I have and with everything that happens. I know how to live when I am poor, and I know how to live when I have plenty. I have learned the secret of being happy at any time in everything that happens, when I have enough to eat and when I go hungry, when I have more than I need and when I do not have enough. I can do all things through Christ, because he gives me strength. Phillipians 4:11-13

This is where my aspirations lay--to be content in any situation--because the Lord is my strength!

Father, Thank you for today. It was a peaceful, satisfying day all around. Help me learn to be content in all my days, even those that are not so peaceful. I love you with all my heart.

Suz

laying aside worries

2011-07-31T23:03:00.009-04:00

...let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us...Hebrews 12:1

When the Lord tells us to lay aside the things that bother us, it means that it's possible to lay them aside. There's nothing too pressing, too big, too important, or too worrisome that we cannot lay it aside so we can draw closer to the Lord.

It's like wearing a big, ugly, dirty, heavy coat in the middle of our summer. We don't need it, we don't want it and it does nothing to help us. It makes us stinky and miserable. It keeps our focus on issues that will not be remedied by worrying about them.

Prayer makes a difference. Worry does not!

We are perfectly able to unbutton the awful thing and take it off, allowing ourselves to breathe easier, move more freely and give our minds space to think about what the Lord has for us today. Worry is fruitless and harmful. I've been worrying about some things, and if I am worrying, then I'm not trusting.

Tonight, as I sat on the porch at dusk, swinging and praying, I wondered just what steps to take--you know, like 1. 2. 3..., to lay aside my worries and draw near to the Lord, because I know this is where true joy resides. I thought of, "Come near to God and he will come near to you..." James 4:8, and I talked to the Lord some more about all those things I'd been carrying around. I took each one and I gave it to my Father. It was hard to let go of some of them because I'd grown so accustomed to holding them closely and worrying about them so much, but because He said I could lay them aside, I laid them aside.

As I lay each one down, I felt irresponsible--putting these important issues away like this--giving them to someone else--not worrying about them anymore. But it was necessary. The Lord said He will take all my burdens, so I'm not irresponsible but responsible for giving these worries to the only One who can do something about them!

I cried and prayed and my coat of many worries fell to the ground at the feet of my Father. My heart lightened, and as I thought about my Father, I looked up and saw the first star of the night twinkling through the clouds...at first, a tiny glimmer, but moment by moment, it brightened. As I considered His goodness and grace, I saw another star and thought of Jesus, my elder brother, my advocate, my friend. Just as I was about to go inside, I saw the third star of the night and was reminded of the Holy Spirit, the Comforter, my Helper. I felt surrounded by strength and love. It was wonderful!

Father, Thank you for taking my worries and bothersome issues for me. I know I am not able to fix them but you are able to take care of them in the very best way. I love you! Help me to always hear your voice clearly and to do what you say. No one loves me more than you do!

Suz

the entirely possible

2011-06-24T07:21:00.004-04:00

What do you do when an opportunity comes along and you'd love to participate but it's a big thing? A really big thing. It's going to be longer than you've ever been gone before. It's going to cost a lot of money. It's going to be hard work and you're not so sure you're up to the physicality of it all. How do you jump in with both feet off that precipice of your personal "normal" and fly smack dab into extreme unfamiliarity and the mostly unknown?

My cousin says, "God doesn't call the enabled. He enables the called." I believe this. I do--and it's a comfort for sure. I just want to know we've been called to this particular task--to this experience. I get excited when I think of it--the adventure--the tremendous opportunity. Wouldn't it be wonderful? When I think about doing something this new and exciting for the Lord now, at my age, it's humbling for sure.

If you don't know what you're doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You'll get his help, and won't be condescended to when you ask for it. Ask boldly, believingly, without a second thought. People who "worry their prayers" are like wind-whipped waves. Don't think you're going to get anything from the Master that way, adrift at sea, keeping all your options open. James 1:5-8 Message

Whether it's a small thing or a big thing--in our eyes of humanity--isn't the process the same? We pray. We ask the Lord to open doors, close others and move in the direction of the prize always looking with great anticipation toward the entirely possible!

Lord, Thank you for your promise of freely offered wisdom. Guide us in the way you'd have us go and make that way clear for us. Without You, we can do nothing. I love you, Father.

Suz

my mother, my friend

2011-06-16T23:14:00.011-04:00

Four years ago on June 17, 2007, my mother, Barbara Bryant, died of lung cancer. It was nearly a four year battle for her and she fought a good fight. She endured treatment that I'm not sure I ever could. Chemotherapy was hard and I think the radiation treatments were the worst for her, but she pressed on and did all she could do to be here as long as possible--for her grandkids. She knew as long as she was here, they had a home and stability. It wasn't about her and her relief and comfort. It was the sacrifice and giving that a loving mother provides for her family.

I spent a lot of time with her those nearly four years she was sick because there were doctors' appointments every day for a long time. We ate lunch out after most trips and loved doing it. It gave us some light moments and some good food. I learned much about what she enjoyed eating and about her, her life and what she thought about many things. I tried to make sure we had something good and made new memories each day. The days were long for us both and exhausting for her, but every morning, she got up, got ready and we left for our adventure du jour.

At one point it was necessary for Mom to have a feeding tube for a few months because of the radiation treatments. Lunch wasn't an option during that time but she still loved to think about and talk about good food--a lot. One day as we were heading home, she spotted Jason's deli in Altamonte Springs. She told me she'd wanted to go in there for a long time and as soon as she was able, we'd have to go there for lunch. I told her that's exactly what we'd do...and soon! But then I thought, why not just go see what it was like in there? So I made my way to the parking lot and we went inside.

We took a seat on the bench on the take out side and just sat there for a while checking out the menu, smelling the delicious aromas and watching the people. Even though she couldn't eat, she encouraged me to get something to go, or to even eat there. I declined and told her that we'd both come back first chance we got and get something really delicious and take our time to enjoy our meal together. After about 20 minutes or so, we left and went home.

After a few months when she no longer had the tube and her esophagus was healed, I made good on my promise to Mama and we headed straight to Jason's after an appointment. She ordered a hot pastrami sandwich and potato salad and I had a quarter ham muffalatta. Our lunch was delicious and we both totally enjoyed it. I was so glad we'd finally gotten to try out our great deli place, and so was she!

I'm naturally shy (oh, yes I am!) and not usually the one who openly stops to "smell the roses," even though I believe it's important, but I'll never forget our 20 minutes or so on the bench that first time. We sat next to one another quietly chatting, absorbing the whole atmosphere, anticipating our next time when we would enjoy our meal together. It is one of my most precious memories with my mother.

I broke the ice that day on living in the moment and Mom and I had many more times of enjoying what was going on "right now," but it's also something I have continued to this day. It's too easy to always look to what's next on our list of things to do. There will always be the next thing and the next. We can get so caught up in what's coming up that we lose sight of what's right here, right now.

I miss my mother very much and at times, when something good--or bad--is happening, for just a split second, I think, "I'm going to call Ma...," but before I even complete the thought, I realize it's not going to happen and it makes me sad. I feel the loss all over again. Even though I don't have her here with me now, I do have an especially personal insight about life and living it fully.

My mother wasn't perfect, nor am I, but she was the perfect mother for me, and I thank the Lord dearly for her and her influence on my life. I miss you, Mom. You were a good mother and my dear friend. I love you.

Suz

Summer time

2011-06-14T21:47:00.007-04:00

Summer and I went to the movies last Friday for the opening day for Judy Moody and the NOT Bummer Summer. Summer has read many, if not all, of the Judy Moody books so she was looking forward to seeing this particular movie a lot.

We got there a little early, which was good, so our first stop was at the snack counter. She chose the kid's pack of candy, sm popcorn, and soda. All the right parts for a fun treat! There were plenty of seats so we got a couple of the best ones for our movie. I think I like those sour gummy watermelon candy things!

The movie was creative and funny, sort of. Because I do not know Judy Moody, I was surprised she was as whiny and ill tempered as she is. I was expecting excitable, fun, creative and very high energy--not grumpy and disrespectful. As long as things go exactly her way, she's very fun but look out if disappointment comes her way. Despite my slight dislike for Judy's character, there were enough cute, fun things that made our afternoon enjoyable.

After the movie we made our picture in a photo booth and we got a little silly but with my granddaughter, silly is great! We went to lunch--yes, even after our movie snacks--at Olive Garden. We didn't hurry and we talked a lot. Summer is growing up so fast. Seems like only yesterday she was a cute, chubby little baby and now she's a smart, lovely, soon to be fifth grade young girl who uses words like "ironic" correctly! I love it!

Nothing miraculous happened. No crisis. No double rainbows with lots and lots of glitter. Just a wonderful afternoon with my favorite blonde granddaughter, Summer. Time together. We've been gone a lot lately and I've missed it. I want more. I've watched a lot of people recently on tv talk about how they want to "get their lives together" so they can spend more time with their family. I got to do it last week with my little grandgirl. I can't wait to spend time with Hannah, too, and to see the rest of my group (Sid gets to come, too!) on Father's Day. It was a satisfying way to spend a summer afternoon.

Thank you, Lord for such a sweet blessing!

Suz

being in control

2011-06-10T23:14:00.018-04:00

I've seen a few people lately whose lives are completely and totally out of control. They just can't hold it in the road. They cannot change the paths they are on because they follow any new wind of desire looking for the next thrill. They are then off on a destructive journey which inevitably leads them back to revisit those all too familiar detrimental places that always made them feel comfortable before.

They go from bad to worse with dire consequences from which there seems to be no escape. After a while they feel compelled to follow these ever worsening winds of change. Lying, stealing, drugs, even intense anger help them momentarily forget the pig pen of disaster they live in. They've lost hope and any inkling of how to remove themselves from their pit of despair. They are at the mercy of whatever sounds good at the time. It's a heartbreaking place to barely exist.

There have also been times in my own life when control was the last thing I had a good grip on. Questions arose for which I had no answers. Things happened I couldn't change. Family and friends got sick and I couldn't make them well. It was different in some ways, but I, too, did not have control of what was happening. I wasn't calling the shots. I couldn't make anything go the way I wanted it to go. I wanted to make it all better. I wanted to do something to help--to fix it--to change it, but it wasn't going to happen, and despite all my good wishes and hopes for the future, I felt totally useless.

The answer to both these scenarios is simple, really. Each situation requires the same action for remedy: relinquishment of the reins of our lives to God. Whether we're talking about being bound by sin and addiction or by our own powerlessness to effect change, we need God to do the work! We must make ourselves vulnerable, pliable in His hand. He is the potter. We are the clay. Without Him, we can do nothing.

"My grace is enough; it's all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness. Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become."

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

I pray for those I know who are slaves to their own desires and addictions and I am still working on relinquishing my so-called control to the Lord's hand. I am finding rest in letting the Lord take the lead. It is a job that is way too big for me and I'm learning to love the freedom that comes with letting go!

Father, Thank you for taking me up and being my strength. Help me to trust you more fully every day. Help those I love who are totally out of control in their own ways. Only you can save us and make us whole. I love you utterly.

Suz

sweet home, Alabama

2011-06-05T23:57:00.017-04:00

We're back from a few weeks in Ashland. The trip didn't exactly go as we thought it might. We knew going in that water lines were a priority but we had still hoped for a little down time and a little opportunity to work on the apartment. It didn't quite happen that way. Byron and Odis spent the entire time working diligently on the water lines and getting the well hooked up for the farm. It was hot, exhausting work but despite the delays and glitches, they finished the job! There is now plenty of water available all over the place!

I had quite a bit of quiet time on this trip and even though I mostly enjoyed it, some days got a bit long. I had the pups with me but there's only so much you can say to a Chihuahua before you begin to repeat yourself--a lot. I went to Talladega a couple of times to go to Walmart and Walgreens. I ventured a little farther and went to Oxford to check out Target and Ross. The Ashland Piggly Wiggly and I became the best of friends. I attempted to bake a couple of loaves of bread from scratch and baked a fresh blackberry cobbler so I needed different ingredients often. So, go ahead! Ask me where the yeast packets and the Tide detergent are. I can take you right to them. Darn that orange clay!

One Saturday I went to an estate auction with a friend and learned a few things, like how some older Alabama ladies pronounce Talladega, "Talladegger," and that just because two elderly women are sisters doesn't mean Mary knows why Thelma is auctioning off her house and all her beloved belongings (Thelma has a real talent for decorating, you know)--even though she has been very sick lately.

At the auction in the mix of old items out in the garage, I discovered a small, brown metal bank shaped like a treasure chest. It was dirty and beat up but it had a skull and crossbones painted on one side of the top and and pirate head painted on the other, right above where the lock would have been had it not been broken. When I saw it I remembered my own pirate treasure chest bank just like it. Even though I never had more than a few pennies and some tiny treasures in it, I loved that bank. I don't know what ever happened to it, but, seeing this one, I suddenly felt deeply homesick for my childhood which in those few moments seemed a million billion years away.

Byron and I took one day and went out to Kylmuga Grist Mill and Covered Bridge which crosses the Talladega Creek. It's a working grist mill and the bridge was built in 1861. After crossing the bridge we walked through nature trails and identified bunches of trees and plants. It was a great refreshing time. A simple afternoon steeped in history and time together.

On the afternoons I spent at the house I often walked around outside just seeing what I could see. Even though I have put out my scraps from dinners and lunches, creature sightings are scarce but I do hear many birds. I've heard hawks screaming overhead and gobblers gobbling from quite some distance away. I wish I knew birdsong better because there are some unique ones really close by that sing very loudly. If I whistle through my teeth I can sometimes get them to answer me, or warn me to stay away! I'm not sure which. Once in a while I see wings' shadows on the grass and I know when I look up, I'll see a buzzard circling somewhere over my head. I watch squirrels stealing the stale bread I throw out for them, but they are really fast and don't hang around long like the ones in my yard in Florida.

I walk around the yard and my eyes scan the woods behind the house and the path in front of me. At first it doesn't seem like there's anything of consequence to find but I keep walking anyway. Right there on the orange clay bank in back of the garage is a pretty group of yellow wildflowers out in the hot Alabama sun smiling at me as though they are just waiting for a vase of cool water on my kitchen table! As I walk toward the upward path and the wild blueberry bush to check on the berries' ripening, I look down and see a million sparkles in the deep orange. Clay County, Alabama is mineral rich and even had a gold rush in the 1800s. Pyrite, fool's gold, is abundant and shimmery golden flakes glitter everywhere as I walk. It's like walking on a million tiny stars.

I see several piles of bunny poo in the parking area of our yard, some old, some new. Little Bunny Foo Foo comes every night and leaves his small markers. "Bunny was here." I don't mind because his sign let's me know that just because I don't see something happening doesn't mean nothing is happening.

My flowers are in a pretty glass of water on the table. My pups have pottied for the hundredth time today. Supper's done and Byron's watching a little television before bed. I fix a glass of iced tea and head outside with the phone to call my daughter or my aunt. It's dusk and as I connect with those I love back at home, I watch the bats come out to eat mosquitoes. They have a job to do and I get to watch them do it. At first there's only one but she's soon joined by a group of 3 more. They swoop and dive and eat to their heart's content. I've read that each bat eats about 10,000 bugs in a night. Go, bats, go!

Nope, it wasn't exactly the trip I'd pictured but it was good. How boring would life be if all we got was what we imagined? I want to leave the creativity of my days up to the Creator and let Him help me see His hand, His beauty, in even the small things.

Father, I appreciate your beauty and your creativity. Show them to me, please.

Suz

Rescue

2011-05-14T23:23:00.003-04:00

I need You Jesus to come to my rescue. Where else can I go? There's no other Name

by which I am saved. Capture me with grace. I will follow You

I have been rescued many times in my life. My mother rescued me often as a baby from harm that might have happened had she not been vigilant in caring for me. Staying with me when I was in the bathtub. Making sure my food was cool enough before feeding it to me. Moving obstacles I could have fallen over when I was learning to walk. Keeping me away from a hot stove or electrical outlet. When I was a teen she gave me boundaries that rescued me from the potential danger of bad influences and harmful situations. She rescued me often because she loved me.

My ultimate rescue was by the Lord when He saved me at a young age and He continues to help me and keep me from harm just as He promised He would do. Just knowing He is my advocate, my help, my rescuer brings peace like nothing else in this world. Knowledge like this is too wonderful for me. Very God is my rock and my shield for which I am humbled and grateful. He only is my rock and my salvation: He is my defense: I shall not be moved. In God is the rock of my salvation: the rock of my strength, and my refuge, is in God. Ps 62:6-7

But there are those for whom my heart breaks. Poor, sad, broken ones who have no such hope. No advocate. No rescuer. They move from trouble to trouble. Disaster to disaster without insight, without wisdom, without purpose save the next few moments of intentional high so they can try to escape their desperate lives. They are driven by a taskmaster whose only goal is to steal, to kill, to destroy.

I have often prayed for them in their brokenness and, in the past, I have been specific in the ways I've asked the Lord to help them. "Lord, please don't allow them to get together with the wrong friends. Lord, don't let them go to jail. Lord, do this. Lord, don't do that." As though I have the wisdom to know what's the best way for them to be set free. Well, I don't know. Only God knows what it will take for him, for her to be set free. My friends, my family need rescue. They need the rescue that only Jesus gives. In His time. In His way.

In a way, it's a scary prayer to pray. I cannot direct how and when and where. It's got to be His way. The Lord is plenty able to take care of the situation and He loves them more than I ever could. So, tonight, that's what I pray.

Jesus, rescue my loved ones--in your time, in your way, whatever it takes.

We need you, Jesus, to come to our rescue. Where else can we go? There's no other name by which we are saved. Capture us with grace. We will follow you...

Suz

Togetherness

2011-05-09T22:23:00.005-04:00

We're heading to Alabama in a few days and I am really looking forward to being back there. After a long day of driving and taking care of the pups on the road, when we finally drive up the hill to the house, it will feel like we're coming home. Not our only home, but home, nevertheless. I love our little house. When I take my fancy, dancy key out of my purse, unlock the lock and walk in the door, I relax a little.

I always leave it clean so it's a pleasure to enter. The first thing I do is go to the back of the house and start checking out things to make sure all is well. Laundry room/bathroom-check. Blue carpeted bedroom-check. Pale yellow bedroom-check. Second bathroom-check. Our bedroom, living room--all is well. I look over the kitchen, in the fridge, freezer, the cabinets--we're golden.

Then we start carrying in all the stuff we've brought from Florida to make our next couple of weeks comfy. I bring enough food to carry us over a day or so until I can get to the grocery store and I also make sure I have a few appliances that I don't have duplicates for like my blender, rice steamer and my iron. We always bring the pups' crates, food, cookies and blankies and until this trip we've had to bring things to help furnish the house or the soon-to-be apartment. Our house is pretty well supplied now and while we still have some stuff stored for the apt, it isn't necessary to bring it on this trip. The work we do this time will be with supplies we already have on hand. I plan to do some painting and gophering for Byron while he does the real work.

I can't wait to see how the landscape has changed since our previous visit. The tree lined driveway and surrounding hills have gone from lush and green, to golds and reds, to sparsely covered landscape that's open for viewing way up the hills. This time should bring the fullness of bright greens and wildflowers. I've decided I'm going to start putting my food scraps out in an open place so when I look out my door at night I might see some creature having a midnight snack. I can't wait!

It's fun for Byron and I to spend time alone. Even though we've been married nearly 41 years, we haven't had a lot of time with it being just us. We had children early on and then life took over quickly. We missed that early marriage "getting to know you" phase. Getting away to a place far from the regular daily grind, cooking for just two and working on common projects are helping us grow together even more as we get older. Many couples grow apart as they mature and this helps us bond tighter. My advice for married couples would be to make time to do things together. Just you two. It's vital to have your spouse as your best friend as well as lover, house mate, and partner.

It's funny and I never thought about it much until recently but when I look at my dear husband, I don't see a balding, 61 yr old with a sweet belly. When I look at him, whether he's spiffy and dressed for church or dirty after a long work day, I see the young, handsome boy with those deep brown eyes that I fell in love with in 1968. I think he's cute and I love to see him smile at me. It makes me feel like that slender, naturally blonde, 16 yr old he fell in love with way back when.

Yes, I'm looking forward to this trip even though a few days after we're there I'll get homesick for my kids and grandkids and I'll wish I could pop home for a few hours to see them, but I'll call and talk and cry a little and it will eventually pass and I'll get back into the Alabama groove. We'll work, eat together and talk a lot. When our time is gone, we'll head south, ready for some family time with our children--all of them. We'll be refreshed and renewed and ready for life back here at this home, and we'll probably be a bit closer than when we left.

Thank you for my husband, Lord. He's the perfect one for me. You did good.

Suz

revivals and precious memories

2011-04-04T23:50:00.030-04:00

I took a trip down sweet, memory lane this week. My good friend preached at a local church in Apopka, in revival services there, so I went to the service to worship with old friends and her. It's the same little church Byron and I attended as teens and where, shortly thereafter, I walked down that fifty-foot center aisle with my daddy to marry Byron some forty-plus years ago. It's where we dedicated our daughters--and ourselves--to the Lord.

The first time I visited the church with my friend, Barb, I knew nothing about the Pentecostal church. First, there was concert prayer, when the whole congregation all prays at once, that nearly scared me silly the first time I heard it. The explanation is that we ought all be praying during prayer time, and because God is God and He isn't nervous, and He can understand us all at the same time, it's a good thing.

I also knew NOTHING about the baptism of the Holy Ghost--now we call him the Holy Spirit--and speaking in tongues and the gifts of the Spirit. This little Baptist bus kid who only went to church on Sunday mornings for her whole church life to this point, was completely overwhelmed--and there was no explanation for any of it for those of us in the congregation who might not have known about these things. I'm glad ministers are now meeting the need for teaching even during the service about these experiences which may be unfamiliar to new ones attending.

During the early years of our marriage and for a long time afterward, going to church and its activities were what we did. We fellowshipped with our friends and extended family. We worshiped when there was a service.

We grew close to God.

Our church had revivals with visiting evangelists a few times a year. When it was time for service on those festive evenings, the atmosphere was expectant with anticipation of what the Lord would do in that night's service. It was a special time for the whole congregation. We invited our unsaved family, friends and acquaintances so they could hear the gospel one more time before the rapture of the church. Whose troubled child would come with his mother and get saved? Which woman's usually absent husband might go down to the altar and give his heart to God? Which of our sick, elderly brothers might get his healing and dance up the aisle?

The revival I best remember and with the most dramatic results was when Brother Gainus Murfree preached at at our church. Our small sanctuary was was packed with members and visitors. Many got saved, healed and filled with the Holy Ghost. The Spirit of God moved powerfully and there was dancing at the altar--but the Spirit also moved tenderly as both sisters--and brothers--cried quietly as they prayed to the Lord of Heaven for needs that only God understood and could meet. It was a two week revival, certainly not lengthy by old fashioned standards, but in the end 23 of us either got baptized or rebaptized at an afternoon service in a nearby lake. If I live to be 100, I don't think I'll ever forget that revival.

Church was where our family and friends were. Byron's parents, his brothers, sister and their families went to church there. We all sang in the choir and special singing group called the Ensemble. Choir practice was on Sunday afternoon before service and Byron's mother and his dad (up until he died) and Sister Griffin would sit at either end of the back pew and between them sat our collective 8 children ranging from 10 years to infancy. Sister Gloria also sat with Mrs Adams with her grandkids when the Ensemble sang because she played piano for the choir, not the special group. My girls are grown and have families of their own and they still remember the tiny goblets Gloria fashioned out of the silver part of a gum wrapper to help hold their attention. These ladies sacrificed their time and effort on Sunday afternoon to watch our kids for us, which allowed us to be involved in a special ministry we all loved.

Throughout the years we were there we wore many hats, as did just about everyone else. Byron had a church bus route and played softball on our men's league. I sang in the choir and ensemble and taught children's church. Byron and I cooked breakfast for the bus captains on Saturday morning before they went out to visit the children on their routes. There were Rock-a-Thons to raise money for our youth, Fall Festivals, canoe trips, Saturday night teen fellowships at the Bowman's house and many dinners on the ground.

The dinners on the ground were amazing! Until going to church there with Byron, I'd never taken part in this "heavenly" event! Sometimes we ladies set our tables up in the Fellowship Hall and other times we had tables underneath the trees at the parsonage next door. Our ladies were generous with their delicious offerings. Pot roast with potatoes and carrots, fried chicken, ham, macaroni and cheese, potato salad, cole slaw, field peas with bits of bacon, baby limas with ham and fresh corn off the cob, to name but a few! Just beyond the food table there was the dessert table with Mississippi Mud cakes, apple pies, chocolate cookies and a myriad of other tasty bites. I never got tired of sampling all those tasty dishes.

I remember the Spaghetti Dinner we held for a church family with a very sick daughter. The twelve-year-old girl had cancer and the expenses were mounting up tremendously for the parents. The Ladies Auxiliary cooked spaghetti with sauce, made salad and garlic bread and sold dinners for a few dollars apiece. We took orders and even made some deliveries to those who couldn't get to the church. We made dinner after dinner, all of us working so very hard to do a good thing for our good friends. The church kitchen was small with several women each trying to do a job in a different way. Tempers flared a time or two but mostly we got the job done. It was a long day and as the others washed pots and pans, I swept the floor. When I got to the door, I leaned a little on my broom and looked outside at the closing day, and in the middle of the chaos and spaghetti sauce I remember wishing that our labor, our effort, our hard work could do more than make money for the family. I wished that what we were doing would actually help our young friend get well.

These years weren't without trouble and turmoil. As with any family, there were problems. There were often issues and differences of opinion that brought division to our people. Many people were disappointed and hurt to the point of leaving our congregation to worship somewhere else. Hearts were broken and at times harshness and rigidity reigned, but no good can come out of rehashing the specific troubles of our former church now, so many years later. In thinking about the church's past, in combining the hard times with the good memories of fun and unity, we get a snapshot of the church's whole history--and they are both part of my history.

Last night, everywhere I looked brought back thoughts and scenes of those many years ago: my daddy and I walking down the center aisle. My hubby and I sitting on the right side of the building, 2nd or 3rd row end seats, as newlyweds and some months later, with our first child, Amy, and not too long after, our second daughter, Holly. I sang in the choir and I saw my girls play and pray at the altars at the front of the church. I saw the children of the church make their way to say hello to Brother Davis and his pocket full of peppermints. I made mistakes and tried hard to do better the next time. I listened to truth preached from the pulpit and I prayed to hear God's voice more clearly

I am blessed to have this rich Christian heritage. Except for the fact that churches are made up of human beings with faults and failures, I don't understand why some things were so difficult at times, but each and every thing has added to who I am and I believe that the Lord ultimately uses all things in my life for my good. I am deeply grateful for my former church and all those during my family's time there and makes for a precious walk through my memories.

Thank you, dear, dear Lord.

Suz

writing and fun

2011-03-28T00:28:00.023-04:00

I was 9 years old when I decided that my time walking the block to elementary school could be productive if I wrote poetry on my way to and from school. The problem was that I knew little to nothing about poetry. My daddy wrote light verse for Mom and us kids before he went to work each morning so that's what I thought poetry was all about. With my school-walking poem though, I never got beyond the first couplet because rhyming wasn't a strength of mine back then. I was stuck and didn't know how to get unstuck! Even as a child, I knew that creatively writing could be wonderful and satisfying though I couldn't yet get the hang of it myself.

Fifty years later, enter my wildly enthusiastic granddaughter who loves just about everything! She'd do it! I knew she would! I told Summer if she'd write a story, I'd post it on my blog for all my friends and our family to see--and she did it. She wrote a story for me and ultimately, for you all. The only changes I made were to add a couple of commas and quotation marks for clarity. Here it is in its entirety for your reading enjoyment.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Candy

Summer Loftin

(age 10)

I know for a fact that everyone LOVES candy! But has anyone ever been scared of it or at least think it's creepy in any way shape or form? Your probably thinking, "What the heck? This girl is crazy! I love candy and nothing will ever change that!"

Well, think again! After you read this story, you will say, "WOW! candy can be creepy after all." And I'll be the one doin' the runnin' man, sayin, "Oh yeah, suckers, I was right! WOOP! WOOP!"

So, once upon a time there was a girl named Penelopea. She loved candy so much she actually wanted to change her name to Sweet Tart Sally! Just Kidding! But she did love candy a whole lot! One day she was casually walking on a yellow brick rode when she spotted a huge lollipop with a hole just her size. So she climbed in and hoped for the best! She was surprised that when she fell it didn't hurt at all. When she realised where she was and what was fluffy and apparently she was sitting on cotton candy! And best of all she was in Candy Wonderland!

So she wandered and wandered all around until she saw that all of the candy around her had really mean, scary faces on! She was really scared and super upset! The only thing she could think of was, "Why are all these pieces of candy so mad at her?"

Apparently, she forgot to sign in at the front desk and they said they were not mad, just scared. They said they were sorry to frighten her and they lived happily ever after!!

So, you see, candy can be sort of scary.

I guess that wraps it up.

The End

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I love my little Summer, her story, and the Lord, The original Creator, for blessing me with three wonderful grandkids who are creative in their own unique ways.

Suz

walking in the dark

2011-03-19T23:52:00.008-04:00

I was watching Intervention tonight with my pups when the power went out. It's the first time we've lost power here in Alabama so I wasn't exactly sure what to do or who to call. Would it be a long time? What's the power outage phone number? Did burglars cut our lines? I had lots of questions as I sat in the darkness.

After about a minute I decided to check out the burglar thing by looking out the window. After all, it's a full moon tonight. I should be able to see them if they are messing around our house, right? I went to the door and opened the shade. Nope. Nobody there--and the power pole light was out too. Then, I decided I'd walk to the front windows to see if our neighbors had power.

Now, I knew the pups water bowl was behind the recliner and close to the futon...I KNEW it was there--but I hit it with my foot anyway and it spilled all over the floor and got the carpeting wet. Shoot! It figures. My next mission was to feel my way the short distance to the kitchen to get a kitchen towel to sop up the mess. That's what I get for meandering around in the dark--even though I thought there was enough moonlight was seeping through the slits in our blinds to do it safely. One can never have too much light for safety's sake. No power next door, but also no strange cars in our long driveway, either. Seems as though all was well on the western front--or whichever direction we're in.

Next mission. Find my IPhone for its light and look up the power company's phone number to report the outage since we didn't have a flashlight in the house. I didn't want to go hours on end waiting for it to come back on just because I didn't report it. I keep it in my purse and I usually drop my purse on the floor by my nightstand so I felt my way in there to find it. OK, found the table with no problem. Then, I bent down to grab my purse and when I did I whapped my mouth flatly on the corner of the nightstand. OUCH! Of course, I hollered and woke up Byron. It hurt like crazy! I could just see myself now, big honkin' swollen lip, bleeding all over the place, big blue ugly thing...

So, of course, by then Byron got up and found a type flashlight in his hunting backpack that shows blood trails when he's hunting. No regular flashlights in this house. I'm holding my mouth and shedding a couple tears heading for the kitchen table where I remembered setting my purse after we'd come in tonight. I'm digging in my purse, still holding my mouth, and he's chasing me with his light saying, "Hold still. Let me look at it. HOLD STILL!" But I've already left the table and made my way to my notebook with all my Alabama documents to find the outage line number.

"Come here! Let me look at it! Will you just stand still for a minute!"

"OK, here. Look! But be careful. It hurts so bad."

"I'm not gonna hurt you. Just let me see it."

"OK. Ow Ow Ow."

He looked at my lip and pronounced it "not bad at all." No blood. No cut. A little puffy on the inside but otherwise I'm in good shape. I'm torn. I'm glad I'm not an ugly mess, but after all, I've already endured the pain and now I don't even have a battle scar, a trophy, for this little adventure. While we're assessing the tiny bit of damage to my lip, the power comes back on and we have light and air conditioning once again. Yay!

Byron kept saying, "You just can't go wandering around the house in the dark like this." He doesn't know that I often move around the house with no lights on. Every night, when I get up to get some water, or inevitably go to the bathroom, I have no light. I know where I'm going and I never have a problem...at least I'd never HAD a problem until tonight. Light would have been the very thing I needed so I wouldn't have hurt myself.

His words got me thinking about my spiritual life. How many times have I thought I knew better about spiritual matters when what I really needed was Jesus' light on the issue? How often could I have had His wisdom and light in giving advice to someone but I decided I was OK without it? How many times have I fallen in my own strength when, if I'd only asked, I could have had His strength?

The Lord is light and in Him there is no darkness at all. Tonight's slightly bruised lip helped me remember something vitally important about the Lord in my life--I need His light everywhere, all the time.

Sometimes it's the smallest thing that brings to light the biggest truth.

Suz

my walk in the woods

2011-03-16T23:39:00.010-04:00

"C'mon. Let's go for a walk. I want to find the surveyor's pins on the corner of our property."

"I don't wanna go for a walk."

"C'mon. It's not a hard walk...the grade isn't too steep. It'll be an easy path."

"OK. I don't really want to, but I'll come."

So we walked. Up the hill. Over to the side of the hill. Up a little higher. It was, just as Byron said, an easy walk. As we moved northward I could see a huge valley between the two hills. Then I heard the creek down at the bottom of the valley. As small as it is, it sounded refreshing and inviting. I had never been this far down the creek before and I wanted to see it. I told Byron I was going down to the creek.

"It's a long way down there and pretty steep to climb back up."

"I know. But it's clear walking and I have lots of little hangy-on trees to help me come back up."

"You're gonna think "little hangy-on trees" when you start back up that hill."

"I'll be back!"

I worked my way down the steep hill. There was about a foot or so of leaf litter all over the ground and I had my Keds on--which aren't known for their gripping ability--so it was an adventure all the way down. Finally, I reached the bottom and it was beautiful. The creek is only about 6 ft across at the widest point and there were a couple of little falls that were very pretty. It's nothing spectacular, just a little creek in the middle of nowhere, but the music of the rushing water coupled with the sunshiney day and the cool breeze between the two high hills made it amazing.

I walked along the creek for a little bit and looked around enjoying the solitude. I felt safe because I knew at the top of the hill was my husband listening out for me if I should need help and I also felt fairly safe because despite being in the woods down a steep hill in a part of the woods I've never been before, I knew the way home. Home was just over the hill. It might take a little bit to get there, but I wasn't at all lost.

After a little while, I decided to make my return up the hill. It sure looked higher going up than I thought it would but I started up, and sure enough, I used the "hangy-on" trees occasionally as I walked. I had just about reached the top and Byron was only feet from me. As I stepped toward a clump of trees, I grabbed onto a skinny trunk. Just then, my right leg slid clean as a whistle, completely and totally into a hole! My right leg disappeared into the ground up to my thigh. There was nothing around my leg and my shoe wasn't touching anything inside the hole!

I didn't feel hurt so I didn't panick, but I yelled to Byron, "My leg's in a hole!"

That's when my protector-husband calmly yelled back, "Well, pull it out!"

Byron is an experienced woodsman so I figured if he wasn't alarmed, then I wouldn't be alarmed either. I pulled it out.

I checked myself out. My pants leg was a little dirty. My shoe was still on my foot. No ant bites. No bees nest in the hole. No water. No bugs. No worms. No scrapes. No bumps. No bruises. No nothing. I pulled myself up and walked up the rest of the way to Byron.

"There was NOTHING in the hole! Nothing! My foot touched nothing at all!"

"When trees die and rot out, they leave holes in the ground." Such a matter of fact kinda guy!

I was relieved that I hadn't been hurt and that I wasn't alone out there when it had happened. Byron and I laughed about it all the way back to the house--and every time I think about my adventure today, I laugh--mostly, because I'm relieved and so very grateful that I wasn't hurt in some freak mountain-woods accident. What if I'd broken my leg? Or, what if that hole had been big enough for BOTH my legs? I might have discovered another Ruby Falls--or disappeared into an abyss, forever gone. Can't you just see Byron trying to explain my disappearance to the police? HA!

When we've imagined all the possibilities of what might have happened, the "what-ifs" don't really matter. Although I will probably remember this day as the day my leg fell into the mountain hole, I will also remember the rushing water and solitude of the creek as that icy water ran freely over the little falls to who knows where. Most of all, when life is hard and I struggle with people, circumstances, finances, emotions and situations, I will remember that I am still never alone and home is just over the hill.

Suz

a happy heart

2011-02-26T00:07:00.011-05:00

If there's anything that's true it's that change is inevitable. Yep, change is the constant. Many years ago, we had a minister that often said, "If you don't like how things are now, just hang around and it will change soon." And it always did.

We're adjusting to some changes and some of them are a bit challenging, and I mention them merely as an observation--not as a complaint. The Lord has been so good to us, I've got NOTHING to complain about. Gotta love downsizing our expenses! We're giving up a few things, but nothing earth shattering at this point. I no longer have my IPhone with the internet constantly at my fingertips--and it seems odd to be even a little disconnected but I'm beginning to like it. I still have a phone, but just not all the bells and whistles.

We've also changed to a satellite tv company instead of cable and I no longer have a million channels with still nothing special to watch--although I do miss Jerseylicious. I know. I know. But I liked it! Olivia is my girl. Gotta love the underdog :) I still get to watch my eclectic group of favorite shows: Top Chef, Chopped, Hoarders, Animal Cops, Dogs 101, Judge Judy, Lockup, Bones and Law and Order, Criminal Intent reruns. I just love Bobby Goren. He's a crime fighting savant, for goodness sakes. Please, no comments about my selections. We all have our weaknesses and quirks :)

We are also considering and reconsidering purchases before making them now. Do we really need this? Is there something else we could use to make do? Can I borrow it or find it secondhand? Though we are making adjustments because of economic changes, the facts are that we have a comfortable home, clothing on our backs, a vehicle in good shape with fuel, a healthy family, fat healthy dogs, and we haven't missed a meal yet--but ultimately, we have a heavenly Father who loves us utterly and takes care of us completely. So, I cannot--I do not consider these changes bad. They're just different. Period.

I am reminded daily that this world is not the be all and end all for us Christians. Our hope lies not in the checkbook balance nor the toys we possess. Our hope lies in Christ alone.

"In Christ alone my hope is found He is my light, my strength, my song.
This Cornerstone, this solid ground firm through the fiercest drought and storm.

What heights of love, what depths of peace when fears are stilled, when strivings cease. My Comforter, my All in All here in the love of Christ I stand."

I don't know if our circumstances will change anytime soon, but I'm not worried. We are only passing through this place and will soon spend forever with the One who loved us even when we were so very unlovable.

Thank you Lord for your good care of us. You are our generous, loving Father who meets our every need. I have a happy heart. I love you.

Suz

Monday night fun

2011-02-23T09:08:00.006-05:00

What a great time! Our friends, Marsha, Odis, and their son Sam, along with Benny and Joyce came to our house last night for dinner and conversation. We’ve been on many short term missions trips together but haven’t all been together in quite some time–since Marsha and Odis moved to Alabama more than a year ago.

I cooked a good hearty meal of garlic chicken, rice, green beans and roasted veggies (yellow squash, brussel sprouts and carrots. We all ate till we were full. Dessert was pecan pie, berry pie and vanilla ice cream. I often get nervous cooking for my extended family–not for my children–but I never feel nervous when I’m cooking for these friends. I don’t feel insecure with them. When you’ve shared hardship and difficulty on a mission trip with someone, you know whether they are judgmental or not toward others. My friends are NOT critical or harsh. I can cook for them and they will enjoy the fellowship and the food. My plates can be paper to save work after the meal. My glasses can be mismatched. The girls will pitch in and help get the food on the table and then help me clean up after the fact. It’s what we do. It’s who we are. So I didn't stress about this meal, about this get together.

Conversation during dinner went from ethics, to finances, to wills, to memories of previous trips around the world. There was nothing boring about anything we talked about. Anyone can speak up. Any opinion is heard. Lightness is inserted whenever desired. Seriousness and silliness are both encouraged. We can be ourselves without fear of recrimination or ridicule. We like each other and it shows.

I feel so very blessed to have these people and other good friends in my life. They are my siblings, my friends. True friends. Thanks, Father. I love these ‘gifts!’

Suz

changes

2010-11-27T02:59:00.011-05:00

I thought several times this week about calling my mom and talking to her again...but before the thought is even complete, I let it go. My Mom died 3 years, 5 months and 10 days ago, on June 17, 2007. In the days before she found out she had cancer, we'd talk a lot around the holidays, mostly about cooking and recipes. We could discuss a good dinner and dessert!

Since Byron's unplanned early retirement, we are spending more time in Alabama and this year we celebrated a good Thanksgiving there with our eldest daughter, Amy, Lane and Sid and our good friends, while Holly and her family feasted with other family members in FL. It was different and even though we had a great time, I missed our usual get together with both our daughters and families.

My body is getting cranky. Walk across one field too many in the cold morning or wear the wrong shoes and it lets me know I've committed a great error that I will regret at 2 a.m. Eat right before bedtime and acid reflux will raise its ugly head. Plan too many things to do right in a row and my ability to multi-task becomes non-existent--either my brain can't--or won't--wrap itself around the list--and in which order to do them--or I just slow down to a crawl and don't come near to finishing them all.

My dog, Treasure, is having a problem with her hip. She's limping after laying in one position for a long time. There's nothing wrong with her foot. I checked. She's eleven years old, 69 in dog years, and I think she's just struggling to move around when she used to be so spry and lively as a pup--about 6 months ago. Right!

All these changes. Crazy, huh? I have a fifteen year old granddaughter! I have a ten year old granddaughter! I have an eight year old grandson! What happened? I didn't plan all this. They are growing up way too fast. Next time I blink they will be married with children of their own--if the Lord wills.

I've never been one who embraced change easily. Too many years ago, when I was a teen myself, I got upset when Pepsi Co put eight 16 oz bottles in a carton instead of the six they'd always had until then. Silly, I know, but I liked it the way it WAS and sometimes I still have trouble with changes. Oh, not so much the soda pop ones any more, but the big, life altering ones shake me up--like grandkids who are no longer my babies, painful legs in the middle of the night, limping dogs, unplanned retirement and the death of loved ones. These changes--these shifts in MY plans--have caused many fearful moments and not a few tears.

...Praise your God! He made your city secure, he blessed your children among you. He keeps the peace at your borders, he puts the best bread on your tables. He launches his promises earthward—how swift and sure they come! He spreads snow like a white fleece, he scatters frost like ashes, He broadcasts hail like birdseed—who can survive his winter? Then he gives the command and it all melts; he breathes on winter—suddenly it's spring! Psalm 147:12-18

I've been in the place where it seemed to be the middle of winter in the heat of July--when circumstances seemed bleak and disheartening and that the sun would never shine again. Sometimes I STILL feel this way. I was feeling especially overwhelmed by life changes when I found this section of verses, when I discovered that despite the depths of winter that HE allows, at His own command, it all melts and SUDDENLY IT'S SPRING! Winter may be here now, but summer is on its way. I may always struggle with change but with the Lord's breath on winter, it's going to be all right. The seasons will change. THIS season will change. What a relief!

Father, I'm so glad I'm not in charge. Even though I don't always understand your direction and choices for us, I know they are the best ones. There is one season I'm in right now that I wish would pass. Sometimes it's especially tough for me--like right now. I pray you will breathe on this winter and let it be spring. I love you so much and am trusting you for the answer to my prayer.

Suz

screaming ankles and cries for help

2010-11-21T03:06:00.007-05:00

I had a very busy day today. I spent much of it in my best athletic shoes, running up and down the porch steps and back and forth through an unfamiliar super Walmart. By bedtime my ankles were screaming!

I took something to relieve the pain and went to bed. After dozing and waking and turning over and over again--kinda like a rotisserie chicken--I finally told Byron I was getting up for a while--but before my feet actually hit the floor, in a split second prayer--I asked the Lord why I had to get up. He said I needed to answer a friend's request for prayer. I had intended to send her a letter in the morning, but the Lord showed me that I needed to encourage her NOW.

So, that's what I did. I got up and wrote to her but since it was so late, she may not get it until morning, but I feel like I did what the Lord told me to do. It makes me wonder how many other sleepless nights the Lord tried to show me something and I didn't hear it or see it. Now I wonder if I had even asked Him why I was awake.

What strikes me most about this event tonight is the Lord's compassion for his children. Yes, my ankles hurt badly--but He knows how much my friend needed to hear from her friend. Her cries for help touched the heart of God himself. Her pain moved the Lord to allow me a bit of misery so she could receive support from her friend.

I am so glad the Lord will get one of His children out of the bed to help another one. I'm sure there have been times He's done it for me. I pray that next time I can't sleep--for whatever reason--I will ask Him, "Why?" If I were a betting woman, I'd bet He'd tell me!

Father, thank you for having compassion on my good friend. Thank you for answering our prayers for her. Thank you for your total and merciful love. I love you with all my heart.

Suz

roses at midnight

2010-11-14T22:23:00.025-05:00

I was sitting out on my front porch tonight waiting for Treasure to potty one more time before bed when I noticed how beautifully my roses were blooming. They are pop-out roses...I think that's the name...and they bloom like crazy! Cut them back and it's only a few days before there are oodles of blooms again! They outdid themselves tonight!

Bloom after bloom, wide open--smelling great--smiling--just waiting for someone to notice them! They are amazing, and all this at night! In the dark with no one to smell them, to gaze on their beauty, to appreciate them--and yet they bloom on! I see them and smell them, but even I go back inside because it's late.

Why all this beauty with no audience? Why is there no one to applaud and appreciate them?

Then I realized that my roses have the best audience ever. Their fragile flower lives are not insignificant. The same Lord who designed them, painted their pretty pink petals, and gave them their sweet scent appreciates them fully because nothing the Lord does is insignificant.

In the same way, our lives are designed by God. He made me just like I am--with all my quirks...and qualities. Just as He selected the exact shade of pink for each petal of my roses and their specific scent, He chose which genes came together from my gene pool to make me exactly me--from my Bryant bone structure and body shape, to my mother's nose, or to my brain function (whether quick or slow). Each one was selected especially by God to create me. Whether I specifically like each one or not, they are part of who I am.

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you..."Jeremiah 1:5

Even though others may not always appreciate my characteristics...even though I may not always appreciate my uniqueness...He does. I am not a mistake and neither are you! He sees me--He sees us as we are through eyes of grace and mercy. His grace and mercy!

We are His roses, so whether I feel invisible or in the spotlight, insignificant and vulnerable or valued and worthwhile, whether I feel insufficient or content--even when no one else sees--I know that He sees me and appreciates me for who I am. I am His rose at midnight.

Father, None of us are insignificant to you. Thank you for your hand in our design and for your eyes on us, your roses. We are important to you and we bask in your light even in the darkness of midnight. I love you!

Suz

searching

2010-10-20T08:52:00.015-04:00

I've been blogging since Dec '06, and it's been more rewarding than I'd ever expected. When I started, I thought I'd write a few things and my family and close friends might read it, but I never thought anyone from another country would read what I'd typed. That is, until I put the Sitemeter on my page and found out they were reading what I'd written!

I am curious enough, or vain enough, to want to know where my readers are located. Sitemeter gives me lots of information, but no names, etc. It just lets me know where in the world my readers are. I love that those close to me are reading, but I have been constantly amazed that people all over the world are reading my blog.

Granted, there aren't a bunch of them, but over the last four years I have had readers in England, Ireland, Scotland, Sweden, and Thailand, as well as, Africa, Canada, Poland and New Zealand. Just in the last four WEEKS I have had readers in New Dehli, India, Phillipines, Turkey, Netherlands, Australia and New York City!

As far as I can tell, I don't personally know these readers, but EVERY ONE of them has one thing in common, and it's not that they love reading my blog because I'm famous the world over for my wit and wisdom. The common thread is that each one of them has searched Google for "peace of mind and heart, " or "how to find peace of mind and heart."

People the world over are shaken by the events of the day. There are floods, earthquakes, riots, financial ruin, catastrophic disease, and private emotional wars raging every moment of the day. Women and men are searching for what is lacking in their lives--stability, a firm foundation--protection in the midst of turmoil. Of course, we all want the storm, whichever one it is, to end, but we crave peace in the middle of what's raging, even more! We all do.

What did they find when they checked out my blog? Well, I have one post entitled "peace of mind and heart," dated January 16, 2008, and the first paragraph is,

John 14:27 "I am leaving you with a gift – peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give isn't like the peace the world gives. So don't be troubled or afraid. "

How like our loving Lord to send one troubled person here, another devastated person there, to the website of a small town, southern woman, where the first words of her post are His words of true comfort and security. Only He knows what that person is struggling with or going through. Only He can DO anything about her, or his, life struggles and troubles. The Lord promises us that when we seek Him we will find Him.

Peace of mind and heart. Peace--of mind. Peace--of heart. The Lord longs to give us what we so desperately need, so much so, that he directs a young Thai student, a Swedish mom of three kids, a middle-aged Phillipino teacher, or a Turkish shopkeeper to His Word of life typed in a blog from thousands of miles away. Now, that's a loving God, and it shows us all that He can even use seemingly insignificant resources to accomplish His desires!

We are to be salt and light and know that they will give the glory to God. Our savor will show His love for us and the world. His light in us will show Him to the world! Even if it seems so to you, what you do as a child of God is not minor. He will use it for His glory. He will make it more than we can ever dream or imagine.

Father, thank you so much for your attention to our cries for peace in a turbulent world. Thank you for loving us so much that you will stop at nothing to show us your love in practical ways. I pray that anyone who reads my simple words will see You in them. I pray for deep, abiding peace for us all, in You. Thank you. I love you so very much, Lord.

Suz

quiet time and peace

2010-10-14T21:18:00.009-04:00

The last month or so has been a whirlwind. We've been to Alabama a couple of times, Kayla has started going to community college and Byron's mom died about two weeks ago. It's been way too busy, full of new adjustments, and extremely emotional. Seems like there's no time to breathe, let alone decompress.

Some people don't like solitude or private time. For me it's a necessary thing. Without it I feel swamped with things to do--with things to think about. Sometimes I just need time to think--to unwind. To pray.

It's why I often stay up late at night. Byron goes to bed pretty early and Kayla goes to her room to do homework or whatever, I put the three pups to bed and I stay up. Sometimes I read, or research stuff on the internet, or check out friends on Facebook or just watch reruns of Law and Order. There's something calming about a quiet house. I don't have to take anybody with 4 legs and a tail outside to potty. I don't have to talk. I don't have to get up unless I want to get up. I put my mind in neutral and coast for a little while. I might think about a family issue or plans for the next few days or, if I do the best thing, I think about the Lord and talk to Him.

Those big issues, those family situations, they are the Lord's specialty. It can be hard to find someone to listen to your problems, or give you sound advice, but the Lord lives for this stuff--for these special times when we are troubled or vulnerable or just still enough to hear His voice. The Lord won't shout us down, in fact, He will do just the opposite. "Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me." Rev 3:20 The Lord politely knocks and waits to be invited in--to be included in our lives. Sometimes I struggle with behaving politely...HA! I know you all are saying, "Well, YEAH!" But Jesus never bullies or yells or coerces anyone to spend time with Him. That's why it's so very special when we are alone with Him. We have His undivided attention. He listens to us. He gives us the best advice there is. He loves us enough to help us, but also enough to tell us the truth, not only about how to handle a problem but also how to handle ourselves and our shortcomings. He doesn't brow beat us down. He is the light and he simply shines on our path, on our heart, and shows us where we need to move up, to do better. There are so many places his light shines on my life and I need the down time to see them--to make plans to change them. To change them.

We all need work. There's not a one of us who is perfect in practice yet. Oh, but one of these days! I try hard most of the time to genuinely do well--to do the Lord proud. To walk in the place of peace and contentment and kindness. Sometimes, I'm there and I love it. Other times, not so much. I'm crabby and irritable and occasionally just plain mean. Yep. Mean. Not Christlike at all. Those are my most miserable days because I want so much to be better than this. I long for the best the Lord has for me, and being grumpy won't cut it. So I pray. I ask Him in and I ask the Lord to make me more like Him. I believe He will because spending time with him changes me. He changes me. It's a good thing.

My whirlwind will continue for at least the next couple of weeks--probably longer. And, I'll stay up late for time with Jesus because I won't find what I really need online or on Law and Order reruns. Knowing that he's my answer.--that He'll make a difference in my life. He's the peace I need.

Father, Thank you for your peace. Thank you for quiet time and opportunity to decompress. Thank you for knocking at my door and for guiding me in your way. I need YOUR way. I love you. Help me hear you and do what you say.

Suz

mom to mom

2010-09-16T23:47:00.005-04:00

I've fallen down in a big way in getting to know my neighbors. Our neighbor's son died this week of a heart attack. He was 37 years old and used to wait on the school bus with our girls as kids. I took some food to the family yesterday and talked with the mom for just a few minutes and she let me pray for her and her family, but I don't really know her even though we've lived a few houses away from one another for nearly 30 years.

I knocked on the door and was invited inside where she and her other son watched a little television--passing the hours, the minutes. She seemed peaceful in her recliner as she held her coffee in one hand and tightly grasped my hand with the other. As I prayed for her, her grip grew tighter and afterward her gaze on me was strong. Not uncomfortably so, just intense--mom to mom.

I asked her a few questions about Paul. He'd already had a heart attack once before and open heart surgery. It was the second one that was fatal. His mom said he didn't want to die in the hospital. She said he wanted to be at home when it happened. I told her, "There's nothing wrong with that."

My visit was a short one. I didn't really know what more to say after praying. She thanked me for the food and I walked out the door and down the street back to our house.

Her quiet demeanor, her pain, her gaze, spoke volumes to me--deep unto deep. I can't get her off my mind and I've prayed for her often since yesterday. I don't know how mothers let their children go--even in death where there is no choice but to release them.

My heart breaks for her. Her tragedy pulls at me. I am so very sorry she is going through this--this neighbor, this stranger who lives a few houses down. Life can be so hard, so devastatingly and so unutterably sad. I pray her son was a Christian. I pray the Holy Spirit will comfort this grieving mother.

I pray I will be a better neighbor.

Lord, help me be your hand extended more than ever before. You've never let me down. I love you more than words can say.

Suz

family and Friday night

2010-09-11T22:47:00.006-04:00

Our kids came over on Friday night for a family dinner. Something we haven't done in a while. Seems like it's been crazy lately with everything and getting together just hasn't happened. See, the thing is that getting together never "just happens." It's got to be scheduled in, planned and done deliberately. It's worth it to make the effort. We had a great time! I can't wait till we can do it again.

We didn't do anything fancy. I grilled some chicken and cooked a few side dishes. Amy brought a great salad with all the yummy accoutrement and Holly made a fantastic Not Yo' Mama's Banana Pudding for our dessert. All together, it was delicious meal! But the best part was having us all together. The girls and I laughed and talked about recipes, etc., the guys talked hunting, property, etc., and the younger ones chased chickens, carried chickens, and watched tv, while Hannah goofed off with us older girls and drove the golf cart around.

Each time I got close to one of my grandkids, I hugged and held on tight, whispering to her...or him...how much I loved each one. How glad I was to have them at my house. These children are my heart. I have missed them tremendously. I didn't want to let them go. As the evening progressed I thought about how blessed Byron and I are. I wouldn't change anything about my girls, their husbands or their children. This is the family God has given us. They are a perfect fit and I am grateful for them all.

And that's it. There's no huge story to tell. Nothing overtly exciting happened. We got together, ate a great meal, and enjoyed the evening. And for this, I am humbly grateful.

Father, thank you. Thank you! You are good to me. You are good.

Love,

Suz

real strength

2010-08-28T21:38:00.012-04:00

I never considered myself physically strong as a kid. An athlete, I was not. I couldn't hit a softball very far. I wasn't a fast runner. I was a lousy arm wrestler. I also never considered myself to have a strong personality either. I wasn't popular in school with a grand following of friends, and when I tried to boss my siblings around they never listened to me. I know. I know. But it was all very frustrating anyway. I hated feeling vulnerable and powerless. I hated feeling weak.

There was a season of time though, in my 30's and 40's and early 50's when I was physically strong and mentally determined to do whatever necessary to handle whatever task was set before me. I had a husband and younger children that needed taking care of and I did it. During those years I worked part time jobs, taught children's church, took painting classes, volunteered full time at our church's food pantry, went to Vo-Tech and earned a certificate in Data Processing, and then earned my BA in English, with honors. I didn't strut around like Wonder Woman thinking I was invincible and able to leap tall buildings in a single bound, it's just that when I had a project or job to do, the necessary strength and energy to do it were there. They were always available for the job.

One benefit of accomplishing some of these things is that during that time I became more confident in who I was...who I am--enter more 'strength.' But, as the birthdays pile up, I find myself feeling more and more physically vulnerable. I still can't run worth a flip and I'm still a lousy arm wrestler. At nearly 58 yrs old, I doubt that's going to change much. There was a split second that I considered going on to earn my MFA in Creative Writing but I think that window is closed for the time being. I don't have the desire...I don't have the energy to do it right now. I need my go-get-em for other things, other projects, other dreams to reach for before my time here is through.

That's another thing I think about because of my age. I wonder how much time I have before the Lord calls me home. Now, don't get all goosey on me. I'm not being morbid. The fact is, I know a lot of people my age and older who are still thriving and doing well, but I have already read too many obits of classmates, acquaintances, friends and family who were about my age not to notice it. I'm just being practical. I want my years, however few or many, to be about the important stuff. I want to be walking in fellowship with the Lord so close that I don't make foolish missteps that cost precious time with Him. Enter real vulnerability.

Lately, I find that when I let down my guard and allow myself to be genuinely vulnerable with my Father, peace flows like a powerful river in my heart, steady and sure. Trust grows. Prayers become less of me telling Him exactly how I'd like Him to fix something and more of me bring my concerns to Him and asking Him to do what is best--in His own way. My confidence is still there, but it's confidence in my Father and His wisdom, not in my own. My resources are still available but they are in Him. Our bodies are made to grow up, be strong, grow old, then weaken. Our spirits are made to mature and discover our true strength is not in ourselves, but in the Lord, and our vulnerability, our powerlessness, and our weakness all show His strength. For when I am weak, He is strong.

Jesus loves me this I know. For the Bible tells me so.

Little ones to Him belong, they are weak but He is strong.

I love being one of His little ones.

Lord, let me always be weak--be vulnerable--with you. I need your strength, your wisdom and your direction. Thank you for caring about me...about us, your children. You are good. I love you.

Suzanne

the continuum

2010-08-13T23:53:00.002-04:00

This is the last of the posts on my dad for a while. Though not nearly perfect, he was our family's champion. He was a loyal man and generous to a fault with acceptance and tolerance of others. I hope you have enjoyed meeting him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I've written a few stories about my dad but there are many more interesting things about him. For example, he was a TV repairman when sets had tubes and he was also a meat cutter. The TV repairman job didn't work out as well as he had hoped, so he was mostly a meat cutter. When he'd cut himself at work, which was often, he'd take himself to the Dr's office, get stitches then come home early. Then, when it was healed he removed his own stitches. Ewww. I was grossed out, but I still loved to sit at the kitchen table and watch him clip the threads and pull them out of his hand. His white shirts were always bloody from the meat market but that was just the norm for our house.

He wasn't much of a hunter but once in a while he'd go with Uncle Bill. One time he got a pheasant and brought the foot home to me. He showed me how to pull the tendon at the top, so the foot would close and grasp. I brought it in for show and tell.

I was a hit.

My classmates were amazed. I kept the foot in my desk in a Whitman's Sampler candy box with my other treasures the rest of the school year.

That's another thing. For every birthday, holiday and anniversary, Dad brought Mom a Whitman's Sampler. She loved it. We did too because she always shared with us. Of course, she always got to choose her favorite piece first.

When he left early for work before we got out of bed, he wrote poems to Mom and us with his red meat marking pen on the laundry cards that came out of his shirts. They went something like this:

Good morning to you, my beautiful wife
and my darling daughters three.
I have get out and go to work
so I'm not here, you see.
So have a good day
while the sun shines bright,
it won't be too long
and I'll see you tonite.

He was also given some pigeons which he kept in our large garage out back. He wasn't much of a keeper though--not very tidy--and the whole mess turned into a 2 1/2 car bird house. Yes, it's as bad as you imagine it was. ICK!

For each of several, icy Michigan winters Dad spent one freezing cold night making us an ice skating rink out of most of our backyard. He'd carefully bank the snow for the rink. Then he'd fill it with a layer of water, wait a couple of hours till it froze and fill it again. In layers. He explained if it was frozen in layers, there would be no pockets of water to pit and it would be stronger and smoother this way. Layer after layer, it would take him all night to complete it. We were the only kids in our neighborhood with our own ice skating rink in our back yard.

In the nearly 20 years since my dad died I have recognized some similarities between us. Curiosity, a quick temper and a mischievous gleam in my eye have gotten me into trouble more than once, and when I feel that golden itch to understand or learn something new, or I speak too sharply or I tease my granddaughters until they laugh at me, he's there. And sometimes, when the weather cools and the holidays hover, I walk outside at night and I see my dad sitting on top of the picnic table waiting for me to return home from a date. He's smoking a cigarette, looking at the stars in the clear, black skies, listening for the panther's scream.

my dad and cars

2010-08-13T09:36:00.001-04:00

I was fourteen when we moved from the suburbs of Detroit to sixteen acres in rural, central Florida. We went from walking to school and neighborhood stores, to school buses and needing a car for every activity away from home. Instead of a gang of kids in our neighborhood around for play we had two teenage girls as our only nearby peers. There was a huge culture shock for my younger siblings and me but my dad had been raised in the north Georgia mountains and was in his country-style element. There were orange trees and two small lakes on our property and the undeveloped area was populated by possums, raccoons, snakes, hawks and even a Florida panther. My dad spent most of his off work hours exploring fields and back roads in his 1960-something red Chevy Bel-Air.

Mom always said when my dad got his hands on a car that no one else could ever drive it. When anything broke, he fixed it, but his way of fixing it was to rig it. The trunk didn't have a keyhole. It used to be a key hole. Now it was just a hole. He had a pair of vice grips in the floor of the back seat that he used to open it.

Groceries never went into the trunk when Mom used it to go shopping. They were lined across the back seat and in the floorboard because even if she could have maneuvered the vice grips to open the trunk, it was loaded with one of every tool my dad owned. There were also rolls of electrical tape, pieces of wire, tins of grease, quarts of oil and brake fluid in there. Just in case he needed it.

My dad wasn't known for being a particularly focused driver. He liked to 'sightsee.' One afternoon I saw him walking down our long, sandy driveway toward the house. He had to walk home because his car was in a ditch just down the road at the s-curve. He'd been chasing a snake across the road with his car and hadn't noticed where he was headed. His car was soon nose down in a small ravine on the side of the road.

One night after Byron and I returned to my house at my midnight Saturday night curfew, my dad met us at the door.

"B. You in a hurry to go home?"

"No, Mr. Bryant. What do you need?"

"I was driving around in the back by the lakes while a go and got stuck. It's up to the axle. Can you go with me to help me get my car out?"

Looking for any chance in the world to stay later at my house, Byron said he'd be glad to help get it out.

My dad, Byron and I went trekking out into the darkness with a flashlight and a shovel. We started walking down the path toward the lakes in the back and discovered we didn't need the flashlight because the moonlight shone nearly bright as day. I was sixteen and desperately in love so I held tightly to my guy as we traveled into the night. I stumbled, tripped and complained, making Byron also stumble and trip as we made our way off the trail into the high grasses to my dad's car.

When he'd heard enough of my complaining my dad said,

"If you'd let go of the man's arm, you could walk, Suzanne!" Patience wasn't exactly his strong suit when he was focused.

We reached the car and the two of them worked together in the bright moonlit midnight to free the thing from its sandy trap. Our ride home was jubilant and wild. We bounced all over the car as my dad drove us through the field to get us back to the house.

my chameleon

2010-08-12T01:37:00.002-04:00

Pets weren't welcome and never fared well in our home when we were kids. We had a few kittens and I vaguely remember a couple of dogs way back when. The kittens developed a fatal affinity for hiding behind or sitting on top of our car's wheels and my mother routinely backed over them. My dad always buried the dead animal quickly and we children never saw them. If we cried when we "lost" another cat, we were sternly admonished by Mama.

"Stop it. It was only an animal."

My mother lashed out to cover the painful feelings that overwhelmed her. She never opened up very much and hid her vulnerability well. So, as a good daughter, I accepted her declarations, hid my sadness, and stifled any affection I might have had for pets. My mother once stayed upset for a long time after being the accidental executioner once again and declared that none of us kids would ever have another pet. And, we didn't--until my chameleon.

My dad bought it for me at the Michigan State Fair. He had taken us kids to the fair to give mom a break. The lizard and a small box of meal worms for food cost $1.25. The 4-inch creature had a thread tied loosely around his neck which, at the other end, was attached to a tiny gold safety pin used to secure him to my clothes. A leash and collar combo. He wasn't furry and cute like a kitten and I wasn't sure I wanted the little reptile attached to my shoulder. I didn't know anything about them. I wondered about biting and peeing. Sure, his ability to change colors to match whatever I was wearing was interesting, but it was my dad's excitement about the little guy's talent that sealed the deal for me.

After my initial hesitation, I proudly wore him around the fair that evening while his hue ranged from the bluish-green of my sweater to the red in the plaid of my blouse. I delighted in the stares and comments of the other fair-goers when they noticed him on my shoulder. I felt special. I felt brave.

Dad hadn't said anything to me but we both knew my mom wouldn't like it. The animal was too slithery and snakelike for her and she was terrified of snakes. When we got home that night, as my dad's co-conspirator, I proudly showed my mom my new present anyway. She had then what she called a "blue-nosed hissy" when I showed her my little green lizard.

She jumped back in fright, glared at me and through clenched teeth said,

"OH GOD! Get that thing out of here!"

The she went after Dad.

"MACK! What's the matter with you?"

I thought she was going to kill him. He tried to calm her down.

"C'mon, Bobbie. Just look at him."

He smiled, cajoled, and tried to sweet talk her into it. With his every ounce of boyish charm he worked hard to win her over. He cupped my lizard in his hand and tried to coax my mom into seeing how harmless it was. His eyes were full of mischief when he said,

"Look at his cute, little, pointy face and his cute, little, pointy tail."

She wouldn't have any part of it. Even with our smiling, sincere assurances that her fears wouldn't be realized and he would not "get loose in her house and scare her to death," she came completely unglued about the thing. She didn't want any creature surprises.

After much pleading, begging and even a few tears from me, she gave up and said she'd let us keep him if we promised her he'd stay in a cage down in the basement. Out of her sight. Which we did until he died 6 weeks later of natural causes. Or neglect.

As parents, Byron and I had various pets for our children in our home over the years; several dogs (including a pitbull), cats of various types such as a pregnant calico and huge male Siamese, and a little parakeet that was passed around from our house to my mother-in-law's to Holly's house because he was a very messy bird. Fun, but messy. Each one has been without emotional ties for me until eleven years ago. That's when one Christmas I deliberately determined to unpack my stifled affection for animals and learned to lavish it on a feisty, chocolate brown Chihuahua named Treasure.

my black patent leather shoes

2010-08-11T00:15:00.003-04:00

I wore the black patent leather Mary Jane dress shoes to church every Sunday when I was eleven years old. I loved those shoes. I had gotten them for Easter, but it wasn't too long after I got them that the sole came loose from the top of the shoe and the side of my foot started sticking out of them. I knew we couldn't afford more new shoes right then, so I showed them to my dad on Saturday night before church the next morning.

He looked at my shoe and we went to the basement to fix it. I watched and asked questions at every step. He talked while he worked cleaning off each side of the opening in my broken shoe. He mixed the epoxy with its catalyst, explained catalysts to me, and carefully spread the mixture thinly over the openings. Then he placed a piece of cloth around the shoe before putting it into the vise so the vise wouldn't mar the shoe. The vise would hold the joint securely overnight until the glue could set.

The next morning while I was getting dressed for church he brought me the repaired shoe. It looked as good as new to me. My shoe only stayed together for a few hours while I was at church but I wasn't worried about it anymore. I knew he'd fix it again for me the next week.

He fixed it every Saturday night until I got a new pair.

the storm

2010-08-09T23:10:00.003-04:00

Once in a while I dream about my dad and he's always well and happy. When I wake up I feel cheerful. He had the same effect on me when he was alive. He'd tell me a joke or an interesting animal fact he'd read or he'd try to poke me in the ribs because he knew I was ticklish. I depended on my dad to help me with my algebra homework in high school and he was the one who waited up for me when I went on a date on Saturday night. He was a peaceful man and he liked to sit outside after dark and just be quiet. Sometimes I'd sit with him and we'd listen to the night.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Storm

I was eight years old and it was a Saturday at the turn of autumn in Michigan. It had been a drippy gloomy day but the weather turned worse in the early afternoon with strong winds, sharp lightening and lots of thunder. Passing my dad in the hallway of our small tract home, I made myself tell him I was afraid. We weren't supposed to give into our fears. Mama said it was silly and I didn't want to be a baby.

Dad stopped, thought for a moment, and ran his hand through his receding black hair. He looked at his own closed bedroom door. He knew then and I found out years later that my mother was lying across their bed with her arms over her head and her face buried into the bedspread, trying not to give into her own stormy fears.

"Come with me, Suzanne. I want to show you something."

He led me to the tiny bedroom I shared with my two younger sisters. He sat down on the edge of the roll-away bed I shared with six year old Karla and I sat on four year old Kathy's twin bed. He raised the wooden sashed window over the book laden table. I leaned on the table with my elbows toward the open screen and felt the cool breeze and rainy mist whoosh across my small, round face.

"Feels good, doesn't it,? he asked.

"Yeah."

Lightning flashed, thunder boomed, and I jumped. He looked at me through his thick black framed glasses.

"Did you see the lightning bolt? Did you notice how crooked it was when it flashed and then how it trailed across the sky?"

"It was real white, too," I said. I was very helpful.

"What about the thunder? Did you hear how full the rumble sounded? It was like it wrapped around the whole world. It sounded like drums," he said.

He pointed toward a large Maple tree in the center of our postage stamp sized front yard.

"Watch as the strong older tree stays straight and lets its branches whip around in the wind. Now, see the flexible young maple by the street bow down as the wind passes through here?"

I didn't say much as we watched. His voice was low but enthusiastic about the scene in front of us as he fed me child-sized bites of the storm.

The rain started coming down harder in great sheets across the small porch and sidewalk in front of the house.

"Suzanne, see the patterns of the rain over there on the street?"

I watched traveling sheets of water move from our yard to the street where they collided with other sheets of rain., Then they bunched up and disappeared down the drains under the curb of the street. When the next lightning flash lit up the sky and the next roll of thunder crashed, my eyes flew to Dad's face. His contented gaze didn't change as the storm raged. Taking my cues from him, I didn't jump at the next flashes and rolls. I now asked, "Daddy, did you hear that?" and said, "Oh, Daddy. Look at that one!"

I don't know how long we sat there as he pointed out the ragged, earthy beauty of the day's storm and I don't know where my little sisters were. I can't say how long my mother hid out on their bed, but I do remember my utter lack of fear when he closed the window.

my dad

2010-08-07T22:25:00.006-04:00

I've been thinking about my dad a lot because today, August 7, is my dad's birthday. Had he lived he would have been 84 yrs old, but he died in 1990. John Mack Bryant, Jr., was not a perfect man. He was not a perfect dad--but he is the father that the Lord gave me. I have his genes in my body and despite his imperfections and because of his qualities, I am grateful to the Lord for him.

My dad was a good provider for his family. Not always well, he went to work anyway to supply food, shelter and clothing for us. He was humorous and good hearted. He looked for the deeper things in our everyday experiences. He loved nature and living things and he had reverence for our ancestors. He respected the rights and feelings of others.

He loved us and he loved my mama. Oh, how he loved my mama! It makes me smile just to think of them together. My mother was frazzled--a lot. A mostly stay at home mother with 4 children under 10 years old, I'd be frazzled too. She was often cranky but Daddy didn't pay it much mind. He'd love on her, tease her, hug her or even give her a good natured goose once in a while. I can still her her cry out, "Mack! Stop that!" We'd all laugh, even Mama.

As I thought about him today I couldn't help but wish I'd taken more time with him. He had so much to tell me about himself, our family, about life, but I was young and way too busy with my family and my little girls. I thought little about those other things. I thought I would have lots of time with him. It didn't work out the way I'd expected.

I do have some wonderful memories with him though. I wrote them down a few years ago and will post them one at a time for the next few days from my other memoir blog, Suzwrites.blogspot.com. The posts will start out of sequence because it's Byron's and my 40th wedding anniversary tomorrow so I am going to post the one about our wedding day first. The others will be in order.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Our Wedding

It was a hot, Florida Saturday night in August 1970. Byron was twenty-one years old and I was almost eighteen. The small town Church of God was comfortably full with nearly a hundred people the night we married--more than we usually had in our regular Sunday morning service.

White wicker flower baskets overflowing with daisies were placed near the two cascading candelabras at the front of the church. The glow of candles and dimmed lights softened the harsh angles of the rectangular sanctuary.

My sparkling white wedding dress with long sleeves, chiffon and lace inserts at the neckline and intricate beading , sequins and lace flowers interspersed over the length of the dress--all for $99.00 plus tax, at JC Penny--was the most beautiful dress I'd ever put on in my life.

As an adult, I now understand that despite our family's lack of saying "I love you," or telling one another our deepest feelings, that for my dad, when he calmed my fears, explained catalysts, fixed my shoes, or bought me lots of beautiful, but affordable daisies for my wedding he was showing me concrete expressions of his love.

The minister stood at the front of the church with the groomsmen all in place as my attendants promenaded down the center aisle. After my girlfriends and my sisters found their places, the organist's majestic-sounding music signaled everyone to stand and watch me walk down the aisle with my dad.

My parents had been surprisingly easy about our decision to marry at such a young age. When I told my mother what we were planning, there were no shocked reactions or arguments and only one requirement; I had to graduate from high school. The night Byron asked my dad for permission to marry they talked a long time about jobs and money and places to live. Both my parents had confidence in Byron to be a good husband to me.

Marrying at only seventeen should have scared me, but it didn't. Maybe I wasn't scared because I was seventeen and thought I knew everything anyway. I know now that marrying so young is the boldest and at the same time the most naive thing I've ever done.

I was sure I wanted to be with Byron and maybe it was because I saw some similarities between him and my dad. Opposites in most ways, they both displayed fierce loyalty to family and held great respect for the feelings of others. Despite my desire to marry him that night, queasiness overtook my stomach and my dry lips stuck together. My knees wobbled at the thought of being the center of this huge amount of attention.

The double doors opened.

It was show time.

Panic-stricken I looked into my dad's eyes, slipped my arm into his and we took a step together into the church. I said,

"I'm scared."

He smiled his crooked smile, comically raised his bushy eyebrows over the black glasses frames and said,

"Let's go, Suzanne."

We went.

As we took another step or two he bent his head down near mine and whispered into my ear,

"Look around to the left side of the church and then to the right. See all the people you know?"

I smiled and nodded to him.

"They're here because they want to see you and Byron tie the knot."

Until that moment I'd only seen faceless bodies--a nameless crowd--and it had unnerved me, but when I saw my Sunday School teacher, Mrs Bowman, my best friends from school, Rose and Alice and my sisters Kathy and Karla as my bridesmaids and all my family smiling at me, trying to catch my eye as we walked, I knew I had nothing to be afraid of. These people were my friends and family. They liked me. I returned my smiles and beamed at my dad. He only knew our immediate family there that night yet he basked in the moment proud to escort his eldest daughter to be married. We both enjoyed our stroll down the aisle.

Dad whispered to me as we walked,

"Look at Byron down there. He looks scared."

I saw Byron at the altar as he watched my dad and me walk toward him. I leaned in and whispered ,

"He's not smiling, is he?"

Byron wasn't smiling but time has proven that what we'd called fear wasn't fear at all, but solemn commitment. Dad and I shared another smile and walked a few more slow steps.

We reached the rest of the wedding party and my dad fulfilled his role of,

"Who give this woman to be married?"

He took his seat next to my mother in the pew. The ceremony proceeded, we promised to love and honor, I promised to obey, and Byron and I were pronounced man and wife. Forty years ago today.

We attended the same church for many years afterward so I know the building is small and I'm certain the aisle is short--perhaps only forty-five feet to the front--but that night, walking and talking with my dad, it was exactly as long as I needed it to be.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tomorrow: The Storm

reunions

2010-08-03T22:45:00.015-04:00

There have been lots of talk and email communication about reunions lately. It's the year of my fortieth, read the big 4-0 year high school reunion. Good grief! I can't even type it without holding my breath a little. I absolutely cannot fathom that I've been out of anything for forty years. (We won't even mention Byron's and my 40th wedding anniversary this Sunday. It's a wonderful thing but there's NO WAY I'm old enough to be married 40 years! I must've been promised at birth. But that's a whole other post :)

All this reunion stuff has allowed me to reconnect with people I knew way back when. Some I knew well and some not so much, but I'm finding out that many that I didn't know are very nice people. Facebook has allowed sharing of current and past photos and quick comments and notes that we might not have had the opportunity to share with one another. I'm liking this reconnecting thing. It makes the world seem just a little cozier and the past not so very far away.

I like reunions of all sorts. There are the formal, planned-for get togethers with family and friends and there are also those little ones that sneak up on us at Publix or the mall when we run into someone we knew from a very long time ago. There are also those that happen at the funeral home when someone dies. Each type is sweet, or bittersweet, in its own way. We get together. We reminisce. We cry. We laugh. We reconnect with the past and one another.

All this recollecting and thinking about what 'was' makes me think about the best reunion of all--the one after this life is over. There are times now when for a split second I think I'll phone my mother--but before the thought is complete, I realize it's impossible. I want to sit down with my mom and talk with her again. I can't believe she's gone and I miss her terribly. Then, there's my dad and Uncle Bill whom I also miss so much. I'd love to visit with the grandmother I never met or introduce myself to Hannah who, in the Old Testament, gave her little boy Samuel to the priests to be raised for the Lord.

What about the best one ever...Jesus! To sit at His feet without a tear in my eye, a pain in my body or a care on my heart will truly make it Heaven. What a time that will be! I don't know how I'll behave. Will I sit still and bask in His presence? Will He put me at ease and let me ask Him questions? I have no idea except that it will be amazing!

I can hardly wait! To be free from this sad, sin sick world, loosed from this frail, human flesh and in the presence of the Lord forever is the best thing I can think of! I get excited about Heaven when I realize that even though I can imagine Heaven, I have no idea of the depth of the the Lord's creativity there. What we do know for sure is that the Lord is preparing us a place with Him.

John 14:1- 3 Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am."

Where Jesus is, so will Heaven be! I can't imagine it good enough! Now, that's something to think about!

"What a day that will be,

when my Jesus I shall see.

When I look upon His face

The one who saved me by His Grace,

When He takes me by the hand

And leads me to the promised land.

What a day, glorious day,

That will be."

Father, thank you for who you are--our kind, loving Father who takes good care of His children. I love you.

Suz

peaceful porch moments

2010-07-28T23:55:00.011-04:00

I let the chickens out of the coop this evening so they could peck around for a while and the first thing they all did was to run to the side of the house so I couldn't see them. I didn't run after them, although they have been known to follow the fence line down to the street, pecking and pawing at the ground for snacks and treats. But, I did make an effort to move that way.

I shooed them closer up toward the house and sat on my front porch swing. I expected them to stay there and eat all the goodies but they just weren't content. It was probably Redhead, that rotten rooster. I'm not afraid of him because he's all bluster and part showman, but he's sooooo mean that I don't want him anymore. He's really mean to my hens and I can't stand to put them through the torture any longer. My friend, LB, found the rascally rooster a nice home on 200 acres somewhere not too far away at her friend's house. He gets his new home on Friday morning. Anyway...

The chickens moseyed around back and I just stayed on the swing enjoying the early evening cool down. It was peaceful. I started to sing an old song written by Dottie Rambo that I hadn't thought of in a very long time. I wasn't loud--after all, I was sitting on my front porch and I wasn't so sure how well my neighbors would have liked an evening serenade by me.

As I sang:

Amazing grace shall always be my song of praise,

for it was grace that brought my liberty;

I do not know just why He came to love me so,

He looked beyond my fault and saw my need.

I shall forever life mine eyes to Calvary,

to view the cross where Jesus died for me,

how marvelous the grace that caught my falling soul;

He looked beyond my fault and saw my need.

all my hens and that mean old rooster, Redhead, slowly peeped around the other end of the house. Without his arrogance and nasty attitude, Redhead led his hens to the swing where I was sitting, singing softly. They moved in closely and stayed there on the porch with me as I sang. They looked at me. They seemed to listen to me and probably wondered what I was doing. After all, I'd never sung to them before. (Who knows what a chicken thinks?)

It was a nice moment, a peaceful moment, just the Lord, my chickens and me on a quiet Wednesday evening thinking and singing about God's grace. After a little while, they quietly moved along to the other side of the house and to the backyard, heading for the safety of their coop. And, that's what happened on my evening chicken watch. There was nothing outwardly earth shattering and certainly no huge epiphanies to shout out to the world on Oprah but I love when the Lord speaks peace to me in that still small voice. Now, that's earth shattering and life changing.

Lord, thank you for those sweet, tender moments that reach in directly to us and pull us closer to Your heart. I think the chickens liked it. I know I loved it!

Suz

singing and dancing

2010-07-25T23:08:00.005-04:00

When our girls were young, about 10 and 8 yrs old, they put on plays for their dad and me on Sunday afternoons. Their favorite was Little Red Riding Hood. They had a small record player (yes, record player) and a 45 record that they'd set it up in the living room and play "Little Red Riding Hood," by Sam the Sham and the Pharaohs. Yup. The very ones.

They'd put the record on and then act out the story song in play form. It was fun for them and funny for us. They worked hard getting all their props and Amy was the bossy one who'd direct the whole show and both she and Holly would act out the story. Byron and I would sit and watch their efforts, sometimes over and over again. They worked on their acting skills and their timing. We loved their creativity and diligence in doing it over and over and over again. OK, sometimes we got a little tired but we mostly loved it. We loved it because they gave it their all. They practiced. They set up. They performed. Truth is, it was fun!

By Hollywood or Broadway standards, it wasn't a perfect performance. No Oscars or Tony's given around here. They were regular little girls playing in our regular little home for their regular parents. No stars. No reporters. No limelight. And we loved it! Our girls worked hard on something and gave us the gift of entertainment. It pleased us to watch and accept our girls' gift to us.

So, we're at church tonight and our young people had charge of the service. The lights were turned down lower than normal and the music is mostly different with a little of our familiar stuff with it. I didn't know some of the songs but it's all right because they post the words on the screen and they aren't hard to follow. The lyrics are beautiful and worshiping is easy. One of the young girls played and sang and she did a wonderful job. It was soulful and lovely. Our youth pastor, Pastor Shaun, preached and the message was timely and on target for the whole congregation. The message was about talking to the Lord first and then getting busy about His business. Pastor Shaun stressed that we need to spend more private time with the Lord before we strike out to tame the world and work for Jesus. It was a wise message and one we can all take to heart.

While we were enjoying our young friend's solo I thought about how our girls acted out their story for us and how much we liked it despite its imperfections. I also though about how the Lord must have liked our service tonight. I imagined Him sitting in Heaven in all His glory and perfection, watching His children doing things to please Him, to worship Him. I felt His smile of approval. It doesn't take human perfection to please the Lord. It just isn't going to happen. Nothing in us is perfect yet it pleases Him to receive our worship and praise. When we make ourselves vulnerable to Him, when we let go and open ourselves up, it gives Him joy.

I want to worship the Lord with abandon. I want to sing and dance for only Him. I will never sing like Dolly Parton. I will never dance like the best contestants on DWTS, but I want to bring Him moments of pleasure with whatever talents I have. I want to make Him smile.

Father, You give us so much. Thank you for our opportunities to give back to You. We love you! You're the best!

Suz

lightening up!

2010-07-22T23:32:00.004-04:00

Fun was my theme for today. Does every day have a theme? Maybe. I like the Fun Theme. On a whim I posted a goofy pic of myself as my Facebook profile. It's a silly one, but then I've always been happy to be known as a bit silly and goofy. That is, until I started letting all the serious details and important issues of my life commandeer my crazy gene. Being the perfectionist that I am I allowed simple everyday fun to be sucked out of my everyday! Oh, I'd have moments when I'd let down and laugh at something I found fun--and often it was with someone who isn't necessarily driven by perfectionist tendencies, like my friend, LB.

I wanna be her when I grow up. OK, maybe it's a little late for the growing up part. I'm pretty grown up at nearly 58 yrs old. And she is many years younger than I am but who says I can't learn something from someone much younger than I? A wise former pastor of mine believed we learn something from EVERYONE we meet. Well, I wanna learn to be less perfectionistic (because it's just not happening for me) and not so intense about the details working out exactly as I'd like them to work out. That's my friend, LB. She has this laid back, coastal, beachy attitude going on--like she's relaxing on vacation--most of the time! I just hope some of it rubs off on me.

Anyway, she and I filmed a commercial promoting the photography contest in our magazine and we were a little silly with it. OK, we were a lot silly with it and we had a BLAST doing it. Then JB, the young man who filmed our commercial, saw my fun photo and said I should go ahead and post it. I guess all I needed was some encouragement and I was off and running with my goofy mood which continued on today with the evidence of my fun profile pic.

After my initial post, I got to read all the crazy posts my friends and family left for me! I loved them :) They were having fun too! After my hairstylist foiled my head all up with prospective gorgeous blonde highlights, I decided everyone would love to see a continuation of my day so I asked Wendy to snap a pic of me in all my aluminum glory with my same expression, which I immediately posted. None of this was done secretly in the beauty salon. The whole place was in on the fun. The caption for the second pic was from the stylist in the next chair. Everyone in the place was enjoying my little explosion onto the internet for all the "world to see." And there were more great fun comments from one and all! My daughter, Amy, wrote some of the best ones :) I have chuckled to myself several times over what I did today. I wasn't embarrassed. I had fun and because I allowed myself to be seen as I really was feeling in the moment, several others had fun too.

Have you ever considered the people and their personalities that the Lord puts into your life? Had LB not lightened me up yesterday and had I not had the encouragement of a younger person, I would not have made myself vulnerable and open to be laughed with or laughed at and all of my friends and family would not have had that light, humorous moment! Life is terribly hard and complicated at times and if all we concentrate on is on perfecting the details and making sure everything is done 'correctly,' it is easy to skim over all the light moments as though they don't count. But--they DO count! We need this comic relief. We need snickers and chuckles and guffaws and hee haws!

The Lord made us with our sense of humor. It's there for a purpose and I think when we let loose of our control of all the details and laugh, truly laugh, at something or someone in a good natured way, I think the Lord laughs with us. It's kinda like on the funniest videos tv shows when the babies laugh unreservedly and we can't help but laugh with them! I think God laughs with us.

"And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life?" Matthew 6:27

All those important but pesky details will be taken care of by the Lord. I won't change anything about them by worrying and I won't take away any of their importance by lightening up on the concentration of them.

Note to self: LIGHTEN UP, SUZ!

Father, thank you for the fun day today! I had a blast and i'm looking forward to having many more fun days with the delightful people you've put into my life. I'm grateful for each one. Please help me learn something positive from everyone I meet. I love you, Jesus. I can't wait for tomorrow with You.

Suz

hoop jumping

2010-07-19T22:04:00.005-04:00

It's been a really long day. After months of jumping through hoops with the Florida DMV we thought we had everything together so we could officially begin the journey, literally, down the road, of Kayla's possibly learning how to drive. We've submitted forms, gotten her eye exams, had letters written by her docs and talked on the phone to way more than one person about how to get from step A to step B. Then with letter in hand that said we had to take care of this before the 22nd of July, we find out they have approved Kayla to take the final driver's test with hand controls, etc! They won't do ANYTHING at all. So we wait while the supervisor's supervisor talks with the medical review board in Tallahassee to see what can possibly be done for us.

How hard is it to understand that we're not there yet. We just need a simple driver's learning permit so she can be EVALUATED to see if she is able to learn how to drive. Anyway to make an extremely frustrating and long experience shorter, we walked out with a 60 day permit to have her checked out and tested to see if she can even drive at all. Thank you, Lord!

But, that's the kicker...

With her disability comes challenges I've never had to face. Thinking about her driving freaks me out. Will she be able to be taught how to drive? Can she even keep a car on the road? Will there ever be a day when she's independent with her own transportation and home? In the natural, I just don't see it happening. My vision is weak on this one. I'm worried.

BUT, on the other hand...with God! All things are possible...He is the only hope for a new day for her. This girl has wanted physical independence her whole life. I sure hope it happens. I pray it happens. I know I should give no thought about what will happen tomorrow. The Lord has it all under control and He doesn't need my help to fix any of this. Still...worry nags at my heart, my mind. I'd like to see the future of this situation all laid out step by step with the Lord's answers for my questions. I feel like a pancake on this stuff. First, I flip this way--then I remember the truth and flip over that way. Yeah, I know. All those laid out answers just aren't going to happen. I need to talk to the Lord about this one.

Lord, I'm still fretting over this stuff and I don't like it. Fretting is stressful and useless. I know you are in control and there's nothing that escapes your attention. Please take this whole issue and work it out the way YOU want to work it out. It feels scary to say it that way but I really don't want to be in charge. I'm not that smart and certainly not that wise. Take care of Kayla, your way. Help me cast this burden on You. I love you, dear Father.

Suz

ch-ch-ch-changes

2010-07-19T00:21:00.003-04:00

It's been an interesting last few weeks. We've just bought a vacation place in Alabama. I said I'd never go to Alabama--but here we are, homeowners in a small town there. Fancy that! It's a lot to think about.

First, our good friends moved there last year. We love them and missed them a lot but not so much as to seriously consider buying property there.

Secondly, their new Alabama friends asked them if they might know someone who would want to buy their place. "Nope. I don't believe I do." That's what they said--until the guy said there's a hunting lease that butts up against their property. "Wait. Maybe I do know someone who may be interested."

Enter a phone call to my husband about said property. Photos are emailed to us. We like how it looks.

"Sure. We'll come look at it."

A quick trip to see it and a short bargaining conversation. They tell us a price. We make an offer. Said offer is accepted. Yay! We're gonna be new homeowners.

We go home to wait for closing date. In the interim we return to Alabama friends with motorcycle "pack" from our church. Excitement ensues. (read previous entry). We go home.

Another short (3 day) trip to Alabama. (In these two weeks I've been to Alabama more often than ever before in my WHOLE life.) We close on the house and return home to wait for our move in date. We're very excited--but I STILL do not know how we got to this point so quickly. It's amazing...but only because we're NOT people who move quickly on much of anything...especially large purchases. Still...

Truth is we didn't move as quickly as it might seem. We've been looking for a second place for a few years now. We even had our son in law checking out places on the internet for us. He's really good at that stuff. Anyway, everything simply clicked. I think it's often like this when it's right and this surely seems right. We've prayed long and hard for a place up the country where Byron can hunt and we can live at a slower pace...and that I would be happy with making the change. Well, miracle of miracles, I assure you that we are BOTH happy about it.

There are still some loose ends to tie up. Aren't there always loose ends? But, I'm sure in time we'll get all our ducks in a row and tie up those loose ends. How's that for a mixed metaphor? Do ducks have loose ends?

To this point everything has gone more smoothly that even I expected. This purchase means lots of changes for us. We want to vacation there and then sometime later become snow birds, spending chunks of time here and there. I'm not exactly sure how it will end up, but the Lord seems to be orchestrating this opera and I'm glad He is. It all feels too big for me to figure out.

So, here's to changes! Good changes! Good changes directed by Jesus' own hand.

Thank you Lord for your guidance. We appreciate your direction and your help in this big deal. This really is a big deal for us. We depend on you and love you so much.

Suz

The Rest of the Story--Ride With Purpose July '10

2010-07-10T23:23:00.021-04:00

I love the movie Forrest Gump. One of my favorite scenes is when Forrest and Lt Dan were shrimping faithfully and still not catching anything. Forrest had been going to church and praying about it but Lt Dan only got angrier by the minute. Finally, in frustration, he asked Forrest where this God of his was.

Then Forrest says, "It's funny Loo-ten-ent Day-an said that, 'cause right then, God showed up!" Lt Dan had called God out and while He was at the top of the mast of their shrimping boat he argued and fussed with God while He turned loose His fury in the guise of a severe storm on the ocean. After a fight to the finish, the storm calmed and Lt Dan had supposedly made his peace with the Lord and all was well. Then they started catching shrimp like crazy! The Lord had been challenged and had given the Lt what he wanted. In the movie, God finally "showed up."

On our motorcycle ride last week we had definite challenges and trials. While riding down a two-lane country road in Alabama less than 10 miles from our day's destination, two of our friends had to lay their bikes down to avoid a horrible truck accident. In the process, Wayne swerved to miss the flying debris from the two trucks colliding. His bike had minor damage and he seemed uninjured, while Mike broke his hand, had terrible road rash and terribly sore muscles. His wife, Loretta, had really bad scrapes and bruises on her arm and bad road rash on her back. I'm not sure of the extent of the damage to his bike but it was messed up pretty badly.

The scene of the accident was a scary sight to behold. Trucks crushed. Motorcycles on their sides in the culvert. There were people everywhere. I don't know where they all came from on this little road out in the middle of nowhere. They were all over the place walking around in curiosity and shock and soon there were ambulances with their screaming sirens and red lights flashing. Our friend, Mike, wandered around stunned and bleeding. Loretta sat on the ground not daring to move until she could determine which parts of her were injured. Our group gathered around our hurt friends, comforted them and prayed for the Lord to help them.

Unlike Lt Dan, nobody had to pray for God to be with us and come to our rescue. He was already there! When we left the church on a rainy Sunday afternoon, He rode with us into the night. When it turned hot and steamy the next day, He came along. When tragedy suddenly struck on that Tuesday afternoon, we felt His presence. He was there in the Fire chief's daughter calling 911 at the scene. He was there in the nurse driving down the road who stopped to assess the injuries before the ambulances arrived.

The Lord comforted the young girl, a Baptist pastor's daughter, who felt terrible about how she had carelessly failed to slow her vehicle over the hill. He protected the rest of our team from being mowed down by the other truck she'd blasted into and shoved way down on the side of the road. He calmed our other friend who, although uninjured, was so distraught about the whole thing he was visibly shaken.

In time, we discovered that despite the horrible scene and "what might have been," the injuries were considered minor. There were no head injuries. There were no hospital stays. There were no deaths. What could have been overwhelmingly heartrending and tragic was a bump--albeit a BIG bump--in the road. Instead, what we had were our friends ministering to one another and others.

Our Comforter was there in the midst of our people gathered two or three together in His name as we prayed for everyone involved. God was there ALL THE TIME. We never waited for Him to show. He never decided to be with us and make an appearance. He was simply and beautifully with us all.

2 Corinthians 1:20 reminds us, "For no matter how many promises God has made, they are "Yes" in Christ. And so through Him the "Amen" is spoken to us to the glory of God." The Lord promises us in Hebrews 13:5 I will never leave you, nor forsake you." We can hold this truth dear to our hearts no matter what is going on in our lives. It matters not the storm, the tragedy, the turmoil, the heartache. We do not wait for the Lord to show up. He is right there with us at every turn.

I am so glad, Father, that there was never a second away from your presence on our trip and especially on that Tuesday. I am so glad for your presence even now. This life often has moments so hard that we feel we can hardly bear them. Lord, you are the only soft place in it. We are grateful beyond measure. I love you, dear, dear Jesus. You are a friend like no other.

Suz

a sweet savor

2010-07-06T23:32:00.011-04:00

The skies were beautiful. No rain today. As we rode through the Alabama hills I caught the blend of the medicinal scent of pines and the sweet aroma of wildflowers in the heat of the day. I was immediately carried back to our family vacations in northern Georgia and its mountain flora. They were simple pleasures during a less complicated time. It was a time for enjoying one another without the distraction of extreme activities. We built relationship, one meal, one conversation at a time bathed in the scents of a southern summer.

As our group explores back roads in the south and enjoys our Creator's handiwork in sight and scents of these southern hills, we don't always know what lies around the next corner, but we can be certain that nothing catches our Father by surprise. He is attentive to our needs and is ALWAYS with us.

The smells of an Alabama country summer remind me of 2 Corinthians 2:15-17 For we are to God the aroma of Christ among those who are perishing...to the other the fragrance of life...in Christ we speak before God with sincerity, like men sent from God. Our simple trip together. Our lives for Christ. Not humanly perfect, yet still pleasing to our God. As much as we enjoy the clean fresh aromas as we go from place to place, our lives in Christ are a pleasant aroma to Him! Our heavenly Father! How beautiful is it that God, our Lord, is who He is and yet we please HIM?

Thank you, dear Jesus. I am especially grateful today. I pray our lives will always be a sweet savor to you. You are amazing! I love you utterly.

Suz

Ride with a Purpose 2010 Day 2

2010-07-05T22:10:00.002-04:00

What a whirlwind of a ride today! We met for breakfast at 8 am but didn't leave right away. It had been raining most of the night and still going strong at time to hit the road. We loaded up everything and prayed for requests from home and for safe travels then left in the rain. We had discussed (ok, the guys discussed)earlier about going a different route to try and avoid some of the wet stuff. It rained hard for the first few miles and then we ran out of it. That's when the sun came out and "dried up all the rain, and the itsey bitsey spiders all came out again!" It got hot quickly so our clothes dried and we weren't wet anymore.

We traveled in the sunshine and blue skies for the rest of the day. We made our way to Andersonville National Cemetery and POW Museum where Ms Christy's grandfather's recorded stories of his POW time were told by him. It was a special time for her and I will let her tell her story of it's meaning in her way and time. The museum was awesome and touching. If ever you have opportunity to visit, it's definitely worth the trip. Our time was short there but we did have opportunity to drive around in the Cemetery. I have some gorgeous photos and will post them asap.

The museum and cemetery closed and we headed for parts, Columbus, GA, for our rooms for the night and dinner. The ride was a bit grueling and exhausting. My seat hurt and my head was itching like crazy from the helmet! I was miserable so I bailed and rode in the air conditioned truck with Ms Tammy.

What is it about the heat that just sucks the life out of your body? We are tired and calling it a night a little bit early and then it's up pretty early to get the Harley shop across the street by 9 am and head to Odis and Marsha Mooty's house. I can't wait to see them again.

Despite the rain and the summer sun, it was a good day. Any safe day on a motorcycle is a good one. Our path changed from the way we thought we'd go to the one with the bright shining sun. Pastor Gary says sometime we have to change our pathway to get to the good stuff. The Lord will let us stay in the rain--we could have kept our original plans and stayed wet all day--or we could move in another direction and find blue skies. We moved and are happy with the results!

What else does the Lord have in store for us on this trip? I don't know but I know it will be good. God's plans are always good :) Pray for us. We're praying for you!

Father, Thank you for a change in plans and sunny skies! You are the one we depend upon because "it rains on the just and the unjust." You know the beginning from the end. Thank you for taking such good care of us! I love you, dear Lord :)

Suz

Ride with a Purpose 2010 Day 1

2010-07-04T22:23:00.006-04:00

This is the second year of Ride With Purpose for Glad Tidings Church. Anyone with a motorcycle can join us on a fun, long distance ride where we make it a point to stop every hundred or so miles and pray for friends, family and community.

I have a love/dislike relationship with this ride. I love riding the bike in great weather. Not too cool. Not too hot. It's a feeling of freedom like no other. Feels a little daring too. Going fast on a 2-lane country road. Aren't we supposed to be doing the speed limit? Oh, the speed limit is 8o miles an hour? Yeah. Right.

I strongly dislike riding in the rain, especially the hard ones. This is dangerous and I'm not really a fan of doing stuff that's too risky. I think I'm losing my nerve. Yep. It's happening to me. I know if something goes awry, I'm in trouble. My old bones aren't as flexible as they used to be.

I love riding with friends. Especially GT friends. We've been at Glad Tidings for 7 years and there's never been an activity that we've gone on where we've had drama amongst the group. I mean, never. Not on fun stuff. Not on mission trips. Never. We go and have a blast whatever we're doing. It doesn't mean this is a perfect group of people. I think we just have a really good attitude for a church group. It's truly a great time whenever we do something together.

I dislike (strongly) how hard it is for me to sit for long periods of time without discomfort. I've tried pillows and specially designed gel seats. They don't help. This is the worst part. When I'm not comfy I'm like a worm on a hot rock. Twisting this way. Turning that way. Up. Down. I'm sure I can be pretty annoying to Byron when I get tired like this. He's a good guy though and never says a word about it.

Most of all, I love the feeling of accomplishment when we arrive back to the church after days and 1600 miles on the road. It's adventure at it's easiest. We see great places. We stop at a gas station or convenience store every couple of hours. We pray for our friends and neighbors and the community around us. We eat in nice restaurants and stay in nice hotels with our very good friends. There's a great deal of laughter and fun. I especially love this part. This is why I'm back on the road again this year even though I haven't ridden on the bike with Byron since LAST July! No wonder my seat is uncomfortable! Sheesh!

The ride was tough today. We had about an hour of dry weather after we left the church and then the bottom of the sky fell out! We got soaked and had a good laugh. Then it dried up and we had perfect temperature and an awesome sunset! We rode hard and fast so we could reach our destination in time to watch fireworks in Sopchoppy, but to no avail. They had them last night so people could go to church tonight and still not miss the fireworks this year. Still no drama. We laughed about it and each of us went to our great hotel rooms at the new Best Western in Medart, Fl to rest up for our ride tomorrow. I can't wait to feel the warmth of the sun on my face and the wind in my hair--that is until I have to put my helmet on.

There are two ladies along our ride who have already received a copy of our women's magazine, Looking Forward--a cashier at a tiny store and gas station in Williston, FL and our waitress at Golden Corral in Perry, FL. We women are dividing up the rest of the copies I brought among ourselves and will be sharing them along the way to whomever the Lord leads. Wonder what the Lord will do through this great resource. Great thanks to those who contributed to this issue. Your words, thoughts, and stories will touch hearts and encourage women all along our trip.

Thank you, Lord for traveling mercies today. It was really tough but you brought us through safely. I can't wait to see what tomorrow holds. It's gonna be a good day! I love you so much!

Suz

mom to the rescue

2010-06-20T23:58:00.011-04:00

I love coming to my children's rescue. There have been frog and snake rescues for Amy along with quick trips to the drugstore for cold medicines and prescriptions, and I have bought a few necessities and medicines for Holly and the girls when there was illness at their house. When I am called upon, my heart races and I am resolute in my mission to supply what my girls and their families need in a pinch. I live for this stuff. It's my job; it's what I do.

I am Mom.

On my way to the hospital this morning to be with Holly and Hannah after surgery, I thought about the freshly brewed iced tea and homemade chicken broth I had in my bag for them. It was something to make the day a tiny bit more palatable while they are away from home. I was asked for the tea and I volunteered the soup. My girls had needs. I was joyful in my efforts to meet them. To do this brings ME joy!

In a more important vein, my own daughter comes to the rescue of her girls. For this season, it's Hannah and her surgery. Holly is right beside her eldest every moment she's allowed, attending to her needs, comforting her when she's fearful and becoming the lioness who advocates for her cub when she needs defending. The cycle: attend, comfort, supply, defend. She's doing it so well. Holly, the mom, to the rescue!

It's what mothers do.

Our heavenly Father is our parent. He calls Himself, our Father! Our parent. If I get this much joy when meeting a request or a need from my girls, how much MORE does our heavenly Father get joy out of meeting OUR desires when we are in need and we ask Him? If I am willing to drop everything and drive across town to deliver tea and soup, and Holly will spend night and day with her child, won't the Lord see our plight and bend down to minister to us, His children? Won't He see me, His daughter, and come to my rescue? My heart is full of gratitude and adoration for the Lord and the way He takes care of me, how He supplies my needs and so many of my wants.

I lack nothing.

Father, thank you for your care for us, your children. Thank you for coming to our rescue! You bless me beyond measure. Thank you for your hand in Hannah's surgery and her continuing recovery. There is no one like you! I must be your favorite for you are better to me than anyone else! My heart brims with gratitude and love for you. "I want to sit at your feet, drink from the cup in your hand. Lay back against you and breathe, feel your heartbeat. This love is so deep, it's more than I can stand. I melt in your peace, it's overwhelming..."

Suz

clarity

2010-06-05T23:13:00.012-04:00

I was planning activities for someone else when I really wasn't "in the mood" to do it so I started to resent every errand or task associated with this activity. This was supposed to be a fun thing. A good thing. But it didn't feel fun OR good. So, I started thinking how I would feel if someone was doing something that was supposed to be a fun time for me with a poor attitude and dread. I didn't like how it felt at all.

Then, in what seemed like out of the clear blue sky, the person said something about how nice it would be for me after all this is over. It seemed sad for her to say it like she did. I thought I was hiding it pretty well but she must have been reading me better than I thought. So I said, "After this is all over we're going to look back and smile about it. This is a fun time and we're going to have fun doing all the stuff that goes along with it." I don't know where that thought came from, except from the Lord, because I hadn't been feeling that way at a all.

That was the turning point for me. As soon as I said it, the light bulb came on. Yes! It is going to be fun and we will have fun doing these things and we WILL look back on these few days fondly, with great memories. And we are! We're having a blast!

I don't know exactly what happened to change my outlook except that the Lord showed me the possibilities. He doesn't ever make us do the right thing. I could have chosen to wallow around in the "I don't WANT to's," and made everyone around me miserable enough that no one would want to be around me. Until a few days ago, I have never seen so clearly that I have a CHOICE about my attitude. I can choose to be grumpy or happy, and for whatever reason, this time I chose the higher road. I made a choice to have fun with this--and I am! We've had fun days of preparation and events and it's been a lot of work, but worth it all.

I make no claims that I have this lovely (read: personally challenging) issue settled forever. Every day, no matter how many birthdays I've had, I see how I am still a student of the Lord, learning how to listen to Him more clearly, learning how to put into practice what I have been hearing, and learning how to set my own feelings aside for the moment and think of someone else. For this test, for this issue, for this time, I think I am really getting it right and I am so grateful to the Lord for it because this outcome is not only affecting me, but others that I love and care for.

Father, what a great time for clarity of thought! I am loving this! Thank you for your guidance and your patience with me. Help me remember that as much as I'd sometimes like it to be, this life is not all about me. Please help me keep my thoughts and attitudes as close to yours as is possible and help me put them into practice as they come up. I think we'll all be happier if I do these things Your way. Help me hear your voice and obey. I love you so much.

Suz

how the Lord shows mercy and is kind.

2010-06-03T00:10:00.005-04:00

Tonight I read a new friend's testimony about her life and how the Lord took care of her and her children over the last twenty years and I am immediately humbled AND checked by it. Compared to her life, I've lived on proverbial EASY St. and yet, somehow, I still have the nerve to complain? Through her many challenging years she held on to Exodus 9:16 "But I have raised you up for the very purpose, that I might show my power and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth." She and her children are now reaping the harvest of the Lord's blessing on her steadfastness in Him--and I am truly ecstatic for them.

At the same time, I wonder how, I wonder why some people come out of hardship soaring and others, whose troubles don't seem as dramatic, seem to wallow in it all their lives. Why do some of my family members still sit in the mud? Why am I tangled in the results from what they have sown?

So, I reach for my Bible and look up praise and worship and find Psalm 103...Praise to the Lord of Love.

All that I am, praise the Lord;

everything in me, praise his holy name.
² My whole being, praise the Lord
and do not forget all his kindnesses.
³ He forgives all my sins
and heals all my diseases.
⁴ He saves my life from the grave
and loads me with love and mercy.
⁵ He satisfies me with good things
and makes me young again, like the eagle.

⁶ The Lord does what is right and fair
for all who are wronged by others.

⁷ He showed his ways to Moses
and his deeds to the people of Israel.
⁸ The Lord shows mercy and is kind.
He does not become angry quickly, and he has great love.
⁹ He will not always accuse us,
and he will not be angry forever.
¹⁰ He has not punished us as our sins should be punished;
he has not repaid us for the evil we have done.
¹¹ As high as the sky is above the earth,
so great is his love for those who respect him.
¹² He has taken our sins away from us
as far as the east is from west.
¹³ The Lord has mercy on those who respect him,
as a father has mercy on his children.
¹⁴ He knows how we were made;
he remembers that we are dust.

¹⁵ Human life is like grass;
we grow like a flower in the field.
¹⁶ After the wind blows, the flower is gone,
and there is no sign of where it was.
¹⁷ But the Lord's love for those who respect him
continues forever and ever,
and his goodness continues to their grandchildren
¹⁸ and to those who keep his agreement
and who remember to obey his orders.
¹⁹ The Lord has set his throne in heaven,
and his kingdom rules over everything.
²⁰ You who are his angels, praise the Lord.
You are the mighty warriors who do what he says
and who obey his voice.
²¹ You, his armies, praise the Lord;
you are his servants who do what he wants.
²² Everything the Lord has made
should praise him in all the places he rules.
My whole being, praise the Lord.

As I read this whole chapter, I am comforted because His word has spoken to my complaints and my pain. Everything that seemed out of control because I feel overwhelmed is very much secure and safe, so I can move forward instead of hiding away till the storm passes. I'm so glad he "loads me with grace and mercy!"

My Father isn't afraid of my questions and He doesn't chastise me because I am miserable. Verses 13 and 14 says He has mercy on his children and knows I'm dust. I am weak, and He reassures me about His character and His attributes and His attitudes toward me, His child. I have every reason under the sun to look up and praise him with my whole self!

It's still a tough time for me right now, but I have not become a social recluse and, as much as I would like them to, my concerns have not vanished into the air. After reading my friend's testimony and Psalm 103, my resolve is strengthened and my heart is easier because the Lord is in charge of me. I have every reason to praise Him with my whole being!

What a great God we serve!

Father, You know all about my troubles and you are bigger than them all. Thank you for your care. I praise you because you are God! Your love will continue forever and ever and your goodness will continue down to my grandchildren! I love you so much! Thank you. Thank you!

Suz

pieces and parts running for the border

2010-05-25T22:35:00.011-04:00

My best friend wrote a note to me yesterday about what her body is doing to her as she gets older. It wasn't a pretty description--but it was funny and yet sad at the same time. Then I wrote my description to her of what is going on with my body. It was sad, but still pretty funny. Kinda funny, anyhow. I told her I had to laugh to keep from crying.

As upsetting as all this physical stuff could be, it's also kind of interesting to watch it step by step. I see all this happening. The wrinkles, bumps, bulges and expanding places. Pieces and parts running for the border. Gray hairs popping up in the oddest places. Extra chins blossoming faster than I care to admit and a tummy that's racing for the finish line like its life depends on it. And it just won't stop! I could probably head it off at the pass with dieting and exercise, if I had the gumption, or the energy, or the want-to. But I don't. It's that simple. I don't.

There was a time when I had all of the above: gumption, energy and want-to. I'd diet till the cows came home and I'd exercise like a crazy woman. OK, I've never really exercised like a crazy woman. I hate exercise. It bores me and besides, it makes me tired. I know I'm supposed to have more energy when I exercise regularly but I've never had the pleasure of gaining all the over the top energy boost. It has NEVER happened for me.

This aging stuff isn't for sissies. I've never been this old before and sometimes it's pretty scary. One wrong move--a fall, a slip, anything out of the ordinary, and I could be messed up for a long time. I don't have time to be messed up for a long time!

My other best friend recently had some chest pain and had herself checked out. It turned out not to be a heart attack but just seeing the words, "not a heart attack," on the email from my dear friend since I was 9 years old shook me to my very core. Seriously, it upset me a lot. C'mon! We're not old enough for heart stuff, are we?

Oh. We are.

Yes, I read the obits last week and saw a former classmate had died...and the one before that...and the one before that.

I don't want to be incapacitated. I want to stay active and live a vital, vibrant life. And I try. I really do. I participate in extra activities often. I don't sit around a lot. But I'm telling ya that it gets harder every passing year to push to do "fun stuff." It doesn't always seem worth the effort. The older I get, the more I'm understanding why older people start staying closer and closer to home. It's just easier...and not really so bad, either.

Aging. Getting older. Getting old. Old lady. Staying active and vital and vibrant. It's a tough walk. The mind shouts one thing and the body whispers another. "Get out! Have fun! Be with friends and family! You'll love it!" versus "I'm tired. That swing looks nice. Let's have a little dinner and talk. Think I'll chill here at home."

I gotta say that life sure changes as the years pass. Some seasons are longer than others--or maybe they just feel that way. I'm curious to watch how my current season will play out. It makes me very glad to know that "the steps of the righteous are ordered of the Lord."

Thank you, Lord for ordering my steps. Help me enjoy full advantage of what you have for me. I don't want to miss anything you've planned! I ask you for energy and diligence for every day life and serving you. I love you so very much.

Suz

scooping up the underdog

2010-05-09T00:20:00.004-04:00

She ran to me and I scooped her up into my arms. I held her and comforted her. She gets picked on by the others--a lot--so, I did more than just the loose, one armed pick-up. I wrapped both my arms around her and held her close to me. I whispered soothing words to her and she settled right down. She knew she was safe. She knew if she needed it, I'd hold her forever. There was peace in the land and in her heart.

Sylvia is the underdog. She's the one the others mistreat. She's a loner with no close friends. She was lost and undone and I rescued her. She was thirsty and I gave her water. She was scared and weary and I gave her a safe resting place.

When all was calm--when SHE was calm--when she was refreshed and renewed, I placed her feet back on the ground and she went about the business of life.

I love when Jesus scoops me into His capable arms and comforts me. I rest in Him and when I need it, He holds me forever.

Thank you, Jesus. I love you.

Suz

resting anyway

2010-05-05T12:27:00.007-04:00

Did you ever get an email forward that warned you of a dire plot by evil men to do you harm? They are fear mongering darts of dread and terror that sit in your inbox just waiting to try and make you shake in your boots.

The first time or two I received them I thought that I should be on the look out for the fear du jour. That would be prudent and responsible. Right? Shouldn't I look for HIV infected needles taped to gas pump handles? Watch out for the parking lot perfume seller who is spritzing his victims with ether so she can be robbed or worse? What about the gang initiation ruse with the flashing car headlights?

Have any of these things ever really happened? Honestly, I doubt it, but just because I doubt it does it mean there is no evil in the world and that we will never have dangerous situations to face? Of course not. The world is filled with evil, and there are plenty of lost human beings willing to carry it out.

The Bible offers us comfort and encouragement in the Lord as our protector and defender.

Psalms 3:1-4 O LORD, how many are my foes! How many rise up against me! Many are saying of me, "God will not deliver him."But you are a shield around me, O LORD; you bestow glory on me and lift up my head. To the LORD I cry aloud, and he answers me from his holy hill.

Got enemies? He is a shield around us!

Need uplifting? Feeling weak? Therein lies the beauty. The Lord says when our strength is gone, He will be our strength. He is the lifter of our head! He bestows glory and lifts our head!

Lonely and scared? He answers us from His holy hill!

Sometimes circumstances in our lives seem to shake us to our very core. We feel overwhelmed and at the end of our strength and patience. We wonder how in the world will we EVER deal with this in the coming days and weeks, even months--years?

Remember the old hymn?

"Where could I go, Oh, where could I go. Seeking a refuge for my soul. Needing a friend to save me in the end. Where could I go but to the Lord?"

I'm so glad my strength and wisdom is not my own. I'm glad the Holy Spirit comforts us when we fear. I'm glad the Lord speaks to our hearts and encourages us. When we get that email or hear about something heinous on the evening news, we need not fear. We can cry out to God and rest in His protection.

"I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety." Psalms 4:8

Father, When we fear, where else could we go but to you? I love you and cry out to you in my hour of need. You are precious to me. I rest in you.

Suzanne

making memories with alligators

2010-04-01T01:30:00.014-04:00

Holly, Hannah, Summer and I went to Gatorland today for a Spring break outing. I wish I could have had Amy and Sid with us too, but we couldn't work it out for this trip. We had a wonderful time though and hopefully we'll all get to go on the next one. I like having ALL my children with me!

The weather was just right, neither too hot nor too cold. We got there early enough that the crowds weren't unbearable and since the fire and remodeling a couple of years ago, the attraction was really up to date and interesting. There were alligators galore, along with shows every hour or so, a swamp walk, a train ride, and a Bird sanctuary walk that was absolutely perfect. All this for Florida resident prices of $9.99 for the day! What a bargain! Seriously!

I loved today. The girls and I haven't had a day with just us in a little while now. I've missed it. My granddaughters are growing up so quickly that I feel like I'm on a ride too fast for me. I need to hang on, slow down or just get off and it's not possible. The time train is zooming out of the station and on its route. Summer will be 9 in about 2 weeks and Hannah is already nearing 15 years old. I remember when Hannah's little embryo body was the size of a pinto bean. (we kept up with all the illustrations from the childbirth book.) I had just started community college when Holly got pregnant with her and I reconsidered going to school in case I was needed. I stayed in school an it all worked out. She was born and I still got my degree. Now Hannah's a teen and as much fun as I always dreamed she'd be. She listens when I speak about issues and shares her views. She makes me laugh with her quick dry wit and quirky sense of humor and laid back manner.

Summer is a ball of fun with curly blonde hair and, for the moment, a front toothless grin. She wants to try everything and has a blast doing it! "Wanna check out the Gator wrestling show? Sure! Wanna sit on an alligator's back? Oh, please, can I ? Can we get a snack? What time is lunch? Suzy, do you have a dollar for some M & M's? I wanna ride the train. I didn't know there was a water park. I wish I'd brought my bathing suit and a towel! Here are the white alligators--let's go in here. Oh Mommy, can I buy a bag of rocks? Will you stay at my house and play with me when we get home? Let's go outside and look at my swing and sand pile." Summer is excited about everything. She makes me stretch and extend my comfort level even when I'm a bit tired. I push so she has fun. It's good to push.

I can't help but compare my experiences with my grandmothers and my experience with my grands. I barely knew mine. They were in other states and we only made the pilgrimage a week or so every few years. Although they were kind to me, they knew little to nothing about me as an individual and were too old, or sick, (or something) to try to get to know me. Let's just say it wasn't a priority. Because I'd never known anything different than that, it didn't bother me. That's just the way it was. As I look back, though, I see that we all missed out on something that could have been priceless. They could have discovered my sense of humor, my interests and have gotten to know me. And I could have learned about them, their interests and I could have heard stories from years ago about my family heritage and history. What invaluable resources were lost because we didn't connect?

All I can do now is make a sincere effort to connect with my grandchildren. I listened to their school and family stories and their jokes. Today they listened and asked questions as I pointed out Orlando landmarks of where their grandfather and I went on our first date forty some years ago. It made me wish I'd known more about my grandparents early lives and their relationship. But all that is the proverbial water under the bridge. I must move on from where we are now.

Like today. Making memories. Hopefully making memories they will never forget. Memories that, if the Lord tarries, they will recount to their children, and who knows! Maybe my great-great grandchildren will someday hear the story of our trip to Gatorland today and what a fun day it was.

It could happen.

Father, thank you so much for our beautiful day today. The snowy egrets with their delicate lacy plumage, in the bird sanctuary, were breathtaking! I hope I never forget their pristine, white silhouettes against the dark brown water of the swamp and the gray of the sunning alligators. But mostly , thank you for precious time with my little girls who won't be little too much longer. I am so blessed by my family. I am fully blessed by each individual in it. Thank you, thank you, thank you! I love you so very much.

Suz

patience and change

2010-03-29T21:53:00.007-04:00

Have you ever had circumstances in your life for any period of time that simply weren't what you wanted them to be? What do you do with them? As a rule I guess I just keep walking--sometimes stomping my feet a bit--and still hoping, praying for a change.

At this point in our lives, I thought Byron and I would be in a different place...not relationship-wise. That's good. But the daily stuff is surely different than I expected. I never thought I'd be parenting again at nearly 60 years old. But here I am--taking care of a younger family member. It gets tough sometimes. Don't get me wrong--I KNOW it could be a whole lot tougher. We don't have attitude problems or rebellion bursting at the seams. Truth is, we'd all like things to be different--even the younger family member. None of us thought life would have this setup at this point. But--here we are.

I want to find contentment in this season. I've prayed for peace and rest and I've also prayed for change. Maybe that's the problem. I've prayed all over the place. To be content--to have change! How stable is that? Sheesh! I guess if I don't receive the change I want then I would like to have contentment in this season. I'm sure glad the Lord looks on my heart and understands, because my mind is a little disheveled right now.

What do you do when the Lord directs your path and it's not one you want to be on? I've tried surrendering it all to Him. And sometimes I think I've really let the issue go--but then the discontentment comes back and I feel like I'm right back where I started!

I am so tired.

It may seem overly dramatic, but I identify with David in Psalm 69:1-2 "Save me, O God, for the floodwaters are up to my neck. Deeper and deeper I sink into the mire; I can't find a foothold. I am in deep water, and the floods overwhelm me."

Yet I have to read further, believe God's Word and hold to v. 16 that says, "Answer my prayers, O Lord, for your unfailing love is wonderful. Take care of me, for your mercy is so plentiful."

I do believe that God's unfailing love is wonderful and that His mercy is plentiful. Sometimes I still want what I want, when I want it. Not a very Godly attitude, I know, but Jesus knows all about it, and it doesn't scare Him. He'll help me get where He wants me. He promised. He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it. Phillipians 1:5

I've got to keep walking.

Thank you, Father, for patience with me. I pray for change for the good, but I also pray for contentment where I am now. I love you so.

Suz

Rescue. No drama. No trauma.

2010-03-25T11:29:00.018-04:00

If I've learned anything by having chickens it's that it does absolutely no good to chase a chicken. They will stay just out of your reach and keep going. Calm must be the attitude of the moment when I need to get one of my girls back into the fold, otherwise, it is an exercise in futility. Ask me how I know.

I have one little white hen, Gloriana, who regularly escapes from the chicken pen. Sometimes she has a friend with her but more often than not she's by herself. She pecks around the yard, investigates the stuff under the oak leaves right next to the pen and sometimes she goes into Byron's workshop and roosts on one of his benches. She's very social and loves to see what everyone is doing.

Yesterday, my little escapee, flew the coop (so that's where that comes from!) 4 times. Maybe she was being treated unfairly by the other chickens. Maybe she wasn't getting as much of the feed as she wanted. I don't know exactly what happened, but she left, and that's when I'd go out, capture her, put her back in the pen, go back into the house, look out the window and see she was out again! Gloriana never causes trouble outside the pen. She stays fairly close and just moseys and pecks but I get concerned about other animals chasing her or hurting her. It seems to be my worry, though, not hers.

When I go outside to put her back into the pen, I walk slowly toward her and talk softly to her like I've done ever since we got them back in October.

"Hi, honey."

"What are you doing?"

"You gonna come see your Mama?"

"I love you, honey."

When I get about 20 feet from her, I stop, bend way down, and continue to talk softly to her. That's when she comes running over to me to see what I'm doing. She loves her Mama and always comes running. Now, I could try to pick her up then but she'd probably bolt and run, so after she's a little closer, I get up and walk slowly toward the pen, talking all the time. A little closer in, I bend down again and sweet talk her some more. That's when she comes to me, I pet her on her belly and she comes closer so I can pick her up firmly, not harshly, and hold her close to me. I stroke her head and long neck gently, talking sweetly all the time. If I were rough with her or yelled at her, I'd have a much harder time taking her back to safety. She would soon learn not to come to me at all. But, I don't do things that way. We walk calmly to the pen where I set her gently over the fence and she flies down into the pen. No drama. No trauma.

I noticed some similarity between my experience with Gloriana and how the Lord often treats us. In our own "wisdom" sometimes we ignore danger and leave the safety of our faith to pick and probe around in the world, looking for the next tasty morsel. The Lord faithfully comes after us time and time again, calling our name, beckoning us with kindness and love to come back to safety, to come back to Him. He doesn't yell and chase us around. He walks along side of us, persuading us to choose right. The Holy Spirit woos us in love and when we surrender, when we allow Him to pick us up, He gently soothes our ruffled feathers. He calms us and carries us to His chosen safety, which is better than any illusion of safety we might have devised for ourselves.

Luke 19:10 The Son of Man came to look for and to save people who are lost." I'm so glad the Lord seeks after us.

I know. I know. Chickens are chickens and people are people, but sometimes the Lord uses the really simple things in my everyday experiences to show me His beauty--His infinite love for us--and I love Him for it.

Thank you, Lord for allowing me to learn about You in the subtleties of my life. I appreciate all the times you've come after me in my foolishness and wooed me back into safety and fellowship with You. I love how you keep it simple for me and how you drop your word into my heart and mind as easy as pie. I love you so very much.

Suz

changes of time

2010-03-19T00:09:00.002-04:00

I've been an especially busy girl the last few weeks...months? I don't really know how it happened. I haven't signed up for more than usual, or at least I don't think I have. Anyway, stuff has been a poppin' lately. I'm not enjoying all of it so much.

I think I'm changing, or maybe I'm just getting to who I really am. I don't know who I'll be come my birthday. It's all new to me. I've never been this old before! I've always gone 90 to nothing when there were things to do. Run here. Run there. Make this work. Make that work. And I could do it pretty well. That's not to say I didn't become frustrated when the speed was too much. When I'm overwhelmed I get mad and I cry. Sometimes both at the same time. It's not a pretty sight. I'm leaving out a bunch of stuff here because I'm simply not too nice when I'm stretched to the maximum. My husband knows. Ask him.

I notice my body slowing down. I don't want to make myself run at getting things done. I'll get to it. I WILL GET TO IT. Just give me a few minutes. I've got 10 things on the list. The one you may want me to do is Number 6...not Number 1. And, so I slow down and get to it in my own time, with just a hint of zip. And it's becoming ok. It really is.

What I would like to do is take a few steps back and regroup. Rearrange my schedule. Reconsider my commitments. I'm beginning to understand my older sisters and brothers a bit better. We're tired. We're not out of the loop. Just a bit fatigued. And overwhelmed by the responsibility and the work that life demands.

Byron just turned 60 this month, and I'll be 58 this October. I don't feel that old. There's always a little hint of surprise when I think about our ages. What happened to the teens that were so much in love? Oh, the love has grown and deepened, but the teenage part--that's what has disappeared--it has melted into the past--along with a teen's energy, shape, and outlook on life. There's absolutely nothing that is old hat to a teen because most of them haven't done much in life yet. I know I hadn't.

Despite the change in energy levels and body, some changes are lovely. There is often a calm that slips in when I am in the midst of doing something simply pleasurable like having a conversation with my granddaughter or, yes, even holding one of my hens and stroking her long neck peacefully. Then there are the fun phone calls with dear friends, or elderly aunts. I love doing those things. What about spending an unhurried afternoon just putzying (my own word) around the house: straightening up the clutter, making banana bread and starting supper a little early because there are no external demands on my afternoon or evening. Now that's really nice. Those quiet, peaceful times look all the more attractive when I'm in a frenzy to get across town for a medical appointment or trying to figure out what's for our dinner when all I have to fix are big lumps of meatsicle that I forgot to thaw for our evening meal.

I yearn for two things. I would love to have more energy to jump into my tasks with both feet...with total abandon...and then jump back out again when I need to do so. The other is to have more moments of peacefulness with my husband, family, friends, animals and home without a plethora of things nagging at my brain.

I don't know if these two will ever call a truce. Will I learn to stop and smell the roses and forget the frenzy? At least for the moment, I rather doubt it.

Father, Even though I don't really like it, I often feel the "need for speed" but, I also long deeply for quieter times to bask in the peacefulness of simpler times. It's often tough for me to sort out, but nothing is tough for you. Help me find the balance and to still strive to live a quiet life. I love you so much. Thank you for the wonderful boy you sent my way when I was only 16. He was a real catch! I'm so grateful for our life together. You're good. So good!

Suz

strong women of God

2010-02-06T03:18:00.014-05:00

It's 3 am and I'm wide awake.

It's been mostly overcast with rain the last few days or so with a few bits of sunshine peeking through during the day and it's breezy tonight. Or, maybe I should say it's breezy this morning? I was roused around by the gentle sound of my wind chimes moving just enough to make music in the darkness from my back porch--and it was just enough music to capture me and brush away the 'sleepy,' but I don't mind because I have something good to think about.

There's a new project on the horizon and I'm excited about getting started with it. The idea to begin a church magazine/newsletter was presented to me by one of the women at our church and I liked the idea and wanted to be a part of it. I mentioned it to someone else and got an enthusiastic response, too. We mentioned it to a few more women and each one has jumped on board with great ideas to add to the mix. We shared our vision with our pastor and he gave us the go ahead. Not only did he give us the go ahead, he encouraged us to run with it. At this point it's kind of like the old commercial, "if I tell two friends, and they tell two friends, and THEY tell two friends..." I'm loving the inspiration and creativity being shared by the women of our church.

It's been a while since I have been 'inspired' by a project and I've missed the excitement. I've missed the focus of doing a specific, good thing well. With the other women who are also working on this publication it feels so do-able and the great thing about this project is that it's not just about a handful of women putting out a magazine. Our goal is to draw all of our church women together so we can get to know one another better and share some ideas and wisdom along the way.

We want to include as many of our women as possible and make it easier for us all to be those written about in Titus 2:3 Similarly, teach the older women to live in a way that honors God. They must not slander one another or be heavy drinkers. Instead they should teach others what is good. Another translation says to "help the older women to teach the younger women good things."

If an older sister shares her wisdom with me, she's teaching a younger woman good things. If a twenty-something young mother shares her life experience with a teen girl, she's teaching younger women good things. It's not really about age at all. It's about becoming a cohesive group of women helping each other become strong women of God.

We have an abundance of wealth in our congregation in our women. We have jewels with much talent and knowledge and wisdom and I'm loving finding out about 'who does what' well! I have a friend who lives by the phrase, "Looking forward," and it is a realistic, relevant way to live for Christ. For the Christian, life is all about looking forward in Jesus so I'm borrowing it from her. It's a new day and I am also looking forward.

Lord, you are so good to us. You are the Creator. Your steadfast love never ceases and your mercies never come to an end. They are new every morning. You give us fresh opportunities to 'bloom where we are planted.' Thank you so much for good, fun things to do for you. I love you with my whole heart.

Suz

staying away from Frazzle City and enjoying the crazy chaos

2009-12-30T00:32:00.018-05:00

Only a couple more days till '09 is history and I'm looking forward to a good 2010. We've had some financial challenges this year. Christmas shopping this time was different. Not bad, just different. Work has been nearly non-existent for the family business so we made a real effort to tone down our buying. It made for creative gift giving but it really was kind of fun. I didn't do the "one gift for her, two purchases for me," thing as I have done for so many years previously. You know how those sale prices kinda suck you in and you've just got to go ahead and buy it while it such a great deal! Well, I didn't do that this year. It hardly hurt a bit!

With a smaller gift budget to work with I found myself thoroughly concentrating on the true meaning of the season...the birth of Jesus...and all that it means for us as Christians. I made an effort to slow myself down and make myself "chill" when my temperament tried to lead me down the wild and wooly path to Frazzle City. I asked the Lord to help me be kinder and more patient with everyone I met in town from the customer in front of me to the cashier at the register at the grocery store...and He did. I found that when I was genuinely nicer and more pleasant, not only did my transaction go smoother but I left the encounter feeling really good inside. There is no "up" side to impatience and irritability when dealing with others. Ask me. I know! I deal with both these issues on a daily basis.

Christmas was good this year. We had our Christmas Eve gathering at my house with our immediate and some extended family. I was happy to have almost everyone together. Aunt Wanda and Aunt Margaret stayed at their house because Aunt Wanda isn't up to par right now. She's having some health issues that will hopefully be resolved soon. There was lots of food and laughter but I still missed them a lot that night.

Christmas Day brought our daughters and their families back to our house for gift opening and our traditional Christmas lasagna. Our grandson Sid was with his mom and her family this year. We sure missed him a lot! After we ate we went to visit Byron's mother for a little while and then made it an early evening home. By this time I wasn't the only one ready to call it a day! We were all tired and looking for some place soft to land.

New Year's Eve we're planning the Loftin-Baker-Adams 2nd Annual Wii-lympics. Sid will be home by then and we'll have a blast playing competitive Wii games, eating a great dinner and then shooting off fireworks in the driveway. That's our plan, if the Lord allows. I'm so glad to have children to share the holidays with. I'll admit sometimes it's lovely to just sit and visit with other adults with no children's distractions but for me, Christmas and New Year's Eve just aren't the ones! I love the crazy chaos of the kids with their goofing and rough housing and fun.

It seems like only a few days ago it was 2008, but here it is 2009 and it's nearly gone! I'm looking forward. Forward to what the Lord has in store for us. I am looking forward to hearing from the Lord more clearly and more often. I believe He's always speaking to us so, I want my heart to be sensitive to hear Him well. I would like for the economy to turn around in the near future, but I really don't know what the new year will bring. I'm not afraid, and I know it's sure to be OK because the Lord is in control of it all. Who better to trust with our future than the Lord? I'm hopeful about the days to come for our family.

Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” Heb 13:5

Thank you, Lord Jesus, for a lovely Christmas and a good new year. You promise us your presence and your help even in the middle of economic uncertainty and trouble and we love you so much for staying right with us. What a great thing to know that we can be content with what we have! I love you so very much. You are wonderful!

Suz

thankfulness for the simple things

2009-11-26T23:53:00.014-05:00

It was a really good day today. Thanksgiving Day. A day for family, friends and feasting. For evaluating. For gratitude to the Lord for his goodness and His bounty. For laughter. For memories of past holidays with family who have gone on. For tears. For contentment with what we have. For peace of mind and heart.

Having recently returned from a mission trip I have noticed my personal "requirements" much less than they might have been before the trip.

Before: I'd have to have my brand of diet soda with lots of ice. After: clean water, preferably cold but not necessary.

Before: I had to have a perfect shower with clean, hot water. After: shower, cold? doesn't matter.

Before: I had to have my hair done just so. makeup perfect. the right clothes. After: clean hair. no makeup. comfy, clean, cool clothing.

Before: I was picky and sometimes complaining because of little inconveniences. After: not so particular and easily satisfied with much less than before.

There's something about not having every little detail exactly how one wants it, when one wants it, and not being able to get it, to help me realize just how little we actually need. Since the trip, I find myself much more content with way less than I thought was absolutely NEEDED. It's a nice feeling, contentment is. It feels safe and well-taken care of. It's an "I may not have all my wants and demands and it's perfectly fine with me. I'll substitute. I'll make do. I'll do without. And I'm good with it." Having said all this, then came Thanksgiving--

Most years at Thanksgiving and Christmas, I become very flustered and stressed out about family dinners and wanting every detail to be perfect, but it was different this year. The mood--ok, my mood--was more relaxed. Our meal today was delicious and abundant and even though my perfectionism gene was more laid back this year (maybe because of the mission trip), we had our usual T-day meal and it was a doozy: Roasted turkey breast, cornbread and herb dressing, mashed potatoes with cream cheese added, candied sweet potato casserole, deviled eggs, gravy, fruit salad, green beans, fresh green salad, orange cranberry relish, rutabaga, rolls, butter and sausage balls, with Coca cola cake, vanilla ice cream, and 3 different pies (pumpkin, homemade sweet potato, and Dutch apple), peppermint bark, and pretzel bark for dessert. My girls and I pulled it all together. Yep. That was our outrageous, usual holiday meal. Such a list of foods and we still didn't have a couple of dishes we'd have had if Mom were still with us, but it all was tasty and I wasn't uptight about getting it all together this year. I started cooking the night before and worked steadily all day on the food. Byron helped me around the house so all I had to concentrate on was kitchen duty. He made the bed, picked up things, vacuumed the floor, took out the trash and just did whatever else that needed doing. What a great help he was! I'd have been a basket case if he hadn't pitched in to help.

The kids were happy and occupied with fun. Summer and Sid took a ride around the neighborhood on the mule (a vehicle, not an animal) with their Papa. He also let them drive it around the yard some and then they spent time in the coop with the chickens. Hannah helped in the kitchen with some of the finishing up details and watched a little tv on the side. Amy pitched in to get dinner on the table. We made Holly rest because she's still recuperating from her surgery a few weeks ago. The guys talked and played Wii and the atmosphere was fun and lively.

Even as I remember these things, they almost sound too good to be true, don't they? But, they're not. Our family has its share of trauma and drama just like every other family in the world, but on this day, with my kids and their spouses and their own kids, and Kayla and her dad, my brother, at our house, I was a happy woman.

I thank the Lord for these obvious blessings and I also thank Him for the ones that aren't so in my face. Oh, they're there, just not so evident to the whole world--like a peaceful attitude for me while getting ready for the festivities--a priceless gift in itself!

I hope you all had a great and gratitude filled day today, too. I'm very thankful for mine. It was a blast!

Thank you, Father, for this excellent day. I appreciate your presence that was so evident in our lives this evening and the lack of stress in my day today. Thank you for a delicious meal, for great dessert, for time with those I love so very much. Lord, I don't want to sound sappy, but I am ever grateful for each blessing you've supplied to us. What a great thing! The Lord and Savior of the whole world stooped down to help me today! I am gratefully blessed beyond measure and I love you for it. I love you so very very much.

Suz

Thursday, Friday, home!

2009-11-13T10:49:00.020-05:00

The team came in pretty tired on Thursday afternoon. It was a day of finishing the project and tying up loose ends at the jobsite. The ground prep (including cutting down a tree) and forty foundation posts were formed and poured...and this is the short list. Add to this mix rain, slippery mud and a concrete truck with no four-wheel drive and I think you know where I'm going with this. It was a challenge to maneuver the truck through the mud to pour the posts and then get it back to solid ground so it could leave and I'm sure there were many other parts to the job I just don't know about. There was also some maintenance on the guest house, etc., that the guys pitched in and completed while we were there, but all in all, the stage is now set for the raising of the tabernacles for the Bible school, which was the main goal of our team. The work day- the work week- complete, everyone cleaned up and came to the house for a special dinner.

Supper time the church provided our team with a traditional African meal. It wasn't as much a meal as it was a feast! So much food! We had a labor intensive peanut dish that was a specialty with the Africans. I think that peanuts are roasted and ground for a long time which intensifies the peanut flavor. I thought it was only peanuts but someone said there was seafood in it. We also had red snapper with spicy greens, a gigantic pot of paella with lots of fresh seafood and yellow rice and vegetables, greens with seafood (many different types in this dish), yucca-two ways, plantains-fried and boiled, roasted blue fish, and fresh bread. Like I said, a feast! I tried a variety of dishes, only leaving out one or two of the strongest ones. The flavors were different than I am used to and some of them would have to be an acquired taste, but for me it wasn't about whether or not it was a dish I was crazy about. It was about a great deal of labor extended and an effort put forth to introduce a group of strangers to African food that they are very proud of. Thank you all so much for your hospitality and hard work!

Friday brought us to breakfast at 8:30 instead of 7:00 which was kind of nice. A little extra sleep. We had coffee and breakfast bars, or whatever we wanted to eat. There was no big amount of food on this morning. Everyone just wanted to back off the food train a little. We took care of last day instructions and found out the plans for the day. Everyone was to get ready to go do a little shopping and have lunch before coming back to the house to finish packing and getting ready to leave for the the Malabo airport at 9:30 p.m.

After taking care of all the 'housekeeping' details we had devotions and prayer for Pastor Carroll and Ms Gayle. We asked the Lord to keep them safe, to give them strength and peace and to bless them abundantly. It takes people who are clearly directed by the Lord to move away from church, family and friends to another country to do ministry. The Deals are surely people directed by the Lord and are a blessing to not only to Malabo but to us, too. We love them so much.

The Deals took us to a little place inside a fenced yard on a side street for our first place of shopping and we got some really interesting things there. Pastor Carroll and Ms Gayle helped us all bargain for a fair price and the owner laughed and enjoyed telling us we were getting these great deals because we had two good lawyers, the Deals. It was fun and, in the end, both the team and our seller got what they wanted.

Our second place of shopping was in the town itself where there was lots of downtown traffic. It had lots of interesting African carvings and lots of colorful African dresses. We were shopping and ooohing and ahhing when we looked outside the store to the street. I could not believe my eyes. There, right in the middle of the street, stopped by traffic, was a military vehicle with two soldiers in camo each sitting at a loaded machine gun as they drove through town. Now we know not to stare, or even look at some things that we see on our trips. We certainly don't photograph much of what we see and we never want to purposely draw attention to our team but it's hard to ignore 17 white people in a little African city. I was shaken for a few seconds and wondered if I should just go ahead and hit the ground! Oh yeah. That wouldn't have drawn any more attention to our group. Chubby, old, white woman landing on her belly in the middle of a group of Americans! Yep. No one would ever have noticed me at all.

Although the soldiers looked our way they soon moved along with traffic and we continued our shopping. Afterward, we went to a pizza place for lunch. The food was very good and more like what we are used to at home. It was a pricey lunch for what we ate but it sure hit the spot.

During our stay in Malabo we discovered that the military and police situation was a bit unnerving. The police are definitely not accommodating 'public servants,' and the military is a strong presence in the town with many manned check points around the city. They can and do stop anyone they want to at any time and can be very harassing to whomever they wish. I felt vulnerable to them and didn't like it at all. I learned to ask the Lord for favor with those we met around town and then to simply not look the African men in the eye at any time.

At one military check point that is just before the entrance to our job site, four of us women were stopped before entering the work site. On this particular day, we had earlier brought the team food and now the soldier wanted to know why we didn't bring him food because he was hungry too. Ms Gayle looked straight ahead and matter of factly told him we didn't have anymore food and that we needed to go to the site again. He continued asking for food.

While this was going on, Joyce and I were sitting in the back seat, trying to hide our cameras with our leg and keeping our heads down not looking at anyone or anything except our shoes. Marsha was in the front seat trying to hide her camera with her leg because she knew if he saw it he might want to keep it. Then a second soldier came to her side of the vehicle and was smiling. Marsha thought if she smiled it would diffuse any tension about us--but it did just the opposite. He liked her smile and opened her door! Now this was scary. He could have pulled her out of the truck and kept her there. Marsha was shocked at the opened door and quickly stopped being friendly. Ms Gayle immediately started the truck moving slowly and it made Marsha's door shut. We went quickly past the check point onto the property where the rest of the team was working. It was a nervewracking experience to be sure.

Anyway, back to Friday. We got back to the house and worked hard getting our stuff all packed up after our week there. It's amazing how sprawled out you can get in only a few days but we did it. We had a few hours before time to leave for the airport so Odis and I went to the kitchen to see what we could whip up for dinner. We didn't really want to cook more new food so we started heating up bowls of leftovers from our week there. It wasn't too long and we had a feast set before us once again. Chicken and rice, steak, pasta and sauce, rice and beans, bbq pork chops, mixed veggies, bread, tea, and we were all set. Everyone ate and cleaned up the kitchen and it was time to put the finishing touches on our packing. It was time to head home.

The airport experience wasn't awful and we got through with no mishaps and were soon on our 5 1/2 to 6 hour flight from Malabo to Madrid. That's when the "fun" began. It was a miserable flight partly because the seats are squished together, partly because I didn't get to sit with Byron and partly because some people on this flight were determined they were the ONLY ones flying to Madrid that night and that everything was about THEM! Byron and I were seated in the middle of a group of inebriated Middle Eastern men with him on one side of the aisle and me on the other. So, for this long, middle of the night, unable to doze off so the time would pass faster flight, we had loud talking, fighting, and arrogance all the way to Madrid. I was never so glad to get out of a place in my whole life.

We had about a 4 or 5 hour layover in the Madrid airport but it was really nice and new there. We got food and a little rest. The 9 1/2 hour flight from Madrid to Miami was a breeze compared to the first one. Byron and I had the two seats together on one side of the aisle. He had the window. I had the aisle. There was more legroom. We had movies and food and non-drunk people all around us. It was a good experience. Miami home, though a little delayed, was good too.

We landed safely, deplaned quickly and retrieved our baggage. Good friend Steve was there waiting for us and we got home by 10:30 pm Saturday night. Thirty hours home but oh, so worth it. As great and rewarding and adventurous our trip had been, there's really no place like home.

I learned many things while I was on this trip. Some of which I am already aware and some I'm sure that will surface in the coming days, months or even years. I think that when we stretch ourselves with such new experiences we always come away with something important learned. It changes our perspective on many of the things we do every day. It shapes who we are and who we become. What a great thing!

Father, Thank you for traveling mercies for our whole trip. Thank you for safety on the jobsite. Thank you for no sickness. Thank you for protecting us in every way. Thank you for the Deals and their hospitality. Thank you for their love for you and their obedience to what you want for them. Thank you for our brothers and sisters in Malabo who were so kind and warm to our team. Thank you for the team. What a wonderful group of your children. I love them all so much. Thank you for what you are showing me though the experience of this trip. I am so glad you took us on this journey. It was a blast! I love you so very much.

Suz

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday in Malabo...

2009-11-12T03:48:00.008-05:00

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday...it's already Thursday. The days are flying by and I haven't had time, energy, and often haven't had power or internet to post. Each of my days have been pretty much the same: I get up at 5:30 am, along with Odis and Myles when we walk over to the house and start breakfast for the team. Odis makes several pots of coffee and Myles fries a kilo of bacon. I start water boiling for oatmeal and crack a couple dozen eggs. Soon Marsha and Joyce come in and start cutting up and buttering bread for toast. It's a joint effort and by 7:00 am we have it all done complete with cut up fruit and juice.

After we eat we have devotions. Monday-Benny. Tuesday-Odis. Wednesday-Mike. Thursday-Myles. Friday-it's my turn. The subjects vary and whoever leads has freedom to share what's been on his or her mind during the week. They might be encouraging or emotional but they are always good. We sing a song or two and pray for the Lord to bless our day, give us strength for the work and keep us all safe from harm or danger. Our devotion time helps strengthen our team bond and it's a sweet time of worship.

Byron gives instructions for the work each day and afterward it's time for the workers to head out for the job site where they do all that is humanly possible to do to complete the tasks for the day. Our team is not a group of slackers. They really work diligently to get as much done as possible.

Marsha, Joyce and I have been staying at the house to do what needs to be done for team support like clean up, laundry and meal preparation. After breakfast we clean up the kitchen and not too long after that we start lunch. We've been making 20 or so sandwiches, packing up chips and cookies with them and taking them out to the site so not too much time is spent coming and going for lunch.

Somewhere in the middle of all the kitchen hub bub I take out what we're going to fix for supper that night. We've had some really good meals. Spaghetti, BBQ pork chops, pinto beans, rice, homemade biscuits, beef tenderloin steaks with roasted potatoes and onions, chicken and rice, mixed veggies, broccoli cauliflower, eggplant casserole, fresh salad with homemade french dressing. It's not often we have such a variety on a mission trip and it's been a blast cooking all this great food for the team.

Last night all the girls went to Central Church for the ladies service and Christy preached for us. She did an excellent job with her sermon about journeys--our journeys as women. We are all on the journey that the Lord has given us. Our unique journey and how it's not good for us to compare ourselves to one another and not productive for us to compare our journey to another's journey. We must trust the Lord to lead us however He sees fit for us, personally. It was an uplifting and encouraging message and the African women enjoyed it as much as we did. At the end of the service the ladies presented our ladies with two cases of Coca-Cola because they knew that some of us had been working out in the hot sun and they wanted us to have a Coke on them:) I love it that no matter where I go I see how women all over the world are not so much different than I am. We may look different. We may have different things. We may speak differently. Christy said that although there are differences, there are also similarities. We are women. We are sisters. We are wives. We are mothers. We are a lot alike despite our differences. The dear African sisters in the Lord blessed Christian women from Florida with a very practical gift. How like most any woman in the world. Women are nothing if not practical. What a great thing and what a nice gift!

We came home after the service and ate dinner with the guys who had gotten home just a little bit before we did. After clean up we called it a night and settled down for the evening. Many of us are very tired and need as much rest as is available. Bedtime is pretty early for most because it's not too long until it's time to get up again. AND that crazy rooster has his timer set to go off pretty much all night long! Crazy chicken! Speaking of chickens we have another mama hen with biddies. She has 7 babies of many different colors following her around the yard. They are teeny tiny and cute as little buttons but won't let anyone near them. Also, Pretty, the mother dog had five pups the other day and they are adorable. Cute black and white pups with the exception of one which is sort of brown-black.

It's Thursday morning about 10:30 am here. Breakfast is over and it will be time to fix lunch soon. Tonight a group of African women are going to bring us a traditional African meal for our supper. What a special night this will be! I'll fill you all in on the menu and how it tastes.

As a team, we are looking forward to completing the goals we set out to do. The work team dug 40 holes yesterday and formed them up for concrete today. These are the foundations for the posts for the tabernacles that will one day be a Bible and Training School for African pastors. This is an amazing project because when Pastor Carroll and Gayle came to Malabo 22 years ago there wasn't even one Assembly of God church here. Now there are 150 churches here and a Bible school on the way. What a legacy!

Each of us does what we are able to do on these trips. Some have lots of construction experience. Some have lots of muscle and grit to work hard. And some of us have care giving experience and we take care of those who are out there on the site working. It's all about our unique journey and what the Lord leads us to do.

Father, thank you for this trip and these experiences. Thank you for the unique journey you give to each one of us and for guiding us on it. It's a good day. I love you, Lord.

Suz

Sunday in Malabo

2009-11-09T04:16:00.019-05:00

Sunday morning I walked out of our house at about 7:30 am to start breakfast at the Deals kitchen. As I walked across the yard I heard singing. I heard worship songs with deep African harmonies. There were no instruments. No drums. Only voices on the wind praising the Lord early on Sunday morning. It was a splendid moment and it was all mine.

We had a great day Sunday. We divided up about half and half for church service. Benny preached in Pastor Carroll's church in Moca and Ms Gail translated his sermon into Spanish for the congregation. Pastor Carroll translated for Pastor Gary in another church. I went with Pastor Gary's group. It was at the same church Marsha, Joyce and I had gone to the day before for the wedding. They had left all the decorations up and it was a very festive atmosphere.

Service started at 10:30 am so we got ready and were waiting around at the house for time to leave. It was 10:10. 10:20. 10:25 and we were still at the house. Pastor Gary asked Pastor Carroll if should go ahead and leave and Pastor Carroll said, "No. Church starts at 10:30." The church was about 10 minutes away so we left promptly at 10:30. Now one might think that if you are a guest at another church you'd want to be on time or even a little early. Not in Africa. We arrived to a packed house with worship in full swing. The music was lively and people were clapping and singing praises to the Lord. We were met at the front door by a woman in a beautiful green geometric style designed African dress with a matching headdress who led our team down the center aisle right up to the platform! We were all treated as guests of honor.

We sang a few praise songs: some in Spanish, some in English. Announcements were made in Spanish, translated into English and then into French. We were all introduced to the congregation and then it was time for the offerings. Yes I said 'offerings.' The church's pastor, Pastor Sam announced the call for the tithes and recited some of the same verses that Pastor Gary quotes at Glad Tidings every Sunday morning and it occurred to me that all over the world, in Ocoee, FL, and on the other side of the world in Malabo, that God's children are obeying Him in paying tithes and also depending on Him to meet our every need.

An usher brought a white box on a stand and set it in front of the pulpit. It was announced that the offering was for tithes. The music started and starting with the back rows people filed out of their row and lightly danced to the rhythm of the music down the outside aisle to the front where they passed in front of the box and dropped in their tithes. After they passed the box they went up the center aisle dancing all the way back to their seats. Row after row came down until the whole church had given their tithes. Now I really like lively worship songs and these were great! We clapped and sang when we could and even moved our feet a little. It was hard to stay still! and it was really hard not to join the tithe line. I know I wouldn't be able to dance quite like they did but I think it would be fun to try. Maybe next time.

Once the tithes had been given, we sang a song and the usher brought the white box out again. The whole process was repeated for the offering and then there were two more processions for missions, one from the men and one from the ladies. The men brought money for the box and the women did too but they also brought gifts of eggs, bottles of water and other staples. It took a long time and I don't know if it was a special way of doing things because we were visiting or just their Sunday morning practice, but it surely was joyful giving.

Pastor Gary did an excellent job preaching on the necessity of perseverance and how we can keep on going because of the good promise of what is to come and how we can come through it in victory because the Lord is on our side! During the sermon a lady got up a few times and walked down to the altar and then went back to her seat. From where I was sitting I couldn't see what she did when she got up front. I thought she was coming to get a Kleenex. I found out later that the custom is that if a preacher or a singer blesses you by what has been said or sung, you bring up an offering and drop it into the white box. Pastor Gary had at least 5 offerings brought up while he was preaching. Pretty good, huh?

We had a great altar service and I had opportunity to pray with two precious, young, African woman. Well, they were younger than me, anyway. We prayed and we cried and we prayed. When it was time to go we hugged and held hands. It was a great time in the Lord. When church was over we visited with the people and took photos and then went back to the house to meet with the other half of the team and get some lunch at a local restaurant.

Afternoon was a little rest for some and a little handyman stuff for some of the guys. The girls part of the house needed a little work on the water and electrical stuff so a few of the men worked on getting us set up for the rest of the week. Evening brought a trip to the airport to try to get the other suitcases but with little success. Two more bags were retrieved but there were still a bunch more to be gotten today.

Before dark someone yelled into the house for us to come outside and look at the bats. Of course I was the first one out the door! I couldn't believe my eyes. With one look up in the dusky skies I saw hundreds of huge (really, really big!) fruit bats. The sight was amazing and while most of them flew pretty high up, some swooped a little lower giving us just a hint of a shiver of fear! I loved it.

I left my pups in the good hands of the people at the kennel while we are gone and I left my chicks in the good care of Cody. I miss them all but the Lord is so very good to me even in the little things. Pastor Carroll and Ms Gail have a really sweet dog named Pretty and sometimes she licks my toes! It's not as bad as it sounds and she does it because she likes me. The Deals also have some yard chickens! One white hen has two little white chicks and another dark chicken has about 6 babies. There is also a colorful, Bantam rooster who has no sense of timing whatsoever. He usually starts crowing about midnight and then just gives us a booster crow to rouse us out of sleep every couple of hours--but I don't mind at all. He reminds me of home--and my chicks--my pups--and ultimately of my family and friends. Even though we have a great time doing good things and have unique, once in a lifetime experiences, to quote Dorothy, "There's no place like home!"

The day ended peacefully with some of the team sitting around the table, snacking and talking about the days events and laughing about good times we'd had in the past. We talked about our lives at home and what's going on there. The guys made their way to their side of the house and we girls headed into our part to settle in for the evening. The busyness quieted down and the girls and I prayed for little Noah's successful surgery. Lights out and we soon went to sleep ready to start fresh again on Monday.

Lord, everything doesn't always go well and circumstances and situations on our trips are sometimes hard and uncomfortable and inconvenient and it isn't easy for me to always adapt. I know I don't always cope as well as I could, but I feel very blessed to be able to do such interesting and exciting stuff for you! Thank you so much for the African pup and the chicks. Thank you for thinking especially of me. I love you with all my heart.

Suz

Orlando to Miami to Madrid to Malabo

2009-11-07T10:22:00.016-05:00

Our flights to Africa went well with no real glitches. We flew to Miami, had a couple hour layover and flew all night to Madrid, the capitol of Spain. We spent the day on a guided tour of this beautiful city which is filled with, not only Spanish history, but of world history.

Our very knowledgeable guide, Cesar--pronounced Say-zaar--was great. Yes, he made us practice pronouncing it the correct way. Still, I'm sure I heard a couple of our ladies call him "Seezer," a time or two. We saw the royal palace from the outside, a great cathedral from the inside, the Plaza de Toro (the local bull fighting arena), street performers, great architecture, and royal parks. After our bus tour and a few stops to walk around a bit, Cesar, he took us to an area where we ate a delicious lunch at the Museo de Jamon (the ham museum). I was glad and a little excited to eat there as I had seen Andrew Zimmern go there on one of his Bizarre Foods episodes. It wasn't bizarre at all and lunch was terrific. We shopped for a short while before being shuttled back to the airport just in time to catch our night flight to Malabo, the final destination of our trip.

As we were loading into the plane we heard a commotion at the rear of the craft. A man was yelling something in Spanish and we could tell he was very upset and angry. A few of us were a bit upset thinking about getting into the air with a crazy, angry guy just a few rows behind us. We found out that he was being deported from Spain for not having a passport and that the two men with him were police officers. While that made me a little more comfortable it still didn't stop the thoughts of disaster in the air.

That's when an African man got up from his seat directly behind me and went back to speak to the man. He spoke to him in Spanish and said, "Look. We are on this plane and we want a good flight. Just because you are upset about being deported doesn't mean you should make the rest of us miserable. Now be quiet." Had we entertained angels unaware? Only the Lord knows for sure. The man still wasn't happy but he did get quiet and the last leg of our journey went off without a hitch. That is if you don't count the exception of many crying toddlers and babies and lots of loud women talking and laughing most of the night but somehow the noise wasn't nearly as disconcerting as the threat of a crazy man in the air. Resting in the hands of the Lord, I slept as we flew toward our last stop--Malabo.

Pastor Carroll and Gail were at the airport to meet us and he helped us get through customs. Pastor Carroll also guided our team members through the procedure for their missing bags. Dealing with airport security and the policia in a third world country can be a nervewracking experience. Hopefully everyone with missing luggage will get it by Sunday night and our trip can continue without any more drama!

We went to the job site today and the guys are working hard trying to lay out the details for the tabernacles to be erected while we are here. Ms Gail took us girls around to find a few necessities for a few who still needed some things we just couldn't share but before we went she made a stop near a church she and Pastor Carroll used to pastor and there was a wedding going on. We were given permission to step inside and photograph the festivities. It was wonderful! The ceremony was nearly over and the music was lively and fun. Women who were dressed beautifully brought their gifts down the aisle to the couple, but they didn't walk solemnly. Not at all. They danced their presents down the aisle to the beat of the live singers song. What a fun thing to do! What a true celebration! A wedding should be a happy event and I think all the 'bridezillas' in USA could learn a little something here. I wonder if it could ever catch on here?

We're cooking spaghetti for the guys tonight and I know they will be tired and hungry. I'm glad tomorrow is Sunday so they can perhaps get a little rest before work again on Monday. Church is tomorrow and Benny will be preaching at Pastor Carroll's church while Pastor Gary preaches at another church. I'm looking forward to whichever service I am assigned to. It will be good for sure.

That's it for today unless something remarkable happens tonight--and it could happen. I love you all and miss you. Above all, the Lord is good.

Father, we always ask your blessing and safety on our trips and you have never failed us. Never! I love how you protect us but also how you calm even your desperate ones who could have a way out but cannot yet see it. I think it's going to be a wonderful week and I can't wait to see what you show us. I love you so very much.

Suz

preparing for our trip to Malabo

2009-10-31T08:34:00.018-04:00

It's only a few days until our team from Glad Tidings leaves for Malabo, Equatorial Guinea, Africa. We planned this return trip two years ago when we went to Gabon to put up tabernacles with Pastor Carroll Deal at two churches there. It was great working with him. Our team completed the jobs and we made many friends and memories in July '07. If I never go any place again, I still get to say I went to Africa on a missions trip.

Knowing what we learned from our past trip is helpful in preparing for this one. We know the plane trip is killer and that we will be very tired when we get there. We know that bringing snacks from home is a good idea and that we will see sights we may never see again in our lives. Our project is to start construction on tabernacles for a Bible school to train and prepare new African pastors for their work for the Lord and that our labors will be appreciated by those we are helping. We know that Pastor Carroll treats his teams well, that our established team works together well and that our new team members will be embraced with love and helpfulness from us 'oldies.' We also know we are in store for much that is unknown and, best of all, we know the Lord who is allowing us this great adventure for Him!

It has been a challenge to line up all the details here so we can go away for 10 days or so. Family and friends have been asked for and have offered help and they have been more than willing to pitch in to make this time away as glitch-free as possible. One dear friend even offered to fly in from out west just to help me get away smoothly.

I love all the connections in my life but sometimes I also long for the simplicity of a life that allows me to plan a trip and then just leave at the appointed time--no problem. My life isn't like that at all. We have pets and animals and, most importantly, family that all still need care while we are gone. Life doesn't stop in Apopka, FL just because we make plans to go away and do other things for a few days, even if those things are good things for God.

So, I've made my first list of things to buy and things to do and will work on getting this stuff together this weekend. I should have it all gathered by Monday. Byron and I will pack and I will find other things to pick up that I hadn't thought about. Then, the good Lord willing, we will load up the truck with suitcases, tool boxes, carry-ons, cameras, computer, snacks, and passports on Thursday afternoon and wonder what we've forgotten. We will decide that if we haven't packed it in all our bags yet, then it isn't something that's necessary anyway!

I still feel a little bit at loose ends right now because I'm just not prepared to leave at this moment, but that will come as I check off the things on my list:

Insect repellent. Check. Malaria pills. Check. Rice Krispie Treats. Check.

I trust all the details will come together as they usually do and we will have a productive trip. That we will have a unique time of doing the 'out of the ordinary' for the Lord. That we will have a special time of hearing what the Lord is specifically saying to us in the moment. The Lord is so good to allow us these experiences.

I am pretty sure we will have internet access on the island and I hope to post about our adventures daily. Please pray for our team as we travel and work and please pray for those we are leaving behind for these few days.

I love you all and, Lord willing, will post again soon.

Father, thank you for the great opportunities you place in our lives each day. Thank you for your protective hand and for your ever guiding love for us. I pray you will bless our team and this trip and that you will bless our Christian family in Malabo and our families here. Keep all safe and well. I love you so much, Lord. Thank you for loving us.

Suz